I'm not sure why I'm posting on here but I suppose it's because, other than my wonderful husband who is also heartbroken, I don't want to tell anyone close to me about the experience.
I found out I was pregnant a month ago and my husband and I were both over the moon. We spoke about all sorts of things from baby names to how our lives were set to change. We started looking into moving home. We spoke about the possibility of miscarriage and how we might feel if it happened. We decided that because anything can happen during the first 12 weeks we would not tell anyone until the first scan. We were excited, but I was nervous in case anything went wrong.
I wish we hadn't spoken about the negatives. I wish I had completely cut out caffeine instead of letting myself have the odd cup of tea or coffee every other day. I wish I didn't lift that stuff at work or those shopping bags. I wish I hadn't had any alcohol at all while trying to conceive. I wish I hadn't taken that ibuprofen for what was probably morning sickness, although I didn't realise I was pregnant at the time. I wish I hadn't worried about having to tell people I wasn't drinking or hiding things from people at work. If I could change things back, I wouldn't care if the whole world knew or if my boss hated me. I wish I had called the midwife as soon as I got that little bit of brown spotting instead of looking up forums and deciding it was probably quite normal. I wish I knew what caused it, and I wish I knew what I could have done to stop it.
I feel so incredibly sad. I've been busy at work for the last two days while I've been miscarrying and it has taken my mind of things, but as soon as I'm not there it's all I can think about. I didn't believe I would feel like this.
I'm sorry for the long message, but I needed an outlet. I'm not looking for answers and I'm not looking for sympathy, but I suppose it would help to know I'm not the only one who feels like this.
If you've got to this stage in my post, thanks for reading. xx
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Miscarriage at 6 weeks
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Twittwooo · 16/06/2011 18:04
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