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I can`t do this anymore

(16 Posts)
boohoohoo Tue 23-Aug-11 14:43:57

So its happening again, yesterday even this morning I was cautiously optomistic, the last couple of days feeling very sick and unable to even cope with the smell of food and I stupidly thought `eh girl, you`ve cracked it this time`. How bloody bloody stupid am I.

Third mc. I just cannot cope with it, Its my 41st birthday on Thursday, I know my husband is planning a special day, my daughters GCSE results on that day aswell and you know, I just want to get away from the lot of them, which is making me cry even more.

You know life has deals some people shit cards, lost my parents when I was young, bought up my daughter on my own really struggling to make do whilst suffering severe depression after my parents deaths. Never, ever let my daughter know, always having a smile on my face, making food from non-existent food cupboards, scraping to buy birthday/christmas presents and buying clothes. Mosts nights after she was in bed just sat there crying unable to cope -but you do, dont you - you have to.

So didnt meet my husband until my late thirties and I stupidly thought that was my bad luck over with. FFS its so bloody unfair, dont even see the point in going to the doctors, as of my age.

Sorry being really childish, dont have anyone in real life to talk to, but just had enough, Im tired of going through this again its just so bloody heartbreaking. I cant do it again, whats the point. That just makes me cry even more.

Thumbwitch Tue 23-Aug-11 14:52:29

Oh boohoo, so sad for you.
It is shit, I know - I am 44 and have had 2 MCs in the last 2 years and wonder what the bloody hell I'm doing still trying!
Each one is worse than the one before, and each time I am older. sad

I had my DS when i was 40: got pg at 39, happened really easily (3m trying), waited about 9m to start again for the next one, expecting (oh so foolishly!) that it would be as easy again. No such luck and here we are nearly 4y later.

Don't give up on the docs yet though - I am seeing a gynaecologist who I only started seeing just before my birthday, and she has given me some help in terms if hanging on to a pg if I get pg again - I am to take 100mg aspirin and progesterone pessaries to try and keep it sticking. She offered clomid but did say that it wouldn't increase my chances of actually getting pg as I am still ovulating pretty much normally - but it would increase my chance of twins.

My point - all is not lost - the GP may be able to offer some help or a referral.

If it helps at all, I have a friend who is 45 now - she had her DS 2 years ago after 3 MCs, which nearly broke her - but then she got DS.

It is utterly heartbreaking, I know and I do feel for you - have an unMNy (((hug))) for good measure.

Supersunnyday Tue 23-Aug-11 15:02:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrumblyMumbly Tue 23-Aug-11 15:03:07

I'm so sorry, it's heartbreaking I know, I had 2 mc's - I'd just about given up hope when, at 45 got pregnant and had my precious dd at 46. Don't give up - you're a strong woman, you've dealt with some terrible things in your life, you're not being childish at all, be kind to yourself.

mistlethrush Tue 23-Aug-11 15:09:47

I've given up trying. Had a mp before DS - had to wait 6 yrs for ds, partly as a result of it. Two mc since both overshadowed with the worry of 'what if it comes back' - then the last one ended up getting some sort of infection which, somehow, lead me to becoming allergic to paracetamol and asprin. Multiple mc checks said no reason - and the only thing they'd suggest would be low dose asprin - which is out of the question.

So I have given up.

I am just having to come to terms with having an only and rejoicing in him - although he'd make a wonderful older brother.

Its hard. Its getting slightly better, but its still hard.

mistlethrush Tue 23-Aug-11 17:06:57

Sorry Boohoohoo - didn't want to kill the thread blush just let you know that it does get better, even if you do stop trying.

boohoohoo Tue 23-Aug-11 17:52:31

Thanks everyone for replying, just felt so blood angry, upset oh well you name it I felt it this morning, just needed to write everything down as found myself shouting at my mum (think might have frightened the family if they had heard) that this was all her fault and I bloody hated her as she crapped my life up by suddenly dying when I was so young (why I dont blame my dad I dont know). It just seems so unfair.

mistlethrush, dont worry, actually what you said, I dunno, truth etc... helps. I am lucky I know that deep down, just sometimes feels all bad stuff happpens to me (which is rubbish and melodramatic i know).

