Missed miscarriage(4 Posts)
Found out our precious baby had gone on Wednesday at ten weeks gestation missed miscarriage. We had had fertility treatment and told we had only a 4% chance, so were overjoyed once I had a positive test.
Started bleeding on Monday just a small amount, was not too worried as not bright red, hence the scan was arranged.
Once we were told it was devastating, I was so angry that the Midwives we saw said things like "it was not meant to be" if someone died you would not say that, the "options" we were given were equally distressing, my immediate gut reaction was to have surgery, the natural option too agonising and the pill illustrated as being more painfull and with greater blood loss. We were then told of all the side effects and that it could effect future fertility, oh yes and that they could not arrange a bed for a week! They really could not comprehend my distress at this.
Once getting home in the evening it all started sinking in and by Thursday I was in a very dark place.
On Friday out of desperation I visited a Herbalist, I could not stand the agonising wait any longer I felt mentally I was stuck between two hurdles. She was brilliant and gave me some tablets and oil for my bath, that night I had a lot of Dutch courage (I normally do not drink but it provided great anaesthetic properties.) I took the acute dose of the tablets and had a bath with the oil and at 0600hrs on Saturday morning everything came away, not in the way of some of the horror stories I had read but completely in a sort of mini labour, it took 90mins the pain was tolerable the worst thing being unable to get off the bathroom floor without feeling I was going to pass out.
We put 'everything' into a cardboard gift box I had, bought a rose and buried it underneath it- it gives me some comfort it is near and I have somewhere to grieve in the future.
Physically I am ok, my loss because everything came away is light and I have no pain, mentally I feel totally alone I am not of cause but it just seems like that, this I think is the worst bit
So sorry for your loss, such a sad time for you, I had a mmc at 7 weeks. Hope that time helps to heal the pain. xx
Rosie you are right at being angry about your treatment and the lack of sensitivity, unfortunately this is very very common.
Never the less, you are grieving for your precious baby. Your longed for, very very much loved baby. It is unfair and unreal that this has happened to you.
The rose is just a lovely idea, this will be of great comfort to you from here on in i hope.
You definitely are not alone with your feelings, and if you want to write down on here how you feel, we are here to listen, and many of us that will reply to you, will have been through this too.
It may help to know that we get it, we just "get it".
Hugs my love x
Sorry for your loss. It is so so unfair and sad and I wish you all the best in your recovery (physical and emotional).
You are not alone. x
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