Just been for scan and told no heartbeat - they can't give me an appt for 2 weeks

[Browncoats]

I was supposed to be 11 weeks today and went for a scan this morning to be told there was no heartbeat and the baby had obviously died a couple of days ago as I was only measuring 10.5 weeks.

This is the second baby I've lost. I lost another one when I was 24 weeks back in November last year. That pregnancy was a nightmare from start to finish and I was up at the hospital about twice a week every week.

When I received the results of the autopsy of the last baby they told me that the placenta haddn't formed properly and advised me to take asprin tablets if I ever got pregnant again.

It took me a while to get my head round TTC again and we were really lucky that it happened so quickly for us. This pregnancy seemed fine, no bleeding, although 2 weeks ago they did say there was slight internal bleeding but nothing to be worried about and they were just going to keep a really close eye on me.

Ideally I'd like to go for an ERPC but the first available appointment is in 2 weeks, on the 20th June. I'm disgusted I have to wait that long with my baby still inside me. I don't think I'm strong enough to handle having the mc naturally as I don't want to see the baby. Does that make me a bad person?

The Dr said that medically managed mcs aren't 100% guaranteed to work.

what I'm asking is, has anyone been through similar, where the waiting time is so long between confirmation and appointment time? How have you coped?

I'm so upset right now, and I also feel so numb.

[ExitPursuedByAKitten]

So sorry Browncoats. I'm afraid I can't offer you any advice, just a virtual hand hold. I am sure some lovely MNetters will be along soon with lots of advice. Take care of yourself.

[kat2504]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree it is disgraceful that you are being asked to wait for two weeks. Both times I have mc, I have been upset enough at having to wait 5 or 6 days for treatment. Medically managed mc is apparently more effective before 9 weeks. Also you would probably still end up seeing the baby.
Not wanting to mc naturally does not make you a bad person at all. You are just trying to cope with it in the way that is best for you.
I don't really know what to advise you to do, could they not send you to a different hospital for treatment sooner?
In the meantime, if you have to wait, don't try to carry on as normal in the meantime. take the time to yourself to rest and to grieve. The waiting is very very hard in a way that people who haven't had to go through it can't understand.

[lumili]

Hi Browncoats, so sorry to hear your sad news. I am in a same sex relationship and my DP has recently lost the baby... we went for a scan at 8 weeks to be told that there was a twin pregnancy but neither had a heartbeat. As we were in a private ivf clinic they referred us to our local early pregnancy unit. We did have to call them ourselves about 4 times before they called us back, but then they asked us to go in about a week later. So all in all it was about 2 weeks until we got to go to the unit.

For us this wasn't really an issue as we wanted it to happen naturally, in the hope that this would cause the least problems with getting pregnant in the future. It has been 4 weeks since we found out that we lost the baby and when we went to the unit 2 weeks ago, we just discussed our options. We actually came out of the unit feeeling very scared and upset. Not only have we lost the baby that we so desperately wanted, but now we have to decide how we get rid of the baby!!! What an awful position for anybody to be in.

We have an appointment with the unit this Friday, for my DP to take the first lot of drugs and then to return on Sunday for the second lot and to stay there all day until my DP passes it all. However, today my DP has started bleeding and we are hoping that it will still happen naturally.....

Sorry I appear to be rambling on about myself.

Do you not have another unit nearby to where you live that you could try? Are you wanting to have a d&c to get it over with?

Do you have any other friends or family that are aware of what has happened and who can be there to help you get through this?

Take care of yourself and maybe we will speak again soon.

xxx

[Browncoats]

Thank you all so much for replying.

kat2504 I'm so sorry to hear of your losses. Thank you for telling me about the medically managed mc being more effective before 9 weeks - they didn't mention that today. Unfortunately there are only 2 hospitals in Glasgow that can handle this and the other one was a 3 week waiting list!

lumili I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your twins too. I hope the mc happens as 'easily' as possible for your DP and you.