Just to heighten my misery still feel sick as dog, my neighbours were cooking earlier and I went outside caught one sniff and threw up everywhere and cant face anything apart from water, its like some sort of mc sick joke, keep pg symptons for a while longer angry.

mistlethrush Tue 23-Aug-11 17:56:09

Yes, its just an extra kick in the teeth that... Been there, done that. Miserable. And you get so pleased when you get a +ve - but then still getting a +ve weeks after you know that you're not. sad

LIG1979 Tue 23-Aug-11 18:27:37

So so sorry boohoo. I am also sure a mc is on its' way as the tests I did this morning is still so faint. I am sorry I gave you hope with the digital.

I am trying to look on the positives in that;
1) I got pregnant
2) it didn't go too far down the line before miscarrying - last time I found out a 9.5 weeks and eventually had an erpc 5 weeks later so it was v drawn out.
3) I can drink at the football and a wedding over the weekend.

Now just got to try and get my body to miscarry as quickly as possible so I can get back on the horse (or dh).

Hope you feel a bit better soon and your dh is looking after you. X

boohoohoo Tue 23-Aug-11 18:38:08

Hi Lig, thanks made me smile but sad for you, as i said to you yesterday, the sickness gave me hope, still feel so crap now, and the bloody bleeding has stopped, but will def not get any hopes up and will presume it will all start again later.

Dh is off now for over a week so thats good, i think, ha ha.

Think this might be the end for me though, too much to keep going through, will have a chat with DH later in the week.

let me know how you get on, its not over for you yet, think those internet sticks are a bit crap.

eaglewings Tue 23-Aug-11 18:39:37

Although my life story is different, I'm 43 and had a scan last night which showed I'm prob having my 4th mc in a row. Still feel sick and hate smell of food etc.

Lady at my kids school had surprise twins at 50. That gives me hope I think?

Hope you have supportive GP

boohoohoo Tue 23-Aug-11 18:40:53

mistle, am going to try really hard not to keep testing next week cos feel its just torture, I`ve read so many woman asking on forums if they think there is any possibility of them still being pregnant or carrying twins and losing one, yes, i`ve been there as well, too cruel sad

boohoohoo Tue 23-Aug-11 18:46:40

eaglewings, sorry. theres too many of us about, its so flipping unfair. 50! ah my DH will be there in 2 years, hes thinking he may be too old and was unsure of us carrying on and think he wont want to try again as he feels really helpless. However, I have seen many 40+ woman on MN her have sucessful pregnancies so no dont give up hope.

Steering clear of he GP, hes about 10 and I feel like a stupid old woman, I can see in his eyes that he thinks I mad to want more children and when he sees DHs age I swear he turns a little pale!

However, I maintain Im still young and so is my DH.

Thumbwitch Wed 24-Aug-11 00:38:55

boohoo - I had my first MC just before I had seen my as-yet-unmet GP. When I went in to meet him a couple of weeks later, so that they knew where to file all the letters they'd been sent from the hospital, he took a brief medical history for the records and then said - "so do you have any children?" I said yes, a son who is 2. He said "Well, since you already have one child, you probably want to rethink your decision to try for any more, you're already 42, there's not much point, is there?" or words to that effect. Why I didn't lamp him, I don't know - I was too shock and the angry didn't come until I'd left his office.
I don't ever see the bastard now, even if he's the only GP available.

boohoohoo Wed 24-Aug-11 07:18:24

Thumbwitch angry for you, that's what I'm afraid of! However, after talking to my husband last night (it's really difficult for our partners, he can't bear to see me like this and feels useless) I've decided to go to the doctors today. I just know in my heart I'm meant to have one last baby, but even I realise that I can't keep going through these mcs, each one breaks my heart even more. I think if I don't I'll spend the rest of my life wondering.

If the gps eyebrow even tries to rise up even one millimetre, I'm ready, today I feel like some poor sod going to get it from me!

Thumbwitch Wed 24-Aug-11 07:50:27

Give him one for me as well, eh? grin

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