Missed Miscarriage(33 Posts)
Really just posting for support.
Had my 12 week scan yesterday and baby measured at 6 weeks with no heartbeat. Absolutely devastated. The consultant thinks that there's a small chance my dates are wrong - I've done the sums and it is possible. But I think in my heart I know this really isn't likely.
Now just frightened of waiting to miscarry and what that will bring. Or whether to get the ERPC. The waiting is the worst.
I am so sorry I have been there twice and I know how awful that moment at the scan is.
It would be unusual to be six weeks out with your dates. When did you get the bfp and how long was that from the last period? There is at least a glimmer of hope and I presume you have a repeat scan in a week to check for growth? If not you must ask for one, it's cruel if they leave you just to wait. Especially if you are pretty sure that the pregnancy is failed.
My advice is to get a repeat scan after a week, then you will be sure and you can take it from there. I've not opted to wait it out either time as I find the idea of that too hard, but plenty of people do choose conservative management. The ERPC is a simple operation, I've had one last year, and although it is horrible having to do it, I prefered the m/c to be over as quickly as possible. Your EPU will be able to advise you better. The advantage of natural is avoiding hospital (although it is a day surgery procedure), the disadvantage is that you don't know when it will start and the waiting is difficult.
The advantage of the EPRC is that you know when it will happen, you don't have to see the worst of it as you are under anaesthetic so much less painful, the disadvantage is that if you don't have experience of operations and hospitals, it is a bit scary and you are not in your own home.
The "right choice" is different for all women. I really hope that it is possible that your dates are wrong and you will not have to make the choice. In the meantime, take care of yourself, those days of waiting and not knowing are very hard and you will need plenty of support.
Fruitloop - so sorry.
I had the exact same thing - baby was measuring 7 weeks and no hearbeat, picked up on the 12 week scan, which I actually had at 13 weeks. It was devastating. I knew my dated weren't wrong.
I decided to go with the ERPC, my reasoning being that my body had held on to the pregnancy for 5 weeks already, and I wanted it over with to be able to move on and not be waiting for something that I had no control over. The ERPC was painless, I went in at 7 in the morning and was sent home at 10. No pain afterwards either so for me, it was definitely the right thing to do. I took the next week off work - could have physically gone back but needed time to get my head around things.
To give you a positive outcome, next cycle I conceived and am now 23 weeks with id twins.
Hope you have lots of support in RL and look after yourself xx
Thanks so much for your support. It really helps to hear from people who have been through the same things. It's all just so so sad and I really feel for you - it's just awful to go through this.
I had a negative test on the 7 April, and a positive one of the 15 April. Was dated at 12 weeks as my last period was 9 March. So I can see where the consultant is coming from - something odd went one - but it's such a small chance. i am booked for another scan next Friday.
I think I will most likely go the EPRC route - I just can't do the waiting. This next week will be so hard.
PS Fantastic news about the twins! It is wonderful to hear positive outcomes :-D
Fruitloop so sorry for you loss. I was in the same position last Tuesday. I started bleeding on Monday and had a scan on Tuesday which showed no growth since six weeks. I was supposed to be 12 weeks 4 days. I'm terrified of hospitals- my bp goes through the roof when I enter one so I opted for medical management. I hated the thought of general anaesthetic and felt that I would handle the situation better if I was more in control and aware of wHat was happening. In the end, the night I made the appointment to have the first pill, I started to miscarry. I'm glad the decision was taken from me and I'm glad that I did it the way I did. It was more final for me- no wondering how it happened etc.. As everyone else says, it's a personal choice, but I just wanted you hear another view. Take carexx
The waiting's vile - it's one of nature's cruellest practical jokes MMCs. I can still remember how my blood ran utterly chilled when I heard that line "you are sure of your dates aren't you?" If you have half a clue you know where that line leads and instead of going home with your little photo like you expected - you get a crappy leaflet instead.
Sorry you're going through it.
Really feeling for you fruitloop. Was in exactly the same position a while ago and I think you're just in shock for a while. Go with your feelings and make sure you get the love you need.
I opted for ERPC, which was absolutely fine (make sure you're booked in for a scan to check it's worked). Took a while to get over it emotionally, but I felt it was much better than hanging around waiting for something else to be upset about. I am now 7weeks pregnant again.
It's hard to keep positive, but try- you'll eventually stop pretending to feel ok and actually be ok, I promise! xx
Very sorry for you (and for others), it's so unfair and such a shock. I've been there too, and just adding my support.
