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(14 Posts)
LILI80 Thu 02-Jun-11 21:04:09

Ok at the risk of sounding like a wingeing awful person.... I found out I had lost my baby the day before xmas eve which was absolutely devasting. I have a DD and desparately want her to have a brother or sister.

I decided the best thing to do was to throw myself into trying to conceive again especially seeing as all of my friends are pregnant. And so here I am 6 months later and still nothing happening!

That has been hard enough and then my friend who had a miscarriage a couple of months ago meets me and tells me that guess what? she's pregnant! Without having any period or anything. She said she wanted me to know as I would understand oh and apparently "you're more fertile a few months after a m/c" - I guess that's me screwed then!

God knows what my face looked like when she told me as I felt like I'd been hit in the stomach at full force :-( I know I should be pleased for her but honestly it's taken me 6 months so far and nothing and she's pregnant straight away? Why is life so unfair!!! And what have I done that I deserve to be surrounded by pregnant friends or their new borns and not be pregnant myself!?

My friend has offered me the use of her clearblue fertility
monitor as that's what helped her get pregnant (there's a good advertisement ladies) which is very kind of her but the offer did make me feel like I was being pitied.

I know that's wrong and I should stop looking into things so deeply and I should suck it up and get on with it but I really feel like someone up there is taking great pleasure in torturing me.

So sorry for the rant - I'm not normally this crazy but after this length of time things are starting to grate x

kid Thu 02-Jun-11 21:11:50

I can understand you being upset by your circumstances, its completely normal to feel that way.
I know when I was ttc DC2, a friend aborted her baby quite far along in the pregnancy and that really upset me. There was me wanting a baby and there was she getting rid of one just because she didn't want it sad

I am a strong believer in everything happens for a reason. Often, the reason is not clear, infact its impossible to even think of what the reason could be at times, but keep that thought in mind and don't give up.
Take you friend up on her offer for the fertility kit. So what if she pities you, if it will help you get pg then thats all that matters.

its also good to get it off your chest, so letting off steam here is better than falling out with your friends or keeping your feelings bottled up inside. I do hope your time will come .

EddiesGirl Fri 03-Jun-11 07:07:47

Lil,

I just wanted to say, I understand - I completely get it - it's just not fair. I posted a huge rant on here yesterday morning because I was in such a foul mood, which is unlike me.

I'm one of those people who has learnt to roll with the punches, I like to think of myself as an upbeat person - through necessity I've learnt to pick myself up and start again. I'm 35 and had a very short lived marriage, to a man who changed his mind on the night of the wedding (thanks), held my fathers hand as he went through insolvency, paid off over £30k of debt through nothing but hard work & run marathons. If there is a challenge in life I will rise to it.

Eddie and I got together 3 years ago and he really is my soul mate - I give thanks every day for our relationship, last summer we decided to come off the pill at the end of the summer and start trying for a baby. At the same time, my best friend did as well. Throughout life we have always done everything at the same time - but she ALWAYS goes first. From the age of 11, all those key moments happened to her first - first kiss, periods, bras, first house, driving test, engaged, married - you name it! Every time, I've looked along and had to nod & smile, suck it up and get on with it. Thinking 'when will it be me', having to be second again.

So when I got pregnant before her I couldn't believe it, I just couldn't for once it had happened to me first. For once it was my turn. It wasn't a race, it wasn't a competition, but a happy thing that was happening to me. Then of course, the sad & inevitable thing happened - I miscarried, only to be told weeks later, my best friend was pregnant. Amongst a million feelings I couldn't believe it was happening again, I was the one taking the knocks and she was the one going first. It was just all too much.

We had a very honest conversation and I said I was sorry, but it didn't feel fair - the going first thing etc. And she understood - she said she was sad for her when I was pregnant, but happy for me - as it was my turn to go first for once, it was right to be that way. I suppose I felt relieved really - to know that it wasn't all in my head, I hadn't made it up, it was real - I always went second and was the one to watch on.

Weeks have gone by, being the eternal optimist, like you I have lived with the hope that at least after a miscarriage you are ultra fertile. If nothing else, I would regain lost ground soon.

When AF turned up yesterday it floored me, totally. I'm not one who gets angry - I don't even say the word, there is a difference being anger & being cross, but I was angry. It just isn't fair. I only have one friend who isn't pregant and she's trying (I'm just waiting for the annoucment!). Anyway, this a very long story, but what I'm trying to say is - my best friend came round last night and she also gave me her fertility kit.

When all is said and done, she is my best friend and knows me so well. I was jaded at the end of a long and exhausting day and she was the one who understood me - I didn't need to explain anything, she just gets it. She gave me her fertility kit & if nothing else, I suppose it her way of helping. What else can she do?

So yes, I get it - it's horrible, it's not fair & it's hard to make sense of things. I only wish I could take your pain away, but like many others - I am here to share it and hope that it helps. I hope we all get the baby we so long and deserve soon.

Much love, XX

starvinmarvin Fri 03-Jun-11 11:18:14

I get it. I turned up at work today after having a miscarriage last thursday night to find out that one of my colleagues is pregnant and her baby's due the same day as mine was. She's emailed round pictures of her 12 week scan. I'm happy for her, but bh what timing! I did wonder why my boss looked a tiny bit relieved when I told her about my miscarriage.... What excuse can I make to get out of here?!

thighslapper Fri 03-Jun-11 11:26:24

Oh, this is like my life!

Just want to give big hugs to you all, its utter utter shite and not fair, but everything happens for a reason i believe.

