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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Due date Looming and struggling to deal with it

4 replies

MelMal · 17/06/2011 18:08

I lost my wee angel at 27 weeks + 3 back in March this year when she was stillborn. We've now had the PM results back confirming that I suffered a very severe case of pre-eclampsia. My husband and I are coming to terms with all of the info and we are dealing with it but I'm really struggling this weekend as it would have been my due date (and it's father's day too). I can't see this getting any easier and don't know how I'm going to cope on the "anniversary" dates. We're going to release a chinese lantern for her on Sunday morning but I am terrified that I am going to start taking backwards steps in dealing with the loss (if that makes sense?). Anyone have any suggestions on positive dteps forward?

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angelfire · 17/06/2011 19:52

I had a M/C 4 years ago.
I found the next 8 months increasingly hard and the build up to the due date very difficult
However once the due date had gone I found things got easier - it was almost as if it was I had worked through the dates and the milestones were behind me - no more this would have been the time I got my 20 week scan, this would have been the time I stopped work, this would have been D day etc.
I did not go backwards. I cannot say I went forwards either (at times). But the intensity of the loss goes and eventually it stopped hurting (quite as much)
Thinking of you

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QueenoftheVerse · 18/06/2011 02:17

I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter.

I suffered a stillbirth last year and she would have been due in March this year. I found I coped for a couple of months in between the loss in November and March and then broke down in March. From what I understand, this is normal. It's part of the grieving process. You will get through this. You're not taking a step back, you're just accepting that this should have been a happy time for you but you have to deal with a loss instead.

I'm now starting to come to terms with what's happened and move on and as angelfire said the intensity of the loss decreases over time.

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angelfire · 21/06/2011 06:40

Melmal

I thought of you on Sunday and hoped you were getting through the day. it was a glorious day here - the sun shone and there was a gentle breeze. I hope you were able to sit in your garden in the sun and remember your lovely child. I hope the day wasn't too bad and although there must have been tears I hope that things were not overwhelming.

Take care

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MelMal · 21/06/2011 10:37

Thanks Angel and Queen - Sunday didn't go to plan in the slightest. We tried to release a Chinese lantern after midnight with a message for Ruby from each of us. It wouldn't take off! We then decided to go to a balloon release and picnic which had been organised by our local Sands group. We turned up and eventually found out that it had been cancelled due to inclement weather. My husband and I then decided to go to our local park and we bought a balloon and had our picnic and then released the balloon. It was very emotional and my husband was really upset. I think that that was good for him though as he has been an absolute rock throughout this and I think that he needed the release. Anyway, the long and short of this is that we got through it (which I guess we always knew we would). Thanks for thinking about us. I guess we have to turn to the positive that we were blessed to have a beautiful baby girl, even if she wasn't meant for this world. We think that she's being a guardian angel for her cousin who was born three days before her x