So sad after ms

[Ginga66]

I had ms one week ago tomorrow. Started with a bleed a month ago after sex. I went to a and e for check up and one dr said cervix open and over then gynae said just appearance due to having had a baby already and ok. Then tues last week Tuesday started bleeding but just brown. I had an antenatal appoint ment on the wed and they said gestation sac nothing else maybe too early. I had alrady waited for scan from emergency appointment. On Thursday had gush of red blood and then clots. Went into hospital where I saw two drs. I was moved from a room to a waiting area. My dh had to go home to look after our ds so was alone but in this room with two couples meanwhile having to take pads to the toilet, was very uncomfortable. I was eventually scanned in the am Friday and told that it had moved Nd would miscarry now. Went home again but sat nightmoredesperate bleeding,dizzy and faint and re admitted at which point told was recorded as threatened ms but now inevitable. I had been sent home at six on Friday after seeing third dr who assureddme cvix was closed. On sat the drsaid would not have opened then close again. The dr who said it was close left me bleeding and half naked on a gurney for half an hour whole he examined another pt and then told me I was lucky as she had lost one old enough to see arms and llegs. Hethen gave me the worst internal I have ever had. Anyhow on sat to sun it wasendlessclots.I was sharinga room with a pregnant woman and had to gl to the toilet and leave everything for the nurses to look for fetal tissue. Finally had another scan and today and told not much left. Had given me choice of taking tissue away but dh not keen.
I had termination four years ago, then my beautiful son and now ms. I cannot stop thinking about the two babies that will never be. I wasambivalentabout this pg to strat with but thn happy and now devastated. I have been prescribed anti depressants but amscared to take them. I have to get back to work.I have to be bright for my little boy. Iwent through most of this alone as dh was working and minding son. We have argued a lot since and during. He does not feel the loss I feel.
I have gained so much support corm reading various ms threads but still feel so alone. I know icantconceive again for a while but all I want now is to be pregnant. Just wanted to talk... Sorry for bad typing but key board sticking.

[hester]

I'm so sorry, Ginga. Miscarriage is a really dreadful experience. Sorry too that your dh is not able to give you the support you need. Do you have anyone in RL who can help you through this?

[toobusy999]

So sorry Ginga. You sound like you had such a hard time of it. Maybe you could talk to your dr about your fear of anti depressants and he could find you some counselling...? if that ever happens?

[puzzletree]

Hi Ginga, so sorry for your loss. It's such a horrible thing to go through, I started miscarrying last saturday too, it mostly happened on sunday but I am still bleeding. Please give yourself time to get through this, it's still very early days. I am lucky in that DP has been with me all the way through, I think it helped him to understand how horrific it is by being there for all the A&E waiting, the multiple toilet visits, the gynae exam, the scan etc. He also took a few days off work to look after the kids while I basically moped in bed.
The nurse at EPU told me that if I was working I should take 2 weeks off. Is there a chance you could take some time off? And were you given a leaflet about the miscarriage association, it describes the feelings you may have and what happens next etc, also has a contact if you need to talk with someone. I think it was useful for DP to read through too. They have a website I think.
In the mean time, don't pressurise yourself, and keep talking to people on this board, we all understand :(

[Catsycat]

Sorry you are in this situation Ginga. These threads have been so helpful to me since I found I had lost my baby nearly 3 weeks ago. Everyone on here does understand, as Puzzletree said.

Sounds like you had a really hard time at the hospital - it is such a shame when they make the awful loss even worse, by treating you with less care than they should.

The miscarriage association website is fantastic, all their leaflets are online if there is information that you need, and I believe they also have a helpline during office hours if you want to talk to a real person.

Please take care of yourself, and give yourself time and permission to grieve.

[faintpositive]

its shite isnt it.
so very sorry x

[Ginga66]

Thanks guys.puzzle tree and catsycat will look up ms association. Have taken week off and will take another. My ds reaklynhelping, he is such a loving little boy, lots of cuddles.feeling sad now more than angry but thinking about complaining about dr who gave me such an awful exam.
Bleeding tailing off now. Dh trying but rationalisesvwas not baby yet and wee told ms happens due to chromosomal defect so better this way which comforts him I think. Not really helping me.