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Love to hear from anyone who is 39 and had two early MC's following a successful 1st pregnancy?

(29 Posts)
Tangledisthelatest Wed 22-Jun-11 14:16:26

I'm SO disheartened after having my second missed miscarriage. (First at 6.6 weeks then this, at 5 weeks).

After the problem-free pregnancy and birth of DD (whos now 3) its just such a shock that my bodys not functioning right anymore. The doctor puts it down to the fact that I'm older now.

I can manage to GET pregnant quite easily but staying that way seems to be posing a huge problem. Is this just a numbers game?

Would love to hear from anyone else in this position and any stories from those who have gone on trying and had some success. This just all seems insurmountable at present, and especially disheartening as everyones getting up-duffed left, right and centre around me without the slightest bother.

MrsSteph Wed 22-Jun-11 16:44:59

I am 37, I have 1 DD 20mths then I had 2 MC this year Jan & Apr, just found out 5 weeks pregnant I have no problem conceiving clearly but just hoping & praying this baby is ok!xx

MissRedIndie Wed 22-Jun-11 19:15:49

Hi Tangled, I can't give much useful advice I'm afraid but just wanted to express sympathy...I'm just going through a miscarriage at 5 weeks after an easy pregnancy with DD (now 9mo), and understand the frustration and sadness.

Pretty much everyone important to me is pregnant right now (sister, 2 best friends, good NCT friend who is due same date as I was about to be due...!), so understand that too. The only thing I'd say is I expect more people than you realise are going through the same thing, but just haven't mentioned it - people usually only come out of the woodwork with their miscarriages stories once they have a success story to tell too.

Chin up, I'm sure you'll pull through this and go on to have another DC, you just have to grit your teeth through the hard times.

Thinking of you...

harrietlichman Wed 22-Jun-11 19:48:14

I am 39, have two dcs, aged 6 and 4, and had first mc 2 years ago and then another last week. (First one was at 8 weeks, last one 6) I feel very much as you describe - had no problems previously, then, seemingly out of no where, I can't hold on to a pregnancy. I too had no problems conceiving, just staying that way. Not sure if it's just bad luck, or down to age...I haven't seen a doctor since last one, though I have a feeling I need to as still having some pain and might need to see if I need an ERPC (or whatever it's called) I really just want to be left alone though, so am hoping I will just be ok in a day or two.
Horrible, isn't it?
Hope everything works out for you, MrsSteph, I am hoping I have the courage to go again, but not sure at this point...

Catsycat Wed 22-Jun-11 19:56:53

I just wanted to say I do feel a lot of sympathy with you. I just found out this afternoon that I had a missed miscarriage after 9 weeks, and am devastated. I never had any pregnancy problems before with my 2 DDs, so stupidly thought this would never happen to me. I'm 38.

I understand the frustration of feeling your body let you down. I had two emergency c-sections, and really felt a failure with the first one as I didn't even go into labour after being induced for 3 days. The second birth, although still a c-section, did actually involve me going into labour, so it put to rest a lot of the feelings of failure from the first. I always comforted myself that I never had a problem keeping the baby happy inside me. Now that part has let me down too.... Its really rubbish isn't it.

A lot of my friends have had miscarriages. One had 5 or 6 years between her two children, with several miscarriages in between, her second daughter was conceived when she was in her early 40s. Another friend had a miscarriage with her first pregnancy, I think around age 40. She now has two children, the second which she thought was the menopause, as she had been told by her GP she would be unable to have more children because she was menopausal. They were much older than you when they had their second children, so please don't feel despondant (I know it's hard not to).

I really hope you will have another baby (me too!), and from what you've said I don't see why you shouldn't.

RickGhastley Wed 22-Jun-11 22:32:48

Hi tangled,

Sorry to hear about your M/Cs. It sucks.

I'm 38 and have had 2 m/cs this year; a MMC at 9 weeks and am more than likely miscarrying now at 7 weeks. We concieved DS the first month of trying 4 years ago and had a completely trouble free pregnancy.

Now starting to worry that I can't carry a baby to term, althouth my lovely GP says that's unlikely to be the case and it's just rotten luck combined with being older!

I wish you lots of luck if you decide to try again xx

FunnysInTheGarden Wed 22-Jun-11 22:40:45

I had a MMC at 12 weeks before becoming pregnant with both DS's. I was 34 and 38. It is awful and I do feel for you. All I can say is keep going, you will get there no matter how you despair at the moment.

dietcokeandwine Wed 22-Jun-11 22:59:42

tangled

so sorry to hear about your miscarriages. It's a horrible situation to be in, I can remember it so painfully. But hopefully I can give you some hope...

It took me 3 months to conceive DS1.

