Found out our precious baby had gone on Wednesday at ten weeks gestation missed miscarriage. We had had fertility treatment and told we had only a 4% chance, so were overjoyed once I had a positive test.
Started bleeding on Monday just a small amount, was not too worried as not bright red, hence the scan was arranged.
Once we were told it was devastating, I was so angry that the Midwives we saw said things like "it was not meant to be" if someone died you would not say that, the "options" we were given were equally distressing, my immediate gut reaction was to have surgery, the natural option too agonising and the pill illustrated as being more painfull and with greater blood loss. We were then told of all the side effects and that it could effect future fertility, oh yes and that they could not arrange a bed for a week! They really could not comprehend my distress at this.
Once getting home in the evening it all started sinking in and by Thursday I was in a very dark place.
On Friday out of desperation I visited a Herbalist, I could not stand the agonising wait any longer I felt mentally I was stuck between two hurdles. She was brilliant and gave me some tablets and oil for my bath, that night I had a lot of Dutch courage (I normally do not drink but it provided great anaesthetic properties.) I took the acute dose of the tablets and had a bath with the oil and at 0600hrs on Saturday morning everything came away, not in the way of some of the horror stories I had read but completely in a sort of mini labour, it took 90mins the pain was tolerable the worst thing being unable to get off the bathroom floor without feeling I was going to pass out.
We put 'everything' into a cardboard gift box I had, bought a rose and buried it underneath it- it gives me some comfort it is near and I have somewhere to grieve in the future.
Physically I am ok, my loss because everything came away is light and I have no pain, mentally I feel totally alone I am not of cause but it just seems like that, this I think is the worst bit:(
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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
Missed miscarriage
3 replies
Rosie06 · 03/10/2011 06:23
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