Yes I wanted to have a D & C so that I didn't have an unexpected mc during the day. It comes down to not wanting to see the baby afterwards and not really being sure what to do with the baby once it has passed. I'm not even sure how big it will be or how developed?

[lumili]

Browncoats, I know what you mean, that was what we were very worried about too, we lost them at around 7 weeks so have been told that DP will just pass clots and we should not see anything that would resemble a baby. I would guess at your stage, things may be different, I am very surprised that nobody has talked to you about this. We asked so many questions when we wnet to the early pregnancy unit, the first time, we were actually booked in for a d&c that afternoon, but after speaking decided that we would try the natural option, although it has been a long time waiting for it to happen.

I hope that you get to have your d&c and do not have to cope with having an unexpected mc.

My thoughts are with you at this sad time.

x

[LieInsAreRarerThanTigers]

Hi Browncoats sorry to hear of your loss. I went through similar 8 years ago at 12 weeks - was only down to wait a few days but went into natural mc in the meantime. With me the bleeding was very heavy and I ended up having a d & c under the gynae in A & E, then being kept in and put on a drip overnight.

I may be wrong but I don't think you would see the baby at that stage unless you really wanted to. I did not want to and did not ask about it, but there are those who might. Perhaps someone with medical knowledge could confirm this?

It's just a horrible time whichever way it happens - I was hoping it would happen naturally before the appointment but it got too scary.

[lemonsherbet]

Hi Browncoats firstly can I say how sorry I am. I had a missed miscarriage at 8 weeks in October. I have just lost a baby at 20 weeks in May.

I had a miscarriage in Oct where I had an earlier scan and it showed no heartbeat. I was originally told 2 weeks to wait for ERPC. I went to my GP who helped I said I would attend at short notice or if anyone cancelled. It did not much of a difference but I did have my ERPC one week later. The other option is to ask your GP to call near by hospitals and see if they have a shorter list. A hospital about 20mins from where I was tends to do all there ERPC the next day. Whereas where I had the ERPC done they only did them once a week.


The time I had to wait between the scan and ERPC was very hard. I was signed off work because I did not want to start miscarrying there. I just tried to keep busy. But it was really hard. My advice would be to ask your GP to see if any of the neighbouring hospitals can help.

Thinking of you

[1bluemummy]

Hello Browncoats
I'm so sorry to hear about both your losses.
I too was supposed to be 11 weeks today. I had a private scan 5 weeks ago which showed me to be 7+ days smaller than my dates. I was told to come back 2 weeks later after which I saw a heartbeat and there was 2 weeks worth of growth. Sonographer and DH all v positive and said there was no reason for this not to progress normally.

Yesterday I had the faintest tinge of brownish blood when I went to the loo. I just knew it was the beginning of an MC. Yesterday also happened to be my first appointment at my local hospital (booking appointment etc) which was kind of good timing. At least I could get checked out and either have my worst fears confirmed or my best dreams come true. Or so I thought.....

The midwife's attitude was disgraceful. I told her about the bleeding (which while I was at my appointment had got a little heavier) . She dismissed it as probably nothing. She said brown blood didn't signify MC. I told her I'd been through the exact same thing before and it started with brown blood then. Again, this was dismissed. Despite the sonography department being 10metres from the midwife's office and me starting to bleed a bit more, they still wouldn't scan me. Eventually after kicking up a bit of a fuss they gave me a scan date 48 hours later, Friday 3.30( tomorrow). Anyone who has been through this knows how agonizing that kind of wait is. By complete chance a dear friend at work, one of the few to know, has a great contact at another local hospital and they did me a favour and scanned me unofficially last night. Worst fears confirmed. No heartbeat now and growth apparently stopped at 8 weeks. I feel devastated.

