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Just feeling so sad

(4 Posts)
mrscupcake38 Tue 04-Oct-11 15:41:50

Have been reading some of these threads for a while now and just wanted to share I suppose. Have had 4 miscarriages now. I had two of them about 8 - 9 weeks, then I was blessed with my wonderful DS who is now 4. I then miscarried again in January this year and then recently at 16 weeks. I know how lucky I am to have a child, but it doesn't make the hurting any less.
The sister (who I saw in EPU after having had spontaneous miscarriage, haemorrhage etc - was a terrible experience) said that the placenta looked very small, and when I had my son this was also mentioned.
I guess I know that we'll never know the reason why these keep happening, but thats hard.
Have been signed off work for a few weeks but am due to go back very soon. Am honestly not sure if I can face it, I worry about leaving the house in case I see anyone I know, that knew i was pregnant and then I have to tell them I'm not. And also people who haven't ever miscarried, can never understand.
I have to have a scan this week, to check everything is 'gone.' The sister in EPU was lovely but signing forms for the mortuary is not something you ever think you'll have to do.
I'm at that place now of deciding what the future should hold. DH has been great but is moving forwards. Am finding it hard, erratic bleeding etc. I don't know if I could handle this again - though I know people go through much worse. I don't even know if it is the placenta - and if it is, what could be done if was to become pregnant again? I guess its about accepting my lot in life. I'm lucky I know...just not dealing with this very well this time!

gigglepin Tue 04-Oct-11 15:48:16

hey there.
just wishing you luck & sending a hug.

Its a big fat bag of shite isnt it, the whole thing. So sorry for you, i know how it feels.

FairyQueenOfStrops Tue 04-Oct-11 15:54:38

<<hugs mrs cupcake>>

There is nothing fair about any of this and i truely empathise - have been through it myself and now have a beautiful DD. I never forget about what may have been but know i couldn't go through it again.

Sending you strength for the scan this week and for the weeks ahead x

farfallarocks Tue 04-Oct-11 16:15:49

Its so shit, I am so sorry sad

You should ask to be referred to St Mary's if that is anywhere near you for further tests. I think they are particularly specialised on placenta/clotting issues so at least you might be able to find a protocol that prevents this happening again.
In the meantime have a big hug.

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