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Insensitivity of the system

(7 Posts)
annabananamum Wed 31-Aug-11 23:09:18

Hi, I'm new on here so please bear with me. My son Seth was stillborn at 24+5 two months ago and I can't believe how difficult the situation has been made by the insensitive actions of so many parts of the system. I wondered if anyone Else has found this?
The staff when we gave birth were great. The bereavement midwife was lovely and told us to tell the registar that we were registering a stillbirth when we made the appointment to avoid being there with parents registering births. While we were waiting a couple came in with their newborn twins. This was two days after Seth was born and really upsetting. A week after he was born I was re admitted to hospital with really heavy bleeding. The A and E dept. sent us back to the room we had given birth in. This was obviously very upsetting. I spent the night listening to babies being born. I was then moved to the maternity ward. This was the most difficult time,as you can imagine. The bereavement midwife came and sorted it for us, but it was so horrid. Then I had to go back to the antenatal clinic to discuss the results from my tests ( we didn't have a pm). Again this made a stressful situation even worse, sitting in a waiting room with posters of babies, leaflets about breastfeeding, with pregnant women walking past. Them to top it all I went for my 6 week check up with my doctor, who knew my situation and the first thing she said was "how's your baby?" She did apologise and send she was busy and hadn't had time to read my notes.
Sorry for the ramble, but I am finding things hard enough I just expected more sensitivity from officials and professionals. Was I just unlucky or is this normal?

kat2504 Thu 01-Sep-11 08:52:36

I can't believe how insensitive you doctor was! Being busy is one thing but there is no excuse for being that unprofessional.
I've found that dealing with miscarriages, the whole way the hospital is set up is insensitive. The waiting room for the gynae is the same waiting room as for ultrasound. So while you are waiting you get to see people coming out all happy with their scan pictures. Just what you need. The EPU is in the same area as the maternity ward. They just don't think about how difficult it makes it for people who are already having a hard time.

GwendolineMaryLacey Thu 01-Sep-11 09:06:40

I'm so sort for your loss.

I can only speak from a miscarriage point of view so upsetting but not on the same level. I pretty much agree with everything you've said. The morning I went in for my erpc I had to spend over 2 hours waiting in the ante natal clinic before we were seen. There was a massive general waiting room literally round the corner and James if I could wait there but was told no. So yes, babies, big bumps and videos of smiling newborns.

When I went to see my dr when I got pg this time she looked at me in amazement because as far as she was concerned I was already around 24 weeks pregnant. She took lots of notice of the letter I hand delivered then hmm

Treatment on the actual ward was fine but everywhere else it was insensitive and appeared to be set up in a way that caused the greatest amount of upset.

GwendolineMaryLacey Thu 01-Sep-11 09:07:08

I'm so sorry for your loss, that should say blush

pink4ever Thu 01-Sep-11 16:37:34

Firstly let me say I am very sorry for your loss-so sad. I lost one of my boys at exactly the same stage. I have been very lucky in that the vast majority of the treatment I have had from the hospital and its staff has been wonderful.
The only time I had a problem was when we went for the 6 week check-up. Was in the antenatal clinic and I just broke down. However I explained to the receptionist and she immediately arranged for me to go into a private room.
With my others losses I was taken out of the scan department by a different door so wouldnt have to walk by expectant parents and I have also always been given my own private room-courtesy of sands.
I think if you are very upset about the treatment you received then you should complain. Might mean that another lady doesnt have to go through that in future.
Again sorry for your loss.

worldgonecrazy Thu 01-Sep-11 16:48:52

It is difficult. I had two mmc and the ward I went to for the first one was also the ward for women who had to have treatments during pregnancy. I also had to wait in the reception where new parents were taking their little bundles of joy home. The second mmc was DD's twin so I didn't have any treatment but it's still heartbreaking when I see twins.

So sorry for your loss and well done for not slapping your doctor for such insensitivity.

annabananamum Thu 01-Sep-11 22:48:28

Thanks for that. I'm really sorry for your losses. It is so hard. I have written to the chief executive( I think that's her title) of the hospital to complain and suggest how they can improve their treatment. I'll see if I get a reply and what she says. It can't be that hard to find a consulting room away from pregnant women, or to admit women with infections to the gynaecological ward can it?

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