I went the natural route and it was OK or as OK as you would ever expect it to be. Whatever you choose you'll get advice and support on here. Meanwhile I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.
fruitloop so sorry for your loss. I also had a missed miscarriage picked up at 12 week scan - no heartbeat and no growth since 8/9 weeks.
I opted for an ERPC the following day, which was a week last Tuesday. This was definitely the right decision for me as I knew my dates, thought it unlikely I would miscarry naturally after the baby had died so long before and I am frankly a wuss and the thought of pain and heavy bleeding scared me.
However when there is uncertainty about dates, conservative management may give you some time to see if the dates are wrong and give you time to come to terms with your loss if your dates are not wrong.
So sorry for what you are going through, we are all here for you - I have found these forums invaluable those last couple of weeks.
Fruitloop that's awful. I also had a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks - baby measuring 9 weeks. I had a little bleeding first and it was confirmed at the hospital. I decided to let it happen naturally as I don't like medical intervention of any sort and miscarried that night. However some of the embryo sac remained and it took about 2 weeks and 2 scans in total - I bled slightly (kind of like the end of a period) for those 2 weeks. I took 2 weeks off work and cried on and off for most of it. I found it was very important to grieve as I had't for a previous miscarriage (which only close family members knew about) and had a horrible time of it at work and home and ended up taking time off work for stress.
It's a bloody awful thing to happen and I felt robbed of a baby but grieving openly and acknowledging my loss helped me come to terms with it. I thought I would never become pregnant again (trying for 2.5 years) but fortunately I became pregnant 3 months after the second miscarriage and, though worried throughout the whole of the pregnancy, now have a healthy DS2.
Thanks so much everyone. It really does help so much to hear the stories and have so much support. It's hard to stop crying at the mo, but we'll all get through it - and these forums are so helpful.
fruitloop don't even try and stop the crying. I tired myself out trying to hold the tears in for a few days. My parents came to stay for four nights and although it was a huge support I felt like I was holding the tears back the whole time. On the day they left I have two massive sobbing sessions (one on my own, one with DH) and it was like a weight lifted off my heart (can't think of a better way to decsribe it).
Very similar experience for me, featus measured 9 weeks at the 12 week scan. I had started to get old blood a couple of days before so I was sobbing before i even when in the scan room as knew in my heart that it was over.
That happened in February and unfortunately I have to have it done again on Tuesday as I have had pelvic pain recently and a scan 2 weeks ago identified pregnancy products still there.
Partypopper - you are so right about having the scan to check. I really wish I had thought of that as wouldn't have wasted the last 3 months. So Fruitloop - defo follow that advice if you have the ERPC.
Hi fruitloop we went for our 12 week scan last Thursday and were asked the same dreaded question 'are you sure of your dates' as they could only see a sac measuring 5-6 weeks and nothing in it. They booked us in for a scan this coming Tuesday and we opted to wait and see if anything would happen naturally in the mean time. Nothing, no cramps, no bleeding, nothing! The waiting is hideous (work told me to stay home which has been good but still hard work) but I wouldn't have changed our decision as I've needed this week to process and sort myself out. If there's absolutely no sign of life at the scan on Tuesday we will opt for erpc as I can't wait around any longer. I have gone over my dates several times but even if I got my bfp ridiculously early (ie we concived later than we thought) then the earliest I could've been last week is 10 weeks so still 4-5 weeks out by what they could see so am not holding out much hope. Have you got another scan booked for them to check in a week or so?
So sorry fruitloop, have had 3MMCs around the 12 week mark, so know how you are feeling.
I have had 2 ERPCs and the op and recovery is really quick.
Hope your recovery is speedy
Just reading these messages before I collapse into bed. Thanks so much. yep - we have a scan booked in for next Friday. Which seems like so far away and an agonising wait. If we do end up going the ERPC will definitely ask for a follow up scan. Good advice.
It's just all so sad isn't it.
Im so sorry to hear your story. I have just been through the same thing too.I went for an 11 week dating scan 2 weeks ago today. No heartbeat and 8 week size, and I was sure of my dates. I felt and looked pregnant- my physio has said I looked "blooming" and I had had no symptoms of miscarriage at all. I think thats the worst thing about MMC, you are totally unprepared for the news.
