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we left someone behind

(14 Posts)
cath100 Sat 04-Jun-11 18:47:55

i am really struggling. i have just come out of hospital after an ectopic pregnancy. obviously i am in alot of pain, but also trying to deal with lossing a baby.
my husband really wanted this baby and now i have had one tube removed, i feel like a pointless wife. if i cant even give him a baby, what use am i?

scarlettsmummy2 Sat 04-Jun-11 18:53:08

You poor thing. This doesn't mean you will never have a baby. You are just in shock after what has happened and I am sure it is devastating, but don't blame yourself. Lots of women who have ectopic pregnancies go on to conceive. I am sure it won't be long before there are lots of posts on here from women who have done just that. x

mrsb33 Sat 04-Jun-11 19:35:22

Really sorry you're going through this is really tough, I've been there with a missed miscarriage back in sept last year, my first pregnancy... It does get easier, at the moment your hormones are probably all over the place? Mine were for at least 4 weeks....
I've done loads of research and I read somewhere that ladies with one tube find it easier to conceive than ladies with 2, not sure how true that is???
Fingers crossed this is the case for you, chin up and take care, lots of sloppy wet kisses. X

cath100 Sun 05-Jun-11 16:08:53

thanks. i just cant stop crying. i will keep the positive thoughts about the one tube making things easier at the front of my mind x

Paschaelina Sun 05-Jun-11 16:11:35

My friend had years of problems with painful, heavy periods etc. She had an ectopic which burst on the operating table when they removed the tube. She successfully conceived the following year having not suffered at all since. The tube was obviously the source of all her problems.

She has 2 lovely children now.

GwendolineMaryLacey Sun 05-Jun-11 16:15:07

I'm really sorry to hear that sad

I can totally identify with the feeling that you've left someone behind. That's exactly how I felt as I left the hospital after a mmc in January. It's shit but it does get easier as time passes (platitude alert). Take care of yourself xx

pudding25 Sun 05-Jun-11 22:21:06

If it helps, my friend had an ectopic then not longer after, got pregnant with her first with no probs and then had another 2 with no probs. Hope you are ok. The hormones definitely make things feel so much worse. Thinking of you.

Gooseberrybushes Sun 05-Jun-11 22:30:13

I'm so sorry, you must be devastated. I hope you're comforted and given hope by the stories on this thread. I'd like to say something that may be too soon, and I'm sorry if it is, but it gave me comfort through my miscarriages. The children you will have, and you will have them, will be like gifts from the child you didn't. I lost three and I have three, and I wouldn't have these three if things had been different. It means he or she is always in a very little but important way, with you. I know it's not the same right now, you wanted this baby, not any others. I'm so sorry if this is tactless or unthinking, it was just a thought that helped me through a little. I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope you make a swift recovery, and soon have your family.

Gooseberrybushes Sun 05-Jun-11 22:34:57

And no, you're not useless. You're in terrible pain. I'm so sorry.

shakeyjake Mon 06-Jun-11 09:10:29

am i so sorry for your loss. i had an etopic pregnancy 10 years ago and my right tube was taken out. i have since had 2 beautiful children so do not think you are useless. it is horrible and i still think of that baby. it does take a while to recover and at the time i thought that was it and i was not going to have any more children (i already had 1dd)

i recently had a late miscarriage and that empty feeling of leaving my baby behind is the worse pain ever.

shelbelle100 Mon 06-Jun-11 12:24:18


I went though the same thing at the start of March. It was awful - partly i think because it all happens so quickly. It is a hige shock I lost my left tube.

I spent some time on the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust website. There is a lot of information there and also a forum where there are a lot of people who have had ectopics and also knowledgable moderators who you can ask questions. I think (from memory) that they say 65% of people who suffer an ectopic are healthily pregnant within 18 months and 85% within 2 years. So the odds are good that you will go on to have a healthy pregnancy

Give yourself some time to rest and heal.

cath100 Tue 07-Jun-11 17:24:45

thank you all so much, just reading back through this and i have to say, it really has helped me. i still feel like crap, but i feel ten times better than i did before i read all this.
thanks x

Troubletutmill Tue 07-Jun-11 18:55:42

My friend lost a tube when she was still a child when she had an operation, she went on to have a lovely DD who is now almost 14. Please do not think your useless. Experiencing a loss is just about the worst thing that can happen to a woman, I understand that sadness. I'm really sorry for what has happened to you.

whatsoever Fri 10-Jun-11 10:57:27

Sorry to hear what has happened to you.

My cousin's wife had an ectopic and they went on to have two beautiful children in the four years after that. They needed fertility drugs but they had a great outcome.

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