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So now i need to try to accept that its over for me.

(26 Posts)
mrsnesbit Fri 22-Jul-11 14:43:33

Just come home from the re-occurring miscarriage clinic.
There is nothing that they can do for me, there are no answers that they can give me and there is no treatment or tests available to me now.

We are alone.

Looks like its over.

My fertility is probably close to zero.
It took 18 months to get pregnant, it took 7 weeks to miscarry for the 6th time.

I am devastated but i knew in my heart that this is what they would tell me.

NerfHerder Fri 22-Jul-11 15:36:00

Oh MrsN- I am so sorry, you have my sympathy.

<<envelopes mrsn in a hug>>

peanuthead Fri 22-Jul-11 20:58:15

Mrs N - what did they say - that there is no reason for the MCs? that you should stop trying? that you will mc again? or that there is no treatment for a condition you have? or just that they cannot help and have no answers for you?

do you know why you are infertile? are you "unexplained"? How old are you? have you tried assisted conception?

Just that you sound so hopeless and it may not be over.

I am close to the end of the road myself due to 0 fertility and a couple of second trimester losses and I hate to think of anyone else being in that position. And you may not be at the end of the road you may just feel like you are...Hoping for you..

mrsnesbit Fri 22-Jul-11 21:19:20

Peanuthead, they said exactly that.

All blood tests normal, there are no other tests that they can do for me now.

That i am highly likely to miscarry again.
They cannot help me, or prevent another miscarriage.Or tell me why i miscarry.
It took 17 months this time to become pregnant. Im 41 and i have now had 6 miscarriages. I am too old for assisted conception now.

So thats it. Sadly the end of my road.

stelabelle Fri 22-Jul-11 21:32:52

Mrsnesbit, you wrote to me earlierso I'm returning the favour. I'm so sadto read your story. I'm 40 and I know age is definitely a factor, but I thought if you wanted and could pay for a round of IVF, at the age of 41, you'd still be able to do that?

Also is it worth trying to get referred to a clinic elsewhere in the uk that is passionate sbout fertility and answers because there have to be some... I thought 3 plus miscarriages and they are supposed to investigate properly, not just send you home without the answers... Where do you live?

I am so sorry, I really wish we could give you the answers, please don't give up just yet though, there might be a second opinion out there.

Praying for you...

Stelabelle xxxxx

wellieboots Sat 23-Jul-11 01:53:24

There are no words mrsnesbit, just hugs xxx So so sorry for all you have been through and how you are feeling at the moment

galwaygal Sat 23-Jul-11 08:41:55

mrsnesbit - I am saddened and shocked at the way the doctors have been with you. I have had 11 miscarriages and am age 43, but the docs are not giving up on me yet. They acknowledge that they might not be able to stop another m/c, but they are supporting me in continuing to try.

Have you been tested for NKcells, what about the TEG test? Have you tried, prednisolone treatment, what about heparin and asprin and progesterone?

Have you been seen privately or just on the NHS?

I am sorry that you are going through this, and wish that I could reassure you. Are you resigned to stopping trying or do you want to stop and change your life to a new one? If you are ready to stop, they I sincerely hope you find something to fill the hole that is left by the hope lost.
If you are not ready to stop, I hope that you find someone like Dr Lesley Regan, who does not give up on patients and take away their hope so easily as your doctors seem to have done. If you are still ovulating there is always a chance is what I feel, but repeated m/c's are difficult, although now they are just part of my routine sadly.

I hope you find peace in whatever you do.

OracleInaCoracle Sat 23-Jul-11 08:57:59

Oh mrsnesbit, I too am appalled at your cons, unfortunately they are far, far too common <waves to galwaygal> where in the uk are you can you get a referral to another clinic?

OracleInaCoracle Sat 23-Jul-11 08:58:01

Oh mrsnesbit, I too am appalled at your cons, unfortunately they are far, far too common <waves to galwaygal> where in the uk are you can you get a referral to another clinic?

mrsnesbit Sun 24-Jul-11 16:23:43

Hi and thanks so much for your lovely replies.

