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Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Sex after a MMC & ERPC op - quite scared to go there!

13 replies

Mama5isalive · 14/07/2011 10:01

Hi - i had ERPC on the 22nd June im not bleeding but am so scared off having sex. When we found out i was pregnant(29th april) i was shattered working full time so sex was off the cards, my DH has been great and very supportive and has not pressured me at all, but im worried that it may just be to much too soon- am i being silly?

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LIG1979 · 14/07/2011 10:50

I found the first time quite daunting so we did it when we were drunk. There was a little bit of blood but nothing major. I think for me it just had so many connotations with being pregnant and the miscarriage and I didn't think I could do it sober. Now - I am perfectly fine with SWI and no alcohol is needed - it was just to get through the 1st time.

Good luck - hopefully it will be an enjoyable experience x

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Kitesurfgirl · 14/07/2011 10:57

i agree with the lady above! I had my erpc on the 27th May...I waited until the bleeding had stopped, and probably a week or so after that. I also had a bottle of wine, just couldn't face it sober..and honestly...i was very emotional...more so because of the baby we'd lost (my mmc was at 16 weeks)....but i found it reconnected me to my DH (who also actually found it all emotional). Just take your time, and try not to worry, if you don't feel ready then you won't be..your body has to feel ready xxx

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Muminator2000 · 14/07/2011 11:01

I bled for almost 2 months after my miscarriage. It was a really difficult time for me and I didnt want sex either. I think I got a bit emotional when it finally did happen but it was nothing to be scared of. the love and bond you share with your partner will let you know when the time is right its not always about making a baby sometimes its about sharing a connection with someone and you have to remember that making babies is not the only reason to have sex. Dont feel pressured by anyone or anything.

Good luck xx

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Mama5isalive · 14/07/2011 21:19

Thanks for the advice - i so dont feel pressured DH is great and he is all about how im feeling, i am feeling im ready but wouldnt want to start and then flip out!
i dont think it will be fair on DH.
wish me luck, i will def see how it goes!!!

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Summerbird73 · 14/07/2011 21:28

my advice is to 'get through' the first time i had my MC in March and the first time we had sex i cried, i think it was exhaustion mixed with emotion about the baby and the trauma etc etc.

However DH was fab and gave me a cuddle instead and i am pleased to say that we managed to resume normal service not long after.

Hope all goes well for you

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escapeartist · 15/07/2011 10:32

I really feel for you. I also felt strange about having sex again after my mmc and erpc. As summerbird says it was a mix of emotion about not being pregnant, fear about bleeding etc. In fact it took me about 2 months to feel less emotional during and after sex and start enjoying it again.

I also felt weird because nobody seemed to mention it here on the boards and could see that a lot of people got pg in their first month after an erpc - while I could even get myself to even go there...

Give yourself time! I found sexual activities without penetration less "threatening" and a good way to start. Also, I was not sure I wanted to start "trying" again, so I was less worried knowing that we were not...

Good luck mama5!

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Ladybee · 15/07/2011 12:00

I think a lot of women find it very emotional having sex after MC/ERPC. I've been on various ttc after MC boards for a while and it's a very common experience - normal, I would say. Talk to your DH/DP about your fears - even if it's just to say 'I'm pretty sure I'll start crying after we have sex the first time' just to voice it can be helpful. You don't need to pretend that nothing has happened or that you're 'over it'.

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Mama5isalive · 15/07/2011 23:01

thanks again guys yes i have seen loads of ttc threads but noone has addressed the "1st time sex" after this awful thing has happened to you and your body!
i have spoken to my DH about it and as i said he is great and so supportive saying "dont worry about it lets move and your pace just deal with yourself and your well being" so thats why i want to be ok and fine with it, for he has coped with so much also already!
But i'm so not rushing and i know when the "times right" it will be fine, its just a "emotional" issue i have to deal with!
Sorry for your losses - and lets take 1 day at a time!

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Mama5isalive · 19/07/2011 23:43

i am feeling much stronger now and i really want to spend some quality time with my DH so have the weekend planed no kids just us and so if my AF does not come i may have found my "mojo" and surprise my DH.

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Mama5isalive · 20/07/2011 21:06

cramping feeling all day - so now watching and waiting if my AF will return so yet another nite going pass!!!!!!!

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Mama5isalive · 27/07/2011 14:28

well its finally hear so will have to put off my romantic evening with my DH after! never know it could be a chance to ttc and see if it happens!

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Mama5isalive · 03/08/2011 13:57

well its over now im planning a nice get away for a night this weekend so bring it on!!!!! im ready now!

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Mama5isalive · 09/08/2011 22:12

this riot business is spoiling the "mood" boooooooooo!
instead of soft music im hearing sirens and helicopters!!!!!!