It took me 3 years, 2 miscarriages (1 natural, 1 missed), 6 months' of Clomid and an IVF cycle to conceive DS2. I was 38 when DS2 was finally born.

I honestly thought I would never manage to have another baby; I had the double whammy of both taking ages to conceive, and then miscarrying when I finally did manage to conceive. It was heartbreaking. And as you say there is something so utterly isolating about it when 'everyone's getting up-duffed left, right and centre around me without the slightest bother' (God I can SO remember how that felt and you put it so perfectly)

But we got there, eventually; we did IVF and my pregnancy with DS2 was completely straightforward. So please don't give up hope. DS2 is now 20m and I have just over 5 years between the two of them and DS2 is the most gorgeous, cheeky little miracle you can imagine. DS1 adores him (except when DS2 trashes his Lego grin).

mintymellons Thu 23-Jun-11 11:27:08

Well, I was 35 (almost 36) when I successfully conceived DD2 (now 15 months!).

DD1 was conceived first month of trying. We then ttc no2 and I had two very early mcs. In my case I think it boiled down to some placenta problems I'd had with DD1 which meant that my body kept rejecting the placenta 2nd time round. I self medicated with low dose aspirin. Even when DD2 was conceived, I had a 24 hour bleed at around 4 weeks and thought it was going to go the same way as the others, but I continued taking the aspirin, the bleeding stopped and the pg continued normally (no further bleeds). DD2 was born at 39 weeks, weighing 7lbs 11 and was absolutely fine!

I know how frustrating it can be. Good luck.

harrietlichman Thu 23-Jun-11 14:34:49

mintymellons - what does the aspirin do?

mintymellons Thu 23-Jun-11 15:48:42

It's to do with blood clotting disorders that can arise for various reasons and be the cause of some mcs. If you google 'aspirin miscarriage' you should find out more - sorry, I would do it for you but my DC are rampaging around the living room!

Tangledisthelatest Thu 23-Jun-11 16:43:49

Thanks all for the words of comfort. RickGhastley you sound so similar. How can circumstances be so different 2 or 3 years down the line when your bodies already done it all so successfully already?

AM gradually becoming more philosphical and less self-pitying though I think. The main things that seem to be getting to me are the fact that I'm so knackered now, I cant imagine having to deal with a newborn over the age of 40 and also the fact that, (and this is very selfish and inexusableblush) if its just bad luck, why am I getting it all?

mintymelons have been reading up on this aspirin thing myself and it cant do any harm to give it a go next time round...

MrsSteph Ive got all my fingers crossed for you. It does seem to be VERY common to have two then the third be OK but I know its so difficult to stop the worry. The waiting is just torture.

JugglingMama Thu 23-Jun-11 17:19:15

Hi Tangled
So sorry to hear your woes..and everyone elses. If its any consolation, I had 3 consecutive mcs last year..and I have a son aged 3 which I had no trouble conceiving or being pgt with. All my msgcs were under 10 wks, 7, 6 and 9. I had tests for all the usual stuff and nothing showed up. I was on aispirin daily and still miscarried the thrid time. Im now currently almost 30 wks pregnant and have had no bleeding or weird stuff this time round. go figure? Im 41 now..and spent most of 39/40 despairing. I was given progesterone (800mg daily) for the first 12 wks as well as the aispirin. Consultant did it as a' it wont harm' rather than tests showed I needed them...Said that sometimes these things just right themselves..not v scientific! But, here I am now..I was v scared the first 12 wks, then focused on getting to 24 wks viability, then 28..now hoping Im on the home stretch. But like many on this thread, wont believe it fully til I have a little baba in my arms! dd sept 5th.
hope this gives some hope..
take care everyone.

boohoohoo Thu 23-Jun-11 17:30:57

Im the same as you tangled, had no problems with my other two but have now had two early mcs and am trying one last time. Its really reasuring to hear from the others on this thread because ive convinced myself that Im/my eggs are too old and surely it will just end in mc.

Decided not to go to the doctors over it because I fear that he may just laugh at me or tell me to be grateful for what I have.

Bloody painful though x

Tangledisthelatest Thu 23-Jun-11 20:04:21

Juggling, thanks so much for the tale of hope. It all helps. Its just so sad that it causes so much heartache in the years between. I didnt enjoy my first pregnancy because I didnt appreciate what it was all for and I swore I would make the most of it second time round. Its a cruel blow that once this has happened you can never truly relax and enjoy it.

Boohoo- I am SO SO happy and grateful for what I already have too but agreed- it certainly doesnt stop it hurting.

Chrysanthemum5 Thu 23-Jun-11 20:15:44

Hi
I had a mc at 7-8 weeks when I was 30 and in my first marriage. Then with DH I had a DS when 36, a mc at 7-8 weeks at 38 and then 4 months later (once my cycle was back to normal) I became pregnant with DD. The mc was a huge shock because I'd had such a great pregnancy with DS I assumed having another baby would be easy.