I have had all of the tests, 17 all in all im told. I do not believe that i have had tests for NK cells, certainly not endometrial anyway.

My last mc (2 weeks ago) i had progesterone injections twice a week, asprin daily and 5mg FA, all to no avail.

I ovulate...apparently. I have had 6 miscarriages, 4 blighted ovums, 2 with a baby and a heart beat. All ending before 12 weeks.
I have an 8 year old son, had 2 of my mcs prior to havng him. I had pre eclampsia, he was early and only weighed 5Lbs, they say this is posibly due to clotting issues, all of my clotting assays are normal.

I never class myself as being pregnant, i class myself as continuously miscarrying. It is part of my every day now, i am used to them, i know the routine i am numb to them. Its always the same.

I feel pyhsically and mentally that i can go on and keep trying. I am not ready to give up. I feel pressure from other people to give up though.
DH is desperate for another child, he keeps me going in fact.

Plan is to just keep going quetly and carefully, let nature take its course and then i shall accept whatever is thrown our way. I dont feel sad, or bitter, i still feel that we could do it.
I just feel lonely. I feel alone and odd. No one gets it, no one understands it.
Not the professionals, not freinds, not family, no one gets it.

OracleInaCoracle Sun 24-Jul-11 16:34:03

I could have written the latter part of your post. I've had 13 mcs and an ep, and I sense people pulling away when I talk to them about it, and I know they think we should stop. Hell, I think we should stop! Whereabouts are you? Could you try dr shehata? Or lwh?

orangehead Sun 24-Jul-11 16:34:07

Im so sorry MrsN. Which clinic are you under? My local clinic did all the tests and couldnt find anything. They said they had done all they could but were more than happy to refer me Prof Lesley Regan at St Marys paddington, despite me living up north. Tbh she didnt find anything either but she didnt give up on me either. Could you ask for a referral to her?

mrsnesbit Sun 24-Jul-11 16:38:08

I have been going to Liverpool womens.
I live in the NW.

Feel a bit brow beaten and like everything is stacked against us. Yet i DO still feel a wee bit hopeful.

The Doc told us of a women there who had suffered 21 mcs, and had just had a baby girl.....sooooo that is kinda encouraging grin

orangehead Sun 24-Jul-11 16:40:56

Im nw too. It was a bit of a pain going to london for appointments. For one appoinment we got struck in traffic and rang them and they said dont worry just get here when you can. We arrived over 2 hrs late and they were perfectly fine and still saw me smile

MarathonMama Sun 24-Jul-11 21:16:31

My friend was in a similar situation and went to Dr Taranissi in London, he specialises in repeated mcs, she now has twins. His stats are amazing. Don't give up hope.

galwaygal Mon 25-Jul-11 09:54:39

"I never class myself as being pregnant, i class myself as continuously miscarrying. It is part of my every day now, i am used to them, i know the routine i am numb to them. Its always the same.

I feel pyhsically and mentally that i can go on and keep trying. I am not ready to give up. I feel pressure from other people to give up though."

What you wrote is exactly how I feel I can empathise with you totally. I know that Lissielou can too. It seems that once you get to double figures in miscarriages, it is normal, and the fear of having another miscarriage has gone, as we are so used to them.

You said you think you might have clotting issues, have you had the TEG test while pregnant? I had normal clotting assays while not pregnant, but when pregnant the TEG test came back as positive. (with your history it does sound very like clotting issues) I would really really encourage you to go get your TEG test done when next pregnant.

I am currently looking into whether the extra progesterone I have been supplimenting with while pregnant has been hindering rather than helping me too. As I have been lead to believe that extra progesterone can increase clotting issues, but I am not sure of this yet, so am still trying to find the research on it.

I would echo others here that St Mary's (Lesley Regan/Raj Rai) are very good and do the TEG test, and are very encouraging rather than discouraging. It cost me around £500 to go privately (including my transport) when I was pregnant. They accepted most of my previous test results, they did repeat a couple and do a couple of extra (including TEG) that were not done elsewhere. I have not had to go back again (due to distance to travel) but they have been helpful nonetheless.

