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Struggling. How did you all cope with your due dates?

(6 Posts)
GwendolineMaryLacey Fri 05-Aug-11 23:26:24

Miscarried in January. Am very very lucky and am now 18 weeks pg (sorry, I hope that isn't too insensitive). Have not done too badly at getting on with things in the last few months. I had a blip on what would have been my last day at work but largely I thought I had dealt with it IYSWIM.

Tonight I just crumbled. I have been meaning since it happened to find a nice folder or wallet to put the various letters into. It's not much but they're all I have. I never got a scan photo. Today I found one so sorted it out and, of course, started to read; "Fetal heart action negative. Please cancel ante natal care". And then it all came flooding out. I had forgotten just how raw it can feel.

There's no point to this post. Just had to put it somewhere. DH doesnt quite get it. He won't remember the due date, August 11th, next Thursday.

I thought of writing a letter to put with the bits. But then realised there was no point. Who would read it?

CaptainNancy Sat 06-Aug-11 00:41:23

I'm sorry for your loss. I still privately remember my due date that was not to be.

Write the letter for yourself, it doesn't matter if it's unread, it;s the writing of it that is important.

Take care.

MissTinaTeaspoon Sat 06-Aug-11 00:47:25

Gwendoline we mc at around the same time...(I used to be meliesmummy) sad. I was due 30th august and feel the same as you...I was really hoping to be pregnant again by then but unless I manage it this month that ain't gonna happen sad

I struggled with the time I should have finished, particularly as I've got a pregnant colleague with the same due date.

I'm just trying to get on with things and hope that I'm not a wreck in the next few weeks, I had planned to have a cs which would have been 23rd august, I certainly wont have a positive test before then.

I'm rambling now, and ive hijacked your thread, sorry sad

RockyB Sun 07-Aug-11 21:08:37

My due date is coming up (14th Sept) and I'm dreading it. To be honest I've felt the effects of my miscarriage more in the last few weeks than I did when it happened (February). I am dreading the due date, and had hoped that I would be pregnant again by then. I won't because my husband has decided he 'wants a break' from it as the pressure was getting to him. Obviously I'm devastated, but I'm powerless to do anything. So for me this will make my due date even worse, which he completely doesn't understand. I feel fairly alienated really.
However, it is excellent that you are pregnant again, I hope that this goes some way in making the pain more bearable for you. xx

scarletfingernail Mon 08-Aug-11 17:43:59

Hi Gwendoline my due date passed recently and it is the due date of my second mc in a few weeks. (I posted on here when they both happened under a different name).

How did I cope? I got on with the every day stuff that I would usually do. DH and I didn't even discuss it apart from a brief acknowledgement of the date. If anyone else remembered or not, I don't know. No one mentioned anything to me and life carried on as normal. I admit that in my head there was a bit of "I wonder if I'd have had it by now if I'd still been pregnant or whether I'd still be waiting" which of course is ridiculous unless there's a paralell universe.

Anyway, for me I think it was for the best that we didn't make a big deal out of it. I don't want to carry on forever with an "anniversary" which might not have even been on that day anyway. It didn't seem healthy to me. Everyone's different I know, but for me it would have been harder if we'd have talked about it, we did so much talking at the time there's nothing else to say about it that wouldn't make it feel as if we were going backwards.

I have to be positive, I have to believe I will get pregnant again (I really wanted to be by now, but sadly it's not happened yet) . Sometimes I think about what I "should" have been doing now but again, I just try and snap myself out of it and think about now and the future.

That's not to say I won't crack at some point of course. I've no idea how I'll feel when I get to the "anniversaries" of the miscarriages or any point in the future. I think the best way to cope is to just go with whatever feels right for you, if that means acknowledge it and have a good cry so be it. If that means not making a big deal of it and carrying on as normal that's fine too.

Your DH may not feel the same as you, but that's also ok. One thing I've learnt from my experience is that just because DH didn't hide away and cry (as I did at the time for a good few days) it doesn't mean he didn't want it just as much as I did.

Thinking of you and everyone else facing this. Best wishes also for the rest of your pregnancy. (It seems to be flying by, I remember when you posted to say you were pregnant)

milkyways Mon 08-Aug-11 20:23:15

Hi gwendoline. I remember you from January - we miscarried around the same time. I'm also pregnant again, and am 18+1 today. In a weird twist of fate my 20 week scan will be in the same week as my due date. I've had 4 mc's and I never did anything to mark the due date with the first three. I don't know why. I was so preoccupied with thinking about the next pregnancy that due dates went by, and the grief kind of built up.

I think writing a letter will definitely help sort your feelings out. You could write it and perhaps bury it in your garden so you have a spot for your little one?

I wish you a healthy pregnancy and hopefully you will be holding your little baby in your arms in January. xx

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