I don't know what to do now. I have tried all day to phone both the anti natal dept and the early pregnancy unit at my local hospital. I'm not kidding when I say that neither have picked up the phone all day! I have absolutely no faith that there will be an appointment in the near future for an ERPC . I had a natural miscarriage at 9 weeks last time and it was pretty unpleasant but bearable. I just don't know whether to push for ERPC or sit and wait. I guess I am lucky in some ways that I have this scan appointment tomorrow where I'llget some idea of what is going on in my uterus.

I don't think you're a bad person at all for not wanting to see your poor baby. I refused to look at mine last time. I felt it leave me, but I just didn't want to look. I think it's a very personal thing. Some people find comfort and closure in looking, some find it haunting.

FWIW, like KAT, I have heard that medically managed process is for earlier gestation, less than 9 weeks.


I'm really really sorry about what you're going through. I feel and share your numbness.

Lumili and others sorry about your loss too. Good luck in the future.

X

[1bluemummy]

Sorry Lemonsherberts. You too. How devastating for you. It's bad enough getting to the end of trimester 1 and having loss like this. I cannot imagine what 20 weeks loss feels like.
My thoughts a with you.
X

[EldonAve]

Sorry for your loss
For my 2nd mc I was worried about it all starting naturally before the appt so we went private

Have they said what you should do if you start to bleed more?

[Browncoats]

It's absolutely heartbreaking to hear all your stories too. I knew 'intellectually' that mc's happen a lot but when it's brought home with a thump like this it's horrible.

I'm finding this miscarriage much harder to deal with than my loss at 24 weeks for some reason. I didn't expect that at all. I think part of the reason is that when you tell people you've had a miscarriage in your first trimester it's almost like they shrug and say 'oh well'. Not that I'm expecting to be the centre of attention or anything, but I'm really feeling quite raw right now and I'm not feeling like I'm getting the same support as I did the last time.

I'd absolutely love to go private EldonAve but I looked into how much it would cost yesterday and it's almost £1500 and we don't have that cash spare at the moment. The hospital said only to go to A&E if my bleeding got really heavy and I lost a lot of blood.

1bluemummy that is absolutely disgusting treatment from that MW! I'm really angry for you. I'm so sorry you're going through this too. Hopefully when they scan you tomorrow they'll be able to give you a quick appointment? Hopefully you'll get a different MW to the idiot you had last time.

lemonsherbet thank you. For some stupid reason I didn't think of going to my GP. I'll make an appt for tomorrow and hopefully she can help. The problem is that there are only 2 hospitals in Glasgow that perform ERPCs now due to cuts so the waiting lists are long.

Thank you all for your replies, it really does help

[EldonAve]

I was 'lucky' in that DH had a job with private healthcare at the time and that covered it

Take care x

[1bluemummy]

Hi Browncoats

Have you had any signs of miscarriage at all yet? Any cramps, backache, coloured discharge? I guess one of the problems is as time goes on and you don't get offered an earlier appointment, there is a good chance the process will begin naturally.

I'm wavering re natural v ERPC (and I don't know yet if I'll be offered ERPC and if I do, how long we have to wait for appointments in Manchester. I wonder if it's any better than Glasgow??!!)

I suspect that even before tomorrow pm's appointment, I may be progressing naturally, though from past experience it will take a few days more yet.

If it does happen to you, it might not be as bad as you fear. Last time for me, fetus was about 9.5, so a bit smaller than you, but it wasn't unbearably horrific. In a way, as unpleasant as it was, psychologically I gained some comfort from expelling things naturally and I felt it was my body preparing itself for the next pregnancy. As I say, I didn't look when the main bit happened, but as soon as it did, things subsided a lot and became a light period for a couple more days.

Don't get me wrong,I'm not looking forward to it, but I suspect I will end up going down natural route. One of the key things I'm gathering is that whichever option is taken, it's really important to have a follow up scan to check everything is gone so as to prevent infection and to start TTC again, if that is what you/we want.