I just want you to know that you are not alone in this. I was feeling this way with my recent m/c, it was m/c number 11 and I always feels so alone going through it each time. Although Lissielou here has been a great support. Knowing that someone else has been through it and knows what it is about does help.

mrsnesbit Mon 25-Jul-11 15:14:08

Thank you.
Could you tell me a bit more about this TEG test please?

Blighted ovums possibly occur because of chromosomal issues, or poor egg/sperm quality i am led to believe.

We do everything we can to increase and maintain good health, i havent had a drink of alcohol for about 8 years(WTF!!!!!) i only drink 2 cups of decaff coffee a day, have a healthy diet and take multi vits. DH the same.

These steps are the single & only things that make me have peace with my mcs, becuase i KNOW absolutely and without a doubt in my mind that i have not done anything to cause these losses.

Its my 41st birthday soon, i AM going to have a lovely glass of wine, oooh yes indeed i am gringrin

minmooch Mon 25-Jul-11 15:52:55

Oh crikey - I'm with you all too. I have 2 living children from my first marriage but with 2nd marriage I had 3 miscarriages before 12 weeks and then fell pregnant with id twin girls only to lose them at 21 weeks due to IUGR and suspected TTTS. I have since had a further 5 miscarriages.

I expect to miscarry now rather than maintain a pregnancy - how sad that we feel this way? I am 44 now and have had 9 pregnancies in the last 4 years with nothing but heartache to show for it :-(

I can't give up now or it will all have been for nothing. Mother Nature has menopause waiting for me round the corner so we will keep trying until she knocks on the door.

I have had every test done - all to no avail. In 10 years time they could probably find out what is causing us to miscarry but it will be too late then. I have carried 2 babies to term no problem and with my girls I got them past the 12 week milestone and over half way. There seems to be no reason why we cannot do it. Until someone can tell me definitely that there is a reason to stop we will keep trying. My dh just wants someone to call him 'Daddy'.

Neither my friends nor family can understand why or how we can carry on trying to conceive - makes it all the more isolating.

Wishing you all love, luck and peace

Min

xxx

galwaygal Mon 25-Jul-11 20:26:02

minmooch - hi and sorry you are another having recurrent m/c. All my m/c's have been in the last 4 years too. I had my youngest son after the first one, then 10 more in the last 3 years. It really is a part of life for me too. I guess that your dh has had DNA fragmentation test on his sperm done too. So difficult when all the tests come back normal.

It is hard when reading statistics like at 45, 50% of pregnancies end in m/c, yet for us it is more like a 100%, it just does not add up that it is all down to age surely. Sorry that is my little bugbear.

MrsN - I have an 8 year old son too, becoming quite independant now (sob sob!)

As for the TEG test, I found a couple of links to explain: this one by a charity for research into miscarriage group, a canadian research paper on the topic The TEG test has been around for a long time, but only more recently been found to be useful in looking at clotting issues in pregnancy.

Can I ask what you all do about trying again straight after miscarriage. I sometimes feel guilty for not using contraception following a m/c, but I feel my age is alreay against me. I have done the leaving 3 months in between lark, and it made no differece.

Coconutfeet Mon 25-Jul-11 20:43:11

Mrsnesbit - I've had two confirmed blighted ovums and two other mcs and had always thought it was a chromosomal thing because of my age (43), but I recently read Is Your Body Baby Friendly and it said that someone who has had more than one BO should be checked out for NK cells. All tests at my local RMC have come back normal so I've decided to go to privately to Shehata. Is this a possibility for you?

I completely understand that feeling of expecting a pregnancy to fail. I'm in the tww at the moment and we're currently planning our holiday and I'm wondering whether we should book closer to home in case I need an ERPC.

mrsnesbit Wed 27-Jul-11 22:38:30

galway, i always start trying immediately the bleedng has stopped after mc. I just cant afford to wait around for 3 months.
I dont feel guilty tbh, at all.
I have never become pregnant immediately after mc, so its not really an issue for us. It takes between 9-18 months post mc to get pregnant again.

