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Miscarriage last month, my sister in law is pregnant, don't quite know what to do...

(7 Posts)
McG85 Tue 21-Jun-11 11:51:57

I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks last month, I feel like I've been coping really well day to day, but my sister in law is pregnant and is due around the same time as I would have been and as happy as I am for her and my brother, I just feel sad every time someone talks about it and when I saw the scan picture and probably felt a bit jealous too. I don't feel like I can talk about it to my family as they are all so happy and I don't want to sound horrible.

All I really want to do is move on but at the moment it just feels like a constant reminder of what I don't have.

crystalglasses Tue 21-Jun-11 11:54:46

A similar thing happened to me with a very close friend but by the time my friend gave birth I was pregnant again and so it wasn't nearly as difficult as it might have been. Fingers crossed the same thing happens to you.

VJay Tue 21-Jun-11 12:39:37

This happened to me too and it's perfectly normal to feel the way you're feeling. I found it helpful chatting to others on here who'd been through the same thing.

escapeartist Tue 21-Jun-11 16:13:23

McG85 I feel the same at the time, though I am lucky it is not a family member but just a close friend. She has the exact same due date as me and it kills me everytime I see her/talk to her etc. I was also invited to her baby shower which made me sad for a whole weekend (pathtic, I know...)

Keep yourself sane, talk to people on here, make plans (I'm running the marathon on my due date) and no one knows what the future holds - all the best if you continue trying.

knittymum Wed 22-Jun-11 21:11:19

This is happening to me. I lost my baby last month at 18 weeks, and my sister in law is expecting in August. My birthday was last week and I had planned to do my first 'baby shopping' day as a baby goods warehouse near us had a discount day on my birthday. Obviously I didn't do that but when my sister in law brought my birthday card round she told me she was going to the discount place to shop for her baby. It brought me down for the whole of the rest of the day, feeling like she was having my birthday! Daft I know, but hormones don't make you react very normally, do they! I'm doing my best to look forward to my new niece or nephew, and I'm sure I'll be happy after he or she arrives, but I know it'll be hard at first.

McG85 Wed 22-Jun-11 21:39:23

Thanks for your messages, it's a big help knowing I'm not the only one!

I think I'm just trying to keep busy - We probably weren't in the best position when I found out I was pregnant jobwise and where we are living, an DP wasn't too keen on having kids yet anyway - although he now really wants them, so I'm trying to look at it like it just wasn't my time and now we've realised what we want, we can spend the next few months getting ourselves sorted - hopefully by December (my original due date) we will be in the position to try properley - something to plan for!

x

Glitterybits Thu 23-Jun-11 17:08:24

Big hugs. The exact same thing happened to me with my sister-in-law (a little easier though, as she's my hubby's sister rather than my brother's wife) and she wasn't exactly the queen of tact about it. If it's any consolation, I didn't even feel all that happy for her either because I had a fairly traumatic miscarriage and had just come out of hospital when she announced she was due to give birth a few weeks after I would have been. I still find it utterly inexcusable that she chose that moment to announce her news, but I suppose family members have to announce it at some point! It's really hard and I think whatever emotion you are feeling, be it negative or downright resentful/ angry is perfectly normal at this stage.

I also found it quite hellish when the baby was born, because I still wasn't pregnant and it seemed that everyone in the world was pregnant or giving birth by then!

What got me through the insanity was this fantastic website and the wonderful ladies here. Even if no one in RL comprehends how you feel, there are lots of people here who will keep listening for weeks, months and even years after the rest of the world thinks you should have got over it.

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