Silent miscarriage at 11+ weeks

[meliesmummy]

Hello, I feel I need to write things down in the hope it'll help.
I've already got a daughter who'll be three next weekend and conceived her the first month, it took 8 cycles this time (including a chemical preg) but we got our positive on Christmas eve. I felt sick from 6 weeks and really tired, then I started to feel better a few weeks ago. I was a bit worried bcos I'd felt sick all the way thru first time round and I had a nagging feeling at the back of my mind that something wasn't right but my husband persuaded me I was being silly and that all pregs are different. I was still desperate for my dating scan and the letter finally arrived last thurs for next fri. Then about an hour after the letter came I had a tiny bleed, my midwife arranged for a scan yesterday morn. I went along half thinking it'd be fine bcos I'd had a similar experience in my last preg, half terrified bcos this time just felt different. When the radiographer said the baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks the bottom fell out of my world. I'm going in for my 2nd half of medical management in the morning and I wondered what to expect? Will I be in as much pain as labour? I'm terrified. And I'm terrified of what comes next. We both want to try again, is it safe soon after the pessaries? And I know I'll be so anxious, when and if we catch again. Plus my friends due any day now and someone at work had the same edd as me, how will I cope with that? I feel so lost. Thanks for reading, sorry it's so long!

[GwendolineMaryLacey]

My goodness, it could have been me writing that post (just turned 3yo DD, 6 months ttc, mmc at 11 weeks (baby was 6w). I also told everyone that something wasn't right and was told every pg was different etc etc. But I knew and sadly I was right.

I had a surgical removal so don't know anything about the route you're taking, sorry but someone else will. Mine was 3 weeks ago and we're trying again now. I asked what the general consensus was and it seems 50/50 between those who tried again straight away and those who waited for one cycle to pass.

As for your friend and colleague, I don't know what to suggest because I don't know myself. My SIL is having a c section on Tuesday and I don't know how I'll be. I wish there was an easy answer that I could give :( xx

[meliesmummy]

Im so sorry you are going thru thus too. I didnt even write all I wanted bcos it seemed too long, but I can't help thinking was it my fault? Did I drink too much coke/ have the bath too hot/ was it cos I work nights? I remember feeling so tired around 8 weeks, I had a cold and was wiped out.
I feel so sad, and so guilty bcos I can hardly bring myself to play with my daughter even tho without her I'd be in an even worse state, my husbands been fab but I think his way of coping is to be 'normal' and I just can't.

[Wattinger]

Hi Meliesmummy

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, it is truely shit isn't it? A very similar thing has happened to me just this week so perhaps I can help with the "what can I expect" bit?

I think everyone's different but I had 2 days of spotting with no real pains, then what felt like bad period pains accompanied by half a day of bleeding and a day of passing clots (sorry if TMI), then 2 days and counting of heavy bleeding, just like a heavy period really. It actually has not been physically as bad as I feared and nowhere near as bad as labour. The worst bit is the feeling of passing the clots (try not to look )

My advice would be to stock up on big sanitary towels and heavy duty painkillers, I'm taking paracetamol and codeine coupled with nurofen and a big glass of red wine You will also need a hot water bottle and some comfort food. If the pain gets too much you can always go to A&E or your GP to get some stronger painkillers.

I know what you mean about feeling guilty, my DS (also 3) has been watching DVDs for the last 4 days . My Mum and partner have been taking him out every day to give me a chance to rest.

Big hugs, it sucks.
Wattinger

[CBear6]

I am so sorry honey, there's not really anything anyone can say to make it better but please know you're not alone in how your feeling.

I had a missed miscarriage in June. I had a tiny bit of bleeding at 14 weeks and was sent for a scan, the scan showed baby's heart had stopped at 13 weeks. The most horrific image I've ever seen was the scan of her laying on her side with her hands over her face. Just awful.

I had medical management too and I was terrified for the second round of it, I spent the night before in tears because I didn't want to go. I expected it to be like something out of a horror movie and that it would be agony. My advice is not to read the patient leaflet they give you because that's what scared me, the reality was very different.

Take some big sanitary pads, I had Always nighttime with the wings and they did pretty well. The hospital do provide pads but they're those pillow sized ones with no wings that are about as absorbent as a brick. Take a few changes of knickers with you too in case of any leakages, I bought some smart price ones from Asds and chucked them afterwards, a change of pants too just in case.