I have not been tested for NK cells but with Liverpool saying that there are no further tests available to me, i kinda took that as a hint to say "piss off now, we are bored of you" grin

Arianrhod Fri 29-Jul-11 11:31:49

MrsN, I just wanted to add my voice to the "don't give up on the testing, if possible" chorus. I'm 43 (and a half!), and just (this week) had my third miscarriage in 7 months. I have a healthy 4yo DD born to a previous partner, and the local hospital told me the RMC clinic would "in all probability" not see me for testing because I have already had one baby. Bugger that. I've got an appointment with Mr Shehata on the 12th Sept and I want answers! I am not prepared to accept the "it's your age" answer - although to be fair to her, the surgeon that did my ERPC on Tues didn't say that, she actually said I should carry on trying (even at my age) and that I would "get there eventually" .. !

I think there's a reason. I get pregnant relatively easily, my cycles are regular, I ovulate every month, and yet my babies keep dying, this last one at 9 weeks (first at 6 weeks, second at 5). I feel there's a reason, I just need the right test to find out what. I'm just reading Dr Beer's book too (mentioned by an earlier poster), and wonder if it could indeed be either a clotting or an immunology issue. I have both mild psoriasis and mild psoriatic arthritis, as well as a history of eczema and hayfever, and understand these are all auto-immune issues - so it could be that.

All I'd say is, if you want to keep on trying, then please don't give up! If you can get to London at all for testing, I understand there are several specialists as well as Mr Shehata who it would be well worth checking out - Prof Regan, Mr Raj Rai, Dr Gorgy spring to mind - and the 'Innermost Secrets' clinic in Cardiff is supposed to be another good place, they test for endometrial NK cells I believe (most other places only test for blood NK cells), if that's easier to get to.

Only you can know whether you're prepared to carry on or not, never mind what anyone else says. I'm thinking I am going to throw everything I've got at this one last attempt, and am hoping that Mr Shehata does at least come up with some kind of answer. Best of luck in whatever you decide to do, but don't give up just because so far no-one has found an answer for you - it may well be out there, and make all the difference!

Ari x

Coconutfeet Fri 29-Jul-11 21:04:57

Arianrhod - I'm seeing Dr S on the 12th too! I'm also 43 and was pleasantly surprised when I asked the receptionist if my age would prevent him seeing me and she said, Oh no, we've had women older than you.

I've got a ds already and was seen by my local RMC. Is it worth pushing to see them so you can take some of your test results with you and save having to pay privately for them?

OP - I've also heard the Care Clinics in Nottingham mentioned on here as having cutting edge treatment for older women. I don't know anything about them myself but someone else on here might.

Arianrhod Mon 01-Aug-11 11:49:21

MrsN, just wanted to see if you've thought any more about having testing??

Coconut ... now how's that for a coincidence! I'm seeing Mr S at 3:10pm, how about you? I am seeing my GP tomorrow to try to persuade her to send OH and me for tests, but I think I saw someone say on another post that you have to wait 6 weeks after your MC before the NHS will start tests and since I'm only a week out of it now, another 5 weeks puts me almost at the time of seeing Mr S, so I'm thinking it's probably not worth having two lots of blood tests done, I might as well ask him to do the lot (since BUPA are paying). I'm just hoping he will also agree to test my OH; I've heard sometimes he does, and sometimes he doesn't. Since we don't know if my OH can have children (my DD is by a previous partner), I do think it worth him being tested - and since OH is 49, I also think it worth him being tested for semen DNA fragmentation. Again, I don't know if Mr S will test for this, but I hope so!

Ari x

Coconutfeet Tue 02-Aug-11 12:33:29

2.40 Arianrhod. I'll probably see you in the waiting room!!

It makes complete sense to wait and have all your testing done by Dr S if BUPA is paying, although I was under the impression that they could start testing as long as you've had a negative pregnancy test. I hadn't realised your latest loss was so recent. I'm sorry. I was going to ask him about my DP as well (although we have one child together). It'll be interesting to hear what he has to say.

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