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Just found out my sister is expecting again & feel awful for feeling sad

(6 Posts)
Pinkchampagne Wed 28-Sep-11 09:20:50

I had a MMC Easter time last year. It would have been my first child with my DP (had little support during pregnancy with ex h & this would have been so differentsad) & as I am soon 39 & we are not in a position to try again atm, this may have been our only chance of a child together. It was also due on DP's 40th birthday.

It took me a long time to get through it, put huge strain on our relationship & I am still having counselling now. Don't know if we could put ourselves through the possibility of going through another loss even if circumstances were different, but it is hard to get my head around.

I have come a long way & things are starting to pick up, but on Sunday my sister announced she was 5 weeks pregnant with her second child & I feel awful because she could see in my face that I was a bit wobbly on hearing her news & I went home & cried when I told my DP. I am of course happy for her & happy to become an Auntie again but there is also sadness there which I feel guilty for.sad

kat2504 Wed 28-Sep-11 09:25:44

Of course there is sadness, do not beat yourself up over that as it is so normal to feel that way. It does not mean that you are not happy for her, and it doesn't make you a bad jealous person. It is just that her happiness has reminded you of your own sadness and what might have been.

Pinkchampagne Wed 28-Sep-11 09:46:55

Yes that's it - has brought it all back to me, and of course there is a little "wish it was me" thought in my head. I don't want to feel this way though. I am happy for them too. I know my sister felt worried about telling me so I have tried hard to cover my sadness in front of her. Think she could pick up on my feelings though

kat2504 Wed 28-Sep-11 09:51:57

She will surely understand and not hold it against you. Perhaps when you are ready a little chat with her may help, if you explain that you are genuinely very happy for her and looking forward to her new baby, but that it has just brought back some painful reminders of your own loss and you are finding that a bit hard.

farfallarocks Wed 28-Sep-11 10:39:38

pink what you are feeling is so so normal. My friend emailed me to tell me she was pregnant, same due date as mine would have been, I literally felt like I had been stabbed in the heart and burst into tears. My first thoughts were 'But that is not fair, you already have a baby!'

DH just could not understand why I felt that way. This is not jealousy or you being horrible, you are suffereing a grief reaction and are rightly traumatised by what has happened and any little reminder brings you back to that state.

DH and I had a little break from it all as I went a bit loopy (I felt I just HAD to be pregnant again really soon) and we are now trying again. You still have time, look after yourself and don;t worry of your DH can't fully understand how you feel, he will get there eventually and you can vent on here, we all 'get it'

Pinkchampagne Wed 28-Sep-11 11:31:58

Thank you both for making me feel a little better about it all.

My sister sent me a message asking if I was ok as she was scared her news had made me feel wobbly. I told her not to worry about me & to look after herself, as I don't want her to feel her news upsets me. The pregnancy was a bit of a shock for them & I don't want to cause her extra worry. It has just brought all those feelings back. I feel it whenever I hear of someone announcing their pregnancy & with it being my sister it feels that bit closer to home.

FFR - I went pretty loopy after my MMC too. Really put huge strain on my relationship at the time & only just starting to come through the other side now, nearly a year & a half down the line!

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