surrogacy

[Kitsichick]

I am not sure where to post this Topic- so if I need re directing I am happy to take advice.
Dh and I have had three miscarriages and one stillbirth. We then planned to adopt from China- took three years to go through HS and get our papers LID in China only to find delays now meant a referral not poss until 2017 , maybe 2019. He has always said he wouldn't consider surrogacy. But today when I started to cry- again- in a shopping centre (they are vile places, okay) because 'everyone' had dc's and not us- he said he was now willing to consider it when I am fit again (I have to have an ovary removed for reasons I won't bore you)

This is rather like Paul McCartney suddenly asking for a Big Mac or John Prescott entereing strictly come dancing. To say I am amazed is an understatement. But happy and hopeful for first time in YEARS.

But where to start? DH is 40 and I am 50. We have been married 12 years. We are relatively well off, live in the countryside in a large detached house with a big garden- we bough it to have kids in-but would any surrogate look twice at us because of our ages and how do we find one. Has anyone been there done that and would be willing to talk to us about their experience?

[expatinscotland]

I'm assuming you'll need an egg donor, too, so it would be not just a surrogate but also an egg donor? Or an egg donor and then a surrogate?

Best of luck to you!

[Kitsichick]

expat- apparently 'most' people tend to choose a surrogate who the dh can give sperm to and she uses her own egg. But you are right- there is also the choice of a donor egg and dh sperm and then the carrying person is referred to as the 'gestational carrier' It's a whole ne wlnagugae. I am scared of getting too excited but this is the first bit of hope i HAVE had in years. DH is just lovely- but surrogacy was his'no' area before.

[Geepers]

I've had three surrogate babies and although I personally wouldn't choose an IM (intended mum) over the age of 42 or so but I know lots of other surrogates who wouldn't be put off at all. I hate to say it, but the better off you are the more chance you stand.

[expatinscotland]

Hmm. I'm too old and would never donate my eggs, but it might be more palatable to potential surrogates if they carry a child that is not genetically theirs, IYKWIM?

Really hate the term 'gestational carrier' it rather denegrates the role of the surrogate to mere womb rental.

Not sure how you'd go about getting one, though, so bumping.

[MumInBeds]

I've been a gestational carrier (or host surrogate as it's usually called in the UK) three times and been a member of Surrogacy UK from its start 8 years ago.

Your ages shouldn't be a problem, there are lots of couples your age. Surrogacy isn't easy and there is a shortage of surrogates but it can and does work for a lot of people.

How exciting for you! :)

[Kitsichick]

yes, i hate that term too- I had never heard it till Nicole Kidman used it and I don't inetend for it to become a permanent part of my vocabulary. What does 'bumping' mean?

[chocolatespiders]

it is worth having a look on the COTS website. It is something i am looking into at the moment, I have always wanted to have a surrogate baby for someone.
There is always hope so dont gove up and worry about age being a barrier.

[Kitsichick]

Surrogacy UK- is that the group Kim Cotton started?
Thanks MuminBeds. Yes it is exciting but have had heart broken SMT's I am scared to think this might be another Hopeful Avenue with a Cul de Sac.

[Kitsichick]

Thanks Chocolatespiders. If you want to compare notes with me off site do get in touch!

[expatinscotland]

Oh, bumping means responding to the thread so that it remains in Active Convos, which means more people will see it :).

[chocolatespiders]

I wasnt aware of surrogacy UK i will have a look on there
Geepers- is that your prefered site?

[sotough]

hi kitsichick i looked into this in quite a lot of detail - it would have been our next step if my most recent pregnancy didn't work out (happily it did.)
Please private mail me and I will happily share what we learned over a fairly long period of research.

[EmmaBGoode]

If you have the money, and don't want to wait, I would suggest you go to the US as in the UK it could take years. We are currently doing an egg donor cycle in California and I know that our clinic also uses gestational carriers.

I would be more than happy to give you some guidance.

[helenlouisey]

Hi EmmaBGoode, would be really interested to hear which clinic you have used. I'm currently battling Ashermans Syndrome, which is basically scarring in the uterus, Ive recently had another, and last operation, and if that doesnt work I think our only other hope will be Surrogacy, we'd be looking at a gestational carrier.

Has the legal side been difficult to deal with using a surrogate in the US? What have the rough time scales been from starting the process to finding a surrogate?

Also would you mind telling me roughly how much it would cost, I know it is going to cost tens of thousands, so we need to start saving if it's ever going to be an option for us.

Best of luck for your cycle

[EmmaBGoode]

Hi helenlouisey, am I allowed to name the clinic on here? I am not sure but I will anyway [mods: pls delete if not]. We are going with the wonderful Dr Lin at Reproductive Fertility Center in California. His success rates are amongst the best in the world. He is such a lovely guy and his staff are excellent. We are not using a gestational carrier, but we are using an egg donor.

I would be more than happy to give you the contact details for the surrogacy & egg donor coordinator at RFC if you PM me.

[helenlouisey]

Many thanks EmmaBGoode, sorry I didn't realise naming the clinic might be an issue with the moderators, apologies. Will drop you a PM.

Thanks again

[EmmaBGoode]

Did you get my PM with the info, helenlouisy?