I hope emotionally you are ok. I guess because you had the 24wk loss, it's so rare and so unbearable for people to think about, that in their minds this seems "relatively early" by comparison. Problem is, any loss is devastating and you were still very close to the end of first trimester. It's not unreasonable to have begun to get excited and to anticipate the future. This second MC will also have reawakened all those memories of last time so it's like a double whammy. Do you have any children, or have you had 2 back to back MCs?

Best of luck and I hope you get some help from the GP. Will be thinking of you
X

[wellieboots]

Browncoats so sorry you're having to go through this - which hospital are you at?

[wellieboots]

Sorry no idea why that posted before I was finished!

It was 6 months ago now, but I found Glasgow really quick - mmc diagnosed at 12 week scan at Princess Royal, took a couple of days to think about options, and although the EPU mw we saw straight after the scan had said we would have to wait til Monday if I wanted ERPC (it was Wed), once I decided on ERPC and rang EPU on Friday, they rang around and managed to get me in to Stobhill on the Monday, which i was really grateful for - are you sure they've done all they can to get you in? Maybe tell them that you'll take cancellations or anything like that? Maybe I was just lucky.

So sorry as I know that I found the waiting the worst part :(

[Browncoats]

I think things are starting on their own now. I've been having lower back pain yesterday and today and that's normally how my labours start.

I have 1 DS 2.9, but this is my 4th pregnancy so I sort of know what to look out for. I lost a baby before DS (about 6 years before him), had him in Sept 08, and then lost one in Nov last year and one now.

I'm really scared. I know that sounds wimpy. I've been through this before but previously it's just been either a loss too early (so it's just felt like a period) or a late loss that's had to be a labour. My friend says I'm almost expecting it to be like the late loss I had in Nov so no wonder I'm dreading it. Her sister has MC at a similar time to me and said it was just a very very heavy period that lasted 1 day for the worse bit and then bled for a few days afterwards. I'm hoping this is similar.

I feel very strange still having the baby inside me and knowing it's dead. I'm not really dealing with this well at all this time. I knew when I lost the baby at 24 weeks I'd get through it, but the way I'm feeling right now I'm not so sure. I'm struggling.

My parents have DS tonight, which I'm so grateful for. They've been fantastic. I feel for DS. I go through periods of playing with him really enthusiastically for an hour, then I kind of zone-out and he's forced to play on his own.

I've had a couple of drinks tonight which probably hasn't helped with my mood. I'm so sorry. I'm usually quite an upbeat person! Honestly!

[Mama5isalive]

Hi Browncoats- im so sorry to hear what your going through its just so awful and unkind but it happens-
I went along to my 12 week scan yesterday to be told in 5 seconds of the scan starting sorry your baby has died!!!!! there is no heartbeat!!!!!!!!!
the whole room stared to spin and i swallowed hard like i had a rock there! what ???????? how???????? why???????? no its a mistake!!!!!!!! i had no pains, no bleeding no cramps nothing and i had sore boobs and morning sickness but your telling me my baby has gone. as i got up and wiped my belly off i looked at my baby sleeping in the buggy and just wanted to hug him!!!! do you want to talk to someone as the nurse walked us passed all the other pregnant women and there family's i struggled but refused to let them see it was bad news!yesterday was a nightmare and i would'nt wish those feelings on anyone ever!!!!!!!!! i went back today to have pre op tests and having the op to remove baby tomorrow morning i dont see why dragging it out will help me at all! the sooner this is over the sooner i can heal inside out with the full support of my hubby and family - its so hard to express your feeling especially if you have children it like "be grateful you have" it doesnt make the pain less at 2 weeks, 5 weeks or even later when you feel your in the safe zone of 22 plus weeks and know the sex of the baby! My pain is real and i know yours is also -
Prayers and best wishes to you and yours- maybe we will be on a thread again real soon. m2b5 xxxx

[Browncoats]

oh god Mama5isalive. Obviously I know you from our pregnancy thread together and I can't believe you've lost your baby too. I'm so so sorry. I know how upsetting the walk back through the waiting area is after you've been given such awful news, to have to walk back through a room full of excited mothers. To my shame, I hated them a little bit for their excitement and happiness.

