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I don't know what to do

(5 Posts)
babytiger Mon 27-Jun-11 13:45:52

I'm 8+2 weeks pregnant and because of 4 previous miscarriages had an early scan at 6+3 weeks. They couldn't find a heartbeat and rebooked another scan for last week. After the most horrible, anxious week where I had to carry on as normal taking DS to his playgroups, we had the scan (at 7+4 weeks) but they still could find a heartbeat. The foetus had only grown by 0.3mm in a week which they said wasn't normal but the sac was measuring 7 weeks which is right from my dates.

I'm 43 and don't really feel I have much more time left. We conceived DS when I was 40 first month of trying and really want a sibling for him but we've been trying for 18 months now with no luck. I had a miscarriage last July while I was still breastfeeding him (I carried on til he was 15 months) and this is the second pregnancy since him

Anyway, I feel like I'm still pregnant and my little bump has grown since last week - part of me thinks they've made a horrible mistake and they've got it all wrong. I just don't know what to do. I want to wait and miscarry naturally if it's going to happen, but we go on holiday (to Cornwall) on Friday and because of a horrible miscarriage (at 12wks) a few years ago, DH is loathe to go in case something happens on the long journey down (we live in the North East) or when we're down there in the middle of nowhere. He's talking about cancelling but we need this holiday so much

I've phoned the hospital where they did the scan and the lovely nurse has booked me in for a D&C tomorrow afternoon as it seems the only way to know, deal with it and go on holiday but I'm beside myself. I don't want to deal with this surgically, I feel sick even thinking about it. But I don't think I can go on holiday waiting to miscarry, feeling like I'm still pregnant but drinking wine because I've been told I'm not - it'll drive me crazy, but I'm so scared of having a D&C. We haven't told anyone about this and I just don't know who to talk to.

Thank you for listening x

uggmum Mon 27-Jun-11 14:39:18

I am sorry that you are going thru this. I lost a baby in Dec. Got to 10 weeks, but measured 8, no heartbeat. But the foetus has grown significantly between scans.

I wouldn't have miscarried spontaneously and I had a erpc. I had really strong symptoms which disappeared instantly after the op.

I know it's personal choice but I preferred the erpc route as I felt that it was over quicker and I could move on rather than waiting for days.

You will prob need a holiday after this, being in a different place will be a distraction and having family time together will help too.

milkyways Mon 27-Jun-11 14:55:50

Hello babytiger, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I would just like to tell you that ERPC is not the only way to manage a miscarriage. There is another option available called Medical Management, whereby you take a pill on day 1 and then insert pessaries at day 3 and this promotes bleeding and subsequently, the miscarriage. If you feel you can't deal with the ERPC, then you must tell your hospital today or when you go in tomorrow, and I am sure they can sort out the Medical Management option for you.

If you do go through with the ERPC, then through my experience it wasn't that bad. I hate needles so it was a bit traumatic for me, but I don't remember a thing, and I had no pain and very limited bleeding afterwards.

Have you had testing done for your miscarriages? If you want to talk about your feelings then there is a thread on here called "Recurrent miscarriages - Testing and beyond" There is a group of us who have been through recurrent miscarriages, and you can discuss treatments and just vent if you want.

I hope you decide what is best for you and that you get through this hard time. I know nothing anyone says will make you feel better but going on holiday will definitely help you relax and make this time easier for you.

Good luck

faintpositive Mon 27-Jun-11 15:55:17

Hi, our stories are very similar so i had to answer.

You are doing the right thing having a D&C as when this happened to me, i opted to wait. I knew that i would miscarry at 7 weeks from scans but didnt miscarry till i was 13 weeks and the wait was horrific.

I have had 5 mcs now.
We have been trying for another baby for 17 months, i am nearly 41. I am now 7 weeks and will have a scan on Thursday to tell me whether or not i will miscarry again.

So deepest sypmathies toyou, and you are not alone, there are a few of us that have gone through similar, so please feel free to chat if you need to x

babytiger Mon 27-Jun-11 19:11:44

Hi everyone

Thank you so much for replying. I think I've decided to go ahead tomorrow. We really need this holiday and I'm just not sure I could bear feeling like this any longer. I'm so scared tho

hi uggmum - I'm really sorry you lost your baby. Having thought about what you've said, I think I would rather just get it over with so we can move on

hi milkyways - I did think about taking the pills but we had such a traumatic miscarriage almost exactly 5 years ago and I don't think I could put DH through it again. He had to rush me to A&E and they 'assisted' the miscarriage, it was pretty grim. I think that's what's helped me make the decision as I'd rather go through anything than that. Our other miscarriages have always been around the 6week mark

hi faintpositive - i'm so sorry about your miscarriages. it must have been awful waiting. I've been going out of my mind since thursday's scan hoping it'll just happen and I don't think i can do it much longer. our stories are really similar and i really hope you see a heartbeat on thursday

I'm not sure whether we'll try again. In 5 years we've been pregnant 6 times and only one has gone full term. I feel soooooo lucky for our gorgeous little boy. We have been referred but the consultants couldn't seem to care a less and either say nothing's wrong from the tests (chromosone, anti-phospholipid (sp?) syndrome) and don't seem to be willing to test further. I was on progesterone during my full term pregnancy as the consultant didn't think it would hurt to try it, so started taking that when I got a BFP but maybe I should have started earlier. Didn't try aspirin, maybe i should have?

Having said all that, I'm going to try acupuncture and kinesiology and see if they work so maybe I haven't completely given up just yet. I feel so tired of it all though

Anyway, I better go and pack for tomorrow, thank you for all your replies

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