I often have a secret little weep to myself after smiling through gritted teeth as yet another person anounces happily that they are pregnant.

emptyshell Fri 03-Jun-11 11:58:36

I'm now on month number 11 after my last MC - nothing, not even a chuffing stable menstrual cycle (had very wonky period at the wrong time that I'm not 100% wasn't something more sinister very recently). Am NOT happy with my internal plumbing at all and I voice my disapproval at my shite uterus in its general direction on a regular basis - plus at one point when I was delivering pre-shag pep talks in the direction of my husband's scrotum I knew I'd lost the plot completely (would be a helluva lot easier if sperm would bloody take directions and not just swim around blindly like a bloke trying not to pretend he's lost).

You just brace yourself for the inevitable announcements and grit your teeth and carry on shagging (sounds like a bad Carry On film)... I'm fucking sick of all the sex by now to be honest.

Yep it's crap - done more than my fair share of bawling my eyes out in the car.

thighslapper Fri 03-Jun-11 12:05:56

There are centres, apparently, emptshell, for faulty internal plumming.
I have visited one, they admired my cervix, voiced how healthy it looked in a kinda "mmm, i love your handbag" way.

They drained all but 50mls of my blood and told me that it was all "normal",i was fuming at this snippet, as you can imagine.

My healthy looking cevix/handbag have still produced no chuffing off spring for 17 months now since my 5th and final miscarriage.

My internal plumming, in my humble opinion is probably broken.
So i wanted to say "amen" to your sick of having sex comments, because frankly, it is becoming inconvenient as i do enjoy clean sheets and have little time for the volume of laundry that ttc throws up.
grin
grin

thighslapper Fri 03-Jun-11 12:06:54

Oh and thanks, you made me smile...which i need today smile

PieMistress Fri 03-Jun-11 12:50:38

emptyshell I was having very very wonky cycles for a few months (mid-cycle bleeding, cramping, lasting longer etc) unusual for me. GP didn't give 2 hoots so I started taking Zita West's Vitafem multivitamins. They aren't cheap (but cheaper elsewhere) but they did sort my cycles out (perhaps it's the B Vitamins??) and I had no mid cycle bleeding etc. I might have been a co-incidence. I also got a BFP after that (but sadly m/c at 7 weeks). x

whatsoever Fri 03-Jun-11 13:04:07

Adding some empathy here. I got pregnant in March after 10 long months of TTC. In that time I was crying every AF and all and sundry around me were getting pregnant at the drop of a hat. We started TTC the month before a friend's wedding. They started TTC on honeymoon and were pregnant by the time they flew back!

Getting pregnant was the happiest time of my life and then I had a MMC 10 days ago. All I see are pregnant people around me. I have been told the "super fertile after a MC" thing by a number of people, including friends of my husband who got pregnant the month after their MC and have a lovely baby boy now. However this thought coupled with the 10 long months it took last time feel depressing - if it doesn't happen in the first 3 months I like you will be tearing my hair out and raging at (unintentionally) patronising people.

We're thinking of starting TTC next week, which will be 2 weeks post MMC/ERPC and I am looking forward to getting on with it, but unless it works straight away I will be coming on here to say I am sick of shagging!

CollieandPup Fri 03-Jun-11 14:20:56

LILI hello, remember me from the ttc post mc thread? So sorry to find you here. How are you? Silly question, i retract.

Your feelings are totally normal and understandable. I've been there and really resented good people for their good fortune often sending me into a tearful snotty mess for days, which i knew then and know now was wrong, but you just can't control those feelings.

Your friend could clearly be more tactful especially considering shes been through the same thing. But then she also sounds like a good friend who cares for you, and just doesn't know what to do for the best.

I'm so sorry you are still waiting for your BFP, I truely hope its just around the corner.

Much love xx

emptyshell Fri 03-Jun-11 15:15:22

I found temp charting helped after the first miscarriage - I basically (in addition to the sperm pep talks) went to war armed with a thermometer to get some feeling of control over it all. I fully intended to ride any post-MC wave of fertility with a vengeance... then got a missed MC for my troubles!

If I'd have had the option of a CB fertility monitor (I'm a cheapskate and generally skint) I'd have used that obsessively - if nowt else, it narrows down the amount of incessant shagging required.

LILI80 Fri 03-Jun-11 18:33:16

Hi everyone

Thank you so much for all your lovely posts! And sorry to moan but I really felt like I needed to get it off my chest.

I know this won't help but it's nice to know there are others who are going through the same as me.

collieandpup hi yes I remember you smile I have been lurking around and I'm glad to hear things are going well with you. I was hoping to be able to join you in the freak out room but unfortunately it's just not happening sad

emptyshell know exactly what you mean about being sick of all the sex. Everytime AF arrives I'm thinking of 'oh jesus here we go again!'

wellieboots Sat 04-Jun-11 06:50:55

LILI I remember you from these boards and from the ttc post mc thread on conception - I mc'd in December too and still haven't got a BFP and starting to get stressed about it - took me 6 months the first time so expecting it to take at least something similar, but had heard the "super fertile" story too and hoped it might be a bit different this time. Not for me

Meantime, my Dbro got married in Feb, wasn't planning on kids for a couple of years, and came back from honeymoon with DSIL updiffed with twins!!! I am absolutely delighted for them, but it is SO HARD!

So sorry you're feeling this way but thank you for sharing - it is good to feel safe with other people who know exactly what it feels like and I have laughed out loud at some of the posts on here - just what I needed after unexpectedly starting AF early yesterday!

Waves to everyone - we will get there! take care x

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