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Would you please help me to write a letter to someone who has miscarried twins at six months?

(10 Posts)
lilibet Mon 15-Aug-11 15:57:36

A lovely couple with a little girl started coming to our church about a year ago. I have chatted with them after the service on quite a few occasions when we have coffee and biscuits, I'm not actually sure if they know my name.

While I've been on my holidays, their twins, which were boys, have died and have been buried in the church grounds. I don't feel that I know them well enough to visit, but really want to send something to let them know that the daft redhead from the back of church is thinking about them.

I have absolutley no idea what to write.

Mama5isalive Mon 15-Aug-11 17:33:52

Oh Lilibet - what a lovely and thoughtful thing to want to do for them.
I believe all you can do is send a card letting them know your praying for them and that God strength will bring them through, there are certain scriptures that you can also put in there that can help them through ie-
Lamantations 3.32
Psalms 34.18
Matthew 54
isaiah 35.10
Psalms 1014
Jeremiah 31.13
Psalms 145.9

I have suffered a loss on the 20th june 11 and it made me look at what i expected from God and His word says "the rains falls on the just and the unjust"
i also ordered a book from amazon called "Greiving the child i never knew" by Kathe Wunnenberg which has really helped me address my feelings and allowing myself to cry, shout and scream and my journey to dealing and healing process!

keep them in prayer and the Lord may lead you to find the right words or just hold her hand and let her speak of her feeling! and be a shoulder!
God brought and is still bringing me through! be blessed and be a blessing xx

sobloodystupid Mon 15-Aug-11 17:39:46

Send a beautiful card or little note, something that can be tucked into a book, bible or purse. Some shops ie Veritas have little laminated prayers that might be ok. Just a line or two from you acknowledging their loss and that you are thinking of them would be lovely.

whomovedmychocolate Mon 15-Aug-11 17:40:55

They may be railing against religion (understandably in the circs). I'd just send them a note saying how sorry you are for their loss and that if you can be of help, now or in the future, how to contact you.

Catsycat Mon 15-Aug-11 21:24:29

Just to second whomoved. People just acknowledging the loss and saying they were sorry meant an awful lot to me. Also, knowing that people were there if I wanted to talk, so that the baby would not be "ignored" really helped, so I would also offer to be there if they needed someone to talk to. As I've found on MN, sometimes people we don't know terribly well can give more comfort than those we are really close to. I'm sure they will be touched by your thoughtfulness and concern; the worst thing is for the loss to be ignored IMO.

sobloodystupid Tue 16-Aug-11 08:37:57

Incidentally if you google "letter of sympathy" or similar phrases will come up to prompt you. While I don't think I used anything directly it did help me focus on what to write, what might be of comfort, it is so difficult to express your feelings when the death is of little ones. I'm sure that your thoughtfulness and trouble taken to write to them will be remembered long after the contents of your letter may have faded... hth

ChrisPBacon Tue 16-Aug-11 08:57:14

If you can find out the twins names, maybe try to refer to them in the note, but at least make referece to their sister so it is something that directly relates to the family. No matter how awkward and stilted it must feel, you are doing the right thing for them.

lilibet Tue 16-Aug-11 12:24:08

thanks so much, I know that they have told one of our ministers that they won't be coming to church for a while and I can understand their feelings of unfairness and anger.

Mama5isalive Tue 16-Aug-11 16:35:32

I hope what ever advice you have be given i really hoped it has helped you.
and as i said i think it so thoughtful what your doing.

HorseyGirl1 Wed 17-Aug-11 19:14:22

agree with comment about using the boys' names. so few people have ever said my twins' names and it hurts more when people don't mention what has happened. I think they think that mentioning them will upset me - like that is going to upset me?! It is far more upsetting when they aren't mentioned. My mother's paster's wife gave me a card on mother's day and I cried and cried because I was glad that she had acknowledged them and the fact that I was a mum even if my boys weren't with me.

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