I hope you've had your ERPC and can begin getting over this as soon as possible. Sending you hugs xxx

[Mama5isalive]

Hi Browncoat - how are you doing, as you have had longer to deal with the hurt and pain of this? im actually not feeling that bad had op yesterday and i can close the chapter and look ahead, emotionally im dealing with it with positive thoughts and prayers, although i dont know how im going to handle 2 of my close friends and my cousin very pregnant and very excited!!!!But i think we are stronger then we think and the thought of me trying again brings me hope! DH is worried about me but ive told him not too and am focusing on the other DC right now! have done a list of things i want to do by the end of the year. a well deserved break me and dh i think!
Browncoat - hope to see u again on another thread looking forwards to the future xxxx

[Browncoats]

Hey there Mama5. I'm starting to have good moments now, although a lot of the time I do think 'better be careful, I'm pregnant' then remember that I'm not any more and get all upset again. I'm finding the adjustment period difficult I think. The 2 weeks I had to wait for my op were some of the worst I've ever had to deal with, I couldn't move on emotionally.

Now that that's past, I'm definitely finding things a bit easier and you're right, I just concentrate on my DS - thank god for him - he makes me get up in the morning and makes me laugh every day.

It's really difficult when other people are pregnant around you, I feel like I can't spoil their joy by being depressed so I have to hide it. A couple of my friends have just had babies and 1 is pregnant too, just a few months ahead of what I should be.

You're right again, we're definitely stronger than we think we are. We will get through this and I'm looking forward to seeing you on the boards too, take care Mama5 - much love xxx

[Mama5isalive]

wow its a week today for me - so feeling emotional it was at 12.15 we was told!
oh gosh can i just fast forwards today please!

[MarathonMama]

Hi Mama5,

Just wanted to say exactly the same thing happened to me 6 weeks ago at my 12 week scan. I can remember feeling the same a week later. Just wanted to say that it does get better and easier, you have more good days than bad but it does sometimes hit you when you least expect.

I've found that since my AF arrived and we've been able to start ttc again I've felt much better, more in control, hopeful and happier.

I've also joined a thread here for people who are ttc post miscarriage and they've been fab.

Hope you all feel better soon.

[Browncoats]

Hi Mama5, sorry I missed your post, I haven't been on "properly" for a couple of days.

I know exactly what you mean (again), it was Wed the 8th June I went for my scan to be told the baby had died and the last few weeks have been bad, especially on the Wednesdays .

I was prepared for this week to be easier as I'd assumed the bleeding would have stopped after my ERPC (had it on Mon 20th, so 10 days ago). The bleeding stopped yesterday, I had no bleeding at all yesterday and for most of today. However, about 4 hours ago it's started back up, bollocks. I'm also in a bit of pain, the kind of pain you get in the background of a period, slight cramping but no shooting pains. I'm now really worried those absolute idiots at the Victoria (in Glasgow) have missed something during my ERPC or I've got an infection. So I'm now going to have to go to my GP or back into one of the rubbish hospitals left in Glasgow.

I just want to scream!!!! All I want is to move on from this nightmare, but things keep getting in the way

End of rant, sorry to offload.

[farfallarocks]

I am so sorry about your terrible experiences, the hospitals are not making a tough experience any better are they?

I must say I did not realise quite how lucky I was, had an early miscarriage this week and was told they always scan to check for ectopic, you can just turn up, no GP referral necessary and everyone was so, so kind.

Like most things on the NHS seems to be a complete lottery.

[Mama5isalive]

Thanks for the kind words MM -im glad your holding onto hope and looking to the future xx ( what thread r u on now)
Ohhhhhh Gosh -Browncoat im so sorry that you are still dealing with the aftermath, yes i think you should go and get a check up it better to check and have peace of mind!
Ohh im so sorry for your loss - FFR - hope your looking after yourself!