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DD today, bf doesn't understand

(4 Posts)
Jaguar11 Mon 18-Jul-11 19:20:58

Hi, I had a MMC at 11 weeks over Christmas and ERPC. Today would have been my due date. We're not ttc as it was an unplanned, although very much wanted, which has been really hard for me. It's a maybe one day kind of thing...I've been feeling over emotional for the last few weeks knowing today was coming. I've had a row with my bf tonight as he just does not understand the way I feel. He thinks I'm being too negative. He's not being unkind on purpose, but he can't cope with me being upset and that probably makes me more upset.
I feel so sad and alone. Nobody really understands so I though I'd come on here for some kindness sad((

Catsycat Mon 18-Jul-11 20:45:06

Hi Jaguar. I'm so sorry for your loss. I think it is perfectly understandable that you are feeling sad and upset today.

I had an ERPC on 29th July, and had been recovering nicely (I thought!), then I found last week very hard, because I would have been 12 weeks, and had thought I would have my scan, tell all my friends etc. I imagine at 20 weeks, and even more so on the DD, I will also feel worse again. After all, these are milestones in a pregnancy, where you will see, and finally meet your baby. Instead, you are literally left with nothing, but the memory of what you have lost. I don't think it is negative to acknowledge that sadness, but rather its part of grieving for what you lost.

Is there anything you can do (either with or without your bf) to mark the day - e.g. light a candle, read a poem, write a letter to the baby, or anything else that would be meaningful to you?

I hope you can talk to your bf about this again when the row has faded a bit, and that he will come to understand how you feel.

Take care x

Jaguar11 Mon 18-Jul-11 21:00:53

Thanks Catsy and I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You are right that they are all milestones and you can't help thinking of them. I suppose people grieve in a different way.
I like your idea of a candle. I'm going to go to bed early and light a candle in my room, and just have some quiet time.
take care xx

Catsycat Tue 19-Jul-11 10:52:53

Hi Jaguar, I hope you are OK this morning.

(And of course, my mc was June 29th, not July... )


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