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Is it ok to feel sad?

(4 Posts)
ihatecbeebies Fri 05-Aug-11 12:30:55

I recently miscarried at 9 weeks, it was a shock as I didn't know I was pregnant (switching between contraception at the time but I thought I was still protected - clearly wasn't). I had started to get an incline that I could be pregnant though as I had a lot of the signs and also missed a period but I assumed that it must be a reaction to the hormones produced from the new contraception I was using. After the bleeding started and I noticed that I had possibly miscarried (I went to the toilet and noticed something that shouldn't be there) I went to the doctor who confirmed it for me.

It wasn't a planned pregnancy and I didn't know I was pregnant for definite until I had miscarried but I still feel sad about it, is this normal as part of me feels like I don't have a right to be sad IYKWIM as I didn't know I was carrying a child?

hester Fri 05-Aug-11 12:40:33

Of COURSE it's ok to be sad. It's completely normal and you are as entitled to grieve your loss as any other mother.

I'm so sorry you went through this. Be kind to yourself.

ihatecbeebies Sun 07-Aug-11 15:11:18

Thanks a lot hester I feel a bit less guilty now, I've already got a DS and keep thinking about when I was pregnant with him which is making me quite sad too thinking about what I've lost, DP and I have planned to have more kids once we've both finished studying and are on our feet more with jobs/house/etc but we both feel quite down just now about the whole thing. It felt really good talking about it though as we've not told anyone else apart from the doctor.

Thumbwitch Sun 07-Aug-11 15:17:57

What hester said. It doesn't matter that you didn't know; you still have a lost potential to deal with now and you have some residual hormones kicking about which won't be helping either.

Grieve your loss - you have as much right to do so as anyone else who has been through this.

A friend of mine lost a baby very early, she was a few days late on her period, did a test, got a weak positive, so did another one to be sure (same result) and was shock. She then had a very heavy period and went to A&E, where the bastard SHO who saw her told her that she was never really pregnant and it was probably an old test and/or a false positive. She felt utterly dismissed - and it made her quite depressed - luckily her GP told her to go along to the early pregnancy unit and see someone there and the MW she spoke to was lovely to her. Made her feel much better and said of course she was allowed to be upset that she had had an early MC (which is what it was) and that SHO needed a good kick.

So sad that you're in this position - it's painful to go through but most women have at least one MC, hope your next pg is successful.

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