It took me a few days just to take it in- my family hassled me to "make a decision" but in fact there was no rush as "expectant management" is an acceptable option - although my consultant quoted me only around 20% successful natural miscarriage after an MMC, and it can take up to 6 weeks... I went for the ERPOC option (although consultant encouraged me to go medical) and so glad I did, I had previously had a v unpleasant experience of induction of labour and couldnt face anything similar again, but totally depends how you feel about surgery/ GA. If you do go for surgery, try and get yourself booked onto a planned theatre list rather than going in as an "emergency"- I have known friends wait until late in the evening (starved) for their procedure, whereas I was put on the end of a planned morning c-section list-somewhat ironic I know, but I was back on the ward having tea and toast by midday and home by 4.30. I have 2 other young children so this option, which is more predictable, was definitely easier for us as a family too.
I had very little pain afterwards and bleeding only like a light period for a few days, I had one quite severe pain in the evening following the op, like a moderate contraction. My painkillers had warn off and I hadnt taken any more as was feeling so well. Then I got this pain and regretted not having topped up, but it was a one off and I only had a few very mild period type pains after that. Im only telling you this as I would keep your painkillers topped up for 1st 24hrs just in case.
Its a week today since my ERPOC, Ive stopped bleeding and feel pretty ok physically. Emotionally Im still quite wobbly though and tend to cry easily and feel a bit panicky at times-not like me at all. Im not back at work yet and will be off for another week probably- in my job there is nowhere to hide and I look after alot of vulnerable people under a good deal of pressure. My GP has been very supportive and felt I should take all the time I need.
I hope you dont mind such a long reply on your post, I just wanted to share my experiences with you in case it helps in any way. I read loads of threads on this website in the week between my scan and the ERPOC, and it was a great source of info and support.
just reading through your posts as i am facing a similar situation. After IVF treatment am 8+2 weeks pregnant but a scan on Thursday showed baby with a very slow heartbeat and not the correct size for dates. No mix up with dates as with IVF we are 100% of date of conception.
So am now playing the waiting game. Another scan on Tuesday to see whats happening but really i know we are waiting for the baby's heart to stop and miscarriage to happen.
So sad. Feel like a big black cloud is hanging over me as we wait to see what will happen. I feel pregnant, look pregnant but know my baby will probably die soon.
So sorry variety that is the worst and cruellest scenario with MMC when you see a heartbeat, therefore and alive baby that is certain to die. Am so sorry that you are going through this. It must seem even harder after IVF. I've not had IVF but I do know what the crap scan experience is like.
Hi variety, im so sorry to hear your news too. ive never been through IVF but must make it so much more difficult to go through something like this. I completely understand the black cloud feeling. I found it helped to talk/ share my feelings with dh, close friends and family during that terrible time after the scan. Thinking of you.
Oh I'm so sorry to hear your story Variety. That is so sad, and must be so so hard. I really know what you mean by that black cloud feeling. be kind to yourself. xx
So sorry, fruitloop. I experienced a MMC last March & will never forget my 12 week scan, staring at what appeared to be an empty sac, then hearing those dreaded words "how sure are you of your dates?"
I also looked & felt very pregnant, so was not prepared for the shock of finding out my baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks. I am haunted with the image of my little jellybean with no heartbeat.
I opted for the ERPC & it was definitely the right decision for me. I had a very early MC many years ago & it was agony. The ERPC was a very simple operation & I didn't experience any physical pain after it.
My heart goes out to you at this difficult time. Take care of yourself. x
Hi Fruitloop, im the same went for my 12 weeks scan last thursday and got only measured 7 weeks and no heartbeat, never heard of this before Im the same the waiting is the worst, they have now sent me home for a week to be rescanned this coming thurday, and if it hasnt passed then book in for d&c or medical management. They thing is though i dont want to wait it out ive heard of the pain and what you see so i would like it over with, i phoned and they said that i need to wait the week out and then potentially not get the d&C till the following week, so more time....im soo sad and just want it over with, im bleeding the now and have been for 7/8 days but nothing as yet so im sitting totally dreading it happening, i would prefer closure and they wont give it to me Thoughts with you and hugs i know how you feel hunni xxx
So sorry you are going through this too, angiebabe - it really is awful. I can't believe they are leaving you hanging on like this. I had my scan on the Tuesday & was admitted for my ERPC 2 days later, on the Thursday. I can't understand why they are insisting you wait the week out. You are going through enough, surely they don't need to make it any harder for you. My heart goes out to you both at this very hard time. x
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