The GP was very unsympathetic and basically told me most pregnancies end in mc so just to accept I'd lose more pregnancies and refused to talk about it or consider any tests. I straightaway changed GP to someone who was more sympathetic so I'd do that if I were you.

iggitwotimes Thu 23-Jun-11 22:26:23

Not a success story I'm afraid, I had DS at 37 with no problems, and then had a mc at 39 and another 3 since I turned 40.
I'm now seeing a specialist privately and to be honest I wish I had done that sooner, rather than believed it was all just "bad luck" as they like to tell us.
I believe (on a good day) that if I keep trying I will get that baby.

lionmummy Thu 23-Jun-11 22:39:53

Tangled, so sorry to hear this. Last year, at age 38, I had a mmc at 17+4weeks after 2 dcs. I'm now 27 weeks pg so not a success story yet but I am another year older & closer to the big 4-0. Please don't give up hope, as iggit says, you've got to keep believing that you will get that baby.

mintymellons Fri 24-Jun-11 09:40:39

The thing with mcs (especially after yu've had successful pgs already) is that it just seems random. You can have tests and they find nothing 'wrong', you can try a few things yourself which may or may not work. Like I said earlier, I think the aspirin worked for me. I also took B vitamins (again, suppposed to help). But then I did have an idea what may have been the cause of my mcs. So frustrating I know.

Good luck to all of you on this thread who are ttc or hanging on in there.

freakydeaky Fri 24-Jun-11 16:48:46

Hi everyone smile

This is the first time I've posted on MN, (although I've been reading it for ages!) so hope this works ok...

I just wanted to say - don't give up hope. And try not to worry. I had 2 children from a previous marriage with absolutely no problem, and assumed with 2nd marriage there would be no problem again. Unfortunately, it didn't work like that....Although I had no difficulty getting pregnant, I had 2 miscarriages, one at 8 weeks, one at 12.

It was absolutely devastating, shocking...so beyond our control and apparently so completely random. My GP wasn't great, said pretty much the same as an earlier poster commented, about how many pregnancies end in miscarriage etc etc..."ESPECIALLY AT YOUR AGE"....

I was 39.

And the good news is that having decided we'd try just one more time - we did it! I have to admit I felt nervous all through the pregnancy, although once we were past the stage we'd lost the previous two at things became a little easier. But bang on time (well, 2 days early) our beautiful, healthy, 'last chance baby' was born.

That was almost 13 years ago, so I'm sure antenatal care etc has improved since then, as well.

I'm 53 now, the very proud Mum of a 26 year old, a 22 year old, and a nearly 13 year old. And although it was heartbreaking to struggle like we did, and being an older (ahem!) mum can have its drawbacks, I'd do it all again in a heartbeat!

So, to all of you going through it at the moment, my very best wishes, good luck, and keep believing!

(sorry if this is too long) xx

iggitwotimes Fri 24-Jun-11 17:25:43

Freakydeaky, that was a lovely first post! smile

pudding25 Fri 24-Jun-11 22:44:19

Good to hear that Freakydeaky.

Tangled, I am like you. Have DD aged 3, am 39 and have had 2 miscarriages, in the past yr. One at 9 weeks, one at 12 wks. I also get pregnant at the drop of a hat and I am terrified of trying again and having another miscarriage. I am also shattered with a stressful job and never wanted children in my 40s. It is all very stressful. The NHS gave me to blood test for clotting but everything is fine. I don't know what to do next.

Tangledisthelatest Sun 26-Jun-11 19:16:40

Thanks for your post Freakydeaky, thats great news.

pudding that is so familiar. I also have a stressful job but I dont want to end up kicking myself for letting it get in the way of trying to give DD a sibling. Its rubbish isnt it.

Reading this back I have had an awful whinge on this post, thank you all for letting me sound off. What else to do but pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again? At least for a bit anyway.

xx

kiteflying Fri 08-Jul-11 13:59:46

Tangled, can you see a repro specialist and discuss using prednisolone and antibiotics to help the pregnancy stick? There is another discussion on this board about using these drugs to combat natural killer cells.

beachyhead Fri 08-Jul-11 14:17:27

I was in your position and yes, I got my 3rd child after 2 MC's....
First dd born when I was 32 (9 weeks early all v. traumatic), ds born when I was 35, then 2 MC's at 11 weeks and 8 weeks and then dd2 born 9 days before my 40th birthday in 2005. I was under the Early Pregnancy Unit and was scanned a lot, at 6 weeks, 10 weeks and all the way through. Everyone thought I was mad to keep trying, but it all worked out for the best in the end....Good Luck

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