I am posting here because I had a miscarriage over a year ago. I now have a beautiful, healthy baby and despite being traumatised at the time and convinced that I would never have a baby, I fell pregnant three months later-so a happy ending.
I am however shocked at how little information and support there is for women who have had a miscarriage. I was meant to be 12 weeks pregnant but the baby had died at 10 weeks. I had my scan. The atmosphere in the room told me everything I feared even though not a word had been spoken. I was sent home to let things happen naturally.
'It's really common.' Not for me it isn't.
'You may experience some period type pain.' That was an understatement.
What followed was horrific.
I was in absolute agony when it began. Bleeding. Clots. Passing out. Cold sweats. Broken hearted. Shattered dreams-and more physical agony (worse than labour pains actually)until the dreaded sound of the splash as the sac hit the toilet bowl. I couldn't look.
I am really feeling for you all at the minute. I remember being pissed of with every pregnant woman I saw, and they seemed to be EVERYWHERE. One woman sat opposite me on the train wearing a 'baby on board' badge. I could have smacked her.
I took a week off work and spent a good deal of time getting drunk and crying. Then I had to get on with things. It got a bit easier over time but eventually got tired of peeing on sticks. Firstly to check that I wasn't still pregnant. Then the dreading ovulation kits and poor other half being shagged within an inch of his like near ovulation date.
Sorry for the long post but again, just because miscarriage is common, shouldn't mean that women are sent packing with little more information than 'you'll probably get pregnant again.' I wish I could do something about this.
PS: It did only take me 3 months to get pregnant again so don't give up hope those of you who are feeling hopeless and helpless.
Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.
Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
More support is needed for those who have suffered a miscarriage
Trestired · 16/06/2011 11:58
Yes, trestired, your story sounds similar to mine. I had an MMC just a few days before my 12 week scan was due and it was horrendous. I had all the same lines about 'it's very common' and that natural miscarriage would involve 'between 2 and 4 hours of intense pain' (a phrase that is burned in my mind as it was so misleading 
) and otherwise normal period pains. There's very little information available to women having an MC of any kind and very little understanding about the medical background to it and implications. Most people assume a miscarriage is just a heavy period.
I was left really devastated after my MMC as well and thought I'd never have a healthy pregnancy but here I am 10 months on and 6 months pregnant (fingers crossed I have a happy outcome like yours...). There is a lot of support out there but most of it focuses on the emotional impact - very little deals with the anxiety about pregnancy and birth that MC can cause or the trauma of going through the physical process and the fear it induces. I was certainly terrified during my MMC about haemorrhaging or developing an infection because the pain and bleeding was so bad.
At the moment, I am off sick from work due to workplace stress (sham redundancy process following from my announcement that I was pregnant - have engaged a solicitor now who is acting for me) and have mentioned my MC as a background to my health problems and a reason why stress and anxiety in pregnancy is a particular concern for me. Not one person has acknowledged this when handling my complaint. Everyone has assumed that I am just chancing my arm and skirted around the miscarriage issue completely. It's a taboo and something people either know nothing about or have little sympathy for. On that basis, freelancegirl, I think your idea about a documentary is really good. You could put together case studies / interviewees via mumsnet, maybe? Might also be a good chance to highlight the mumsnet petition on standards of care.
Totally agree. (Waves to Freelance)
I'm on my second miscarriage after a successful 1st pg and am left astounded at the pathetic advice offered from both doctors and midwives, 'no-body knows why it happens', 'you're older now', 'its just bad luck' and the shrug and the wet smile as if you've just got to lump it and try again. You're left with no idea what to expect and you're right- what you have to deal with on your own in the bathroom is macabre. I'm so glad I had Freelance and Diamonds on the other end of Mumsnet otherwise I wouldnt have had a clue 
.
Now I'm going through the whole thing again and its no better. This time I had a bloody great go at the midwife for the shoddy set-up at the hospital tho'. (Where I had to wait for my scan with a load of pregnant women talking about when it was due. One of whoms partner (I assume) had his shell-suit tucked into his socks and was munching a fizzy orange chew for breakfast but thats just me being snobby!). If I was trying for my first baby I would have been devastated.
Great idea about the documentary and I think you'll find a lot of campaigners here!
Ohhhh womenwholivedinashoe my heart is breaking for you right now with the feelings being just so raw and real and words just cant express the lonely dark place your mind goes too!
but please hold on to your husband please! dont shut him out scream at him if you need to too and deal with your inner feelings!
You have both lost a child and your feeling of all this are different as we the women its our bodies that seem to be against us, but our DH are suffering by watching us crying and having to deal with the pain! oh i wish i could give you a big hug and say it will be better tomorrow but the true is for a long time the pain willbe fresh and real and seeing others so blissfully happy big and pregnant is so painful its like tortue but take 1 day at a time!
is it possible for you to have some time away from it all?
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