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Late Miscarriage

(10 Posts)
juliecap Sat 06-Aug-11 20:57:25

Hello ladies,

I saw mumsnet on the tv this morning and thought it would help ease a little of my pain by sharing my experience, so i joined up.

I had a late miscarriage back in January and i'm still struggling to come to terms with it. Everything was going well until my routine scan at 20 weeks where i was told that there was a lot of fluid around some of my babies vital organs and would need to see a specialist, as this was a friday i had to wait until monday to see anyone. When we arrived at the hospital i was given another scan and we were told that there wasn't a heartbeat and my baby had died over the weekend.

I had to go back the following day to give birth to my baby, we found out that it was another boy (we already have a little boy now nearly 2). we called him Joshua. That was one of the hardest thing i've ever had to do along with saying goodbye and leaving him at the hospital. we chose to have a post mortem which came back showing that Joshua had a chromosome abnormality so we were then refered to a genetisist for more testing.

It's just been one long journey since then and not sure if i will ever be able to "get over this"

Sorry for ramberling on just need to get this off my chest

Henrythehappyhelicopter Sat 06-Aug-11 21:28:18

I am so sorry for your loss.

I lost my DD at 24 weeks, went for a scan and there was no heartbeat, had a post mortem which showed baby was perfect. I had many tests but nothing was found. I have had many earlier MC's.

I gave birth to my DS a year later, he is now 10.

I remember those dark days very well, and always will, but it definitely gets easier with time.

I would say just take one day at a time and let time pass.

I wish there was something more I could say, but I promise you it does get easier.

juliecap Sat 06-Aug-11 21:39:21

thanks for taking the time to read and reply to my post. so sorry to hear of your loss.

I feel that as it was almost 7 months ago people think I should be getting on with my life so have to put on a brave face during the day. I feel that i can't talk to anyone about it now and should move on. my days are kept busy with my little boy and the nights are occupied with thoughts of what our lives wuld be like now.

TanyaBranning Sat 06-Aug-11 21:43:41

I'm so sorry to hear about this, juliecap. I have had several early miscarriages, but never a late one. I know how devestating my miscarriages have been, but I can only imagine how difficult a late mc must be sad. You mustn't feel pressure to 'get over it'. This has been a huge loss for you and your partner. You have lost a baby, a much loved and wanted little boy, and you must be allowed (and allow yourself) time to grieve.

Have you heard of a charity called SANDS? They may be able to provide support, and to put you in touch with other mothers in a similar situation if you feel this may be helpful.

Keep posting here, though. You will get plenty of support, and nobody will expect you to 'move on' until you are absolutely ready.

Wishing you all the best x

jellybeans Sat 06-Aug-11 21:53:58

Hi I am so sorry for your loss sad I lost 2 girls at simelar stages. My daughter at 23 weeks who also had hydrops and a very rare chromosome problem (just a one off-bad luck). Another daughter at 20 weeks to preterm birth but was totally healthy. I also had 2 early losses. Losing any baby is tragic but losing one this late is heartbreaking. I was a total wreck for the first year at least. I so know what you mean about putting on a brave face. There was the how many weeks I should be, due date, pregnant women, babies etc. Everything reminded me of what I lost. I felt so alone even amongst family and friends. I so missed them kicking and felt so empty. It's easier to cope with now even though I will never get over it.Hoping your days get more gentle soon.

juliecap Sun 07-Aug-11 09:27:48

TanyaBranning thanks for replying, sorry to hear about this. I have heard of SANDS, I pick up the phone to call them but can never go through with it. I've found it easier to write things down as don't want to break down over the phone.

Jellybeans sorry for your losses, we found out that it was just one of those things as well, so can now start to try again.
I feel exactly how you did, alone with friends and family. No-one I know has experienced a miscarriage so they don't know what to say to me, they try to say the right things.

razzdazz Sun 07-Aug-11 10:19:07

Hi julie, so, so sorry to hear your story though I no that it does not help one little bit. I also lost my baby boy at 22weeks in april this year. He was found to have a genetic condition that only happens in 1/800,000 pregnancies. This was a hard pill to swollow as our daughter was born with a chromosome abnormality at odds of 1/million sad. So far none of the conditions have been inherited from ourselves. Our son was conceived after 4 chemical pregnancies and once we hit 12 weeks we really thought we were on our way. There has not been one day that I have not thought about our baby Thomas. I feel so angry angry so much of the time and empty the rest. Above all I just have a huge desire to have another baby, not to replace Thomas, he will be with me forever, I just need to nurture. The feeling is so strong yet feels almost wrong sad. I truly hope that we will all begin to heal, never forget, just heal. My thoughts are with you.

jellybeans Sun 07-Aug-11 12:21:11

razzdazz so very sorry for your loss sad Must be extra hard with your daughter's chromosome condition too. I often wonder if the other two early losses i had were chromosomal.
After all my losses, especially the two late ones I was desperate to try again. I felt so guilty about that but felt so empty and desperate it wasn't possible not to try again. Was very very lucky to both times have another baby/ies (one was twins) although it took alot longer-over a year- with one. Having another baby really helped although there are hard times and i find I am so worried all the time about bad things happening. I wish i had all my babies but i also know i wouldn't have my living children had i not lost my angels. I can finally face pregnant women now although deep down i always feel they are being naive. I find it hard hearing people moaning about minor pregnancy niggles but then i remind myself i was like that before I lost and also we have to think positive in many things or we would never do anything. I now have 5 living children, one has a very minor disability from a difficult birth but i am very garetful everyday for them. Thinking of you all.

juliecap Sun 07-Aug-11 13:20:31

razzdazz sorry for your loss, loing a child at any stage is so very hard to come to terms with.
I too have a longing for another child to hold my own baby in my arms again, my husband thinks we should wait a little while until things are back to normal (things will never be normal for me again). With my husbands job we could be moved abroad and I'm worried that if we wait i won't get the same treatment as i would here.

jellbeans I too find it hard when pregnant women moan about minor problems want to just shout and sceam at them to be thankful for what they have. angry

Thinking of you all x

juliecap Sun 07-Aug-11 14:16:41

hello sorry last post should say jellybeans not Jellbeans*

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