I had the pessaries and nothing happened, then a few hours later they gave me two more to take orally. After I took those I had some cramps, they were fairly strong but paracetamol knocked them down (the nurse told me they could give me any painkiller I wanted right the way up to morphine so if you need anything just tell them), the cramps never got strong enough to need more than paracetamol but it varies from person to person. They weren't as painful as labour but they were regular like mini-contractions. About an hour after those two pills I heard/felt a pop and had the urge to get to the bathroom, everything came away and as soon as it did the cramps stopped. I bled quite heavily for a few hours and then that slowed down.

I bled for around four week afterwards but it was no heavier than a period and got gradually lighter. I was told I absolutely had to wait for my period to come before trying again, they said it's to make absolutely sure that the misoprostol and mifepristone is gone from your system as it can cause problems otherwise and it helps them date the next pregnancy.

Big hugs, take it easy for as long as you need to afterwards too

[hairylights]

So sorry. I'm having the second part of medical management tomorrow too.

Hope it is as easy as it can be for you.

[meliesmummy]

Thank you all for reading and I'm sorry for your losses.

[meliesmummy]

Thank you all for reading and I'm sorry for your losses.

[kirrinIsland]

Sorry for everyones' losses.

Not quite the same situation for me as I had a surgical removal but I did have three friends with baby's due shortly after I lost mine - I won't lie, it was hard to be around them sometimes but I didn't find it unbearable. They did all know my situation though and were therefore sensitve to how I might feel about things. "milestones" were the hardest parts - hearing about 20 weeks scans, first ante-natal class, starting materity leave ect, but on a day to day basis it was mostly ok.
With regards to how to long to wait before trying again, I don't know about the impact of pessaries etc but I asked 3 different doctors how long to wait after a surgical removal(my GP, my consultant and a locum) and I got 3 different answers, so would suggest getting a couple of opinions and then you can make an informed decision. hope this helps.

[harassedinherpants]

So sorry for everyone's losses, it's so hard.

I had mmc & erpc 4 weeks ago, but I do have a very close friend who's due 2 days before I would have been. I thought it would be impossible but it hasn't. In a way, she understands better than anyone what I've lost. She's also happy to talk about it, and she acknowledges my baby when I feel others have now forgotten or feel I should have "moved on".

I've found I can see her 12 wk scan pics, talk about preg but also my mmc and I am happy for her! Today we've been shopping whilst our dd's were at a party and we've looked at mat clothes for her (although she checked first I was ok with it) and we've been to Mamas & Papas and looked at prams etc. It was fine! At the end of the day, I don't want to lose a great friend.

Secretly hoping all her pregnancy vibes rub off on me .

[meliesmummy]

I thought I'd write an update for anyone looking at this thread and needing answers...
I had the pessaries just after 9 this morning and the cramps started not long after, with really heavy bleeding (think 3 pads an hour), the pain was manageable with painkillers. Around lunchtime I passed a huge clot and thought that was it but it was just blood, the rest came a bit later, I had to push it out (sorry if that's tmi!). It wasn't quite everything tho, I've had 2 more oral doses and an exam (by far the worst bit) and it looks like I'll be in for the night, which is awful bcos I told my daughter I'd be there at her bedtime.
I'm feeling a bit more positive about everything now, still sad obviously but thinking it just wasn't our time and it WILL happen for us. It sounds stupid but for weeks there's been 1 magpie in our garden (1 for sorrow 2 for joy etc) that's been worrying me a little for weeks, immediately after I passed the sac I looked out of the window and saw 2...that little thing lifted me a bit (whatever helps right?) and I think I can start moving on now, provided I don't end up in theatre tomorrow!
Thanks again x

[meliesmummy]

I thought I'd write an update for anyone looking at this thread and needing answers...
I had the pessaries just after 9 this morning and the cramps started not long after, with really heavy bleeding (think 3 pads an hour), the pain was manageable with painkillers. Around lunchtime I passed a huge clot and thought that was it but it was just blood, the rest came a bit later, I had to push it out (sorry if that's tmi!). It wasn't quite everything tho, I've had 2 more oral doses and an exam (by far the worst bit) and it looks like I'll be in for the night, which is awful bcos I told my daughter I'd be there at her bedtime.
I'm feeling a bit more positive about everything now, still sad obviously but thinking it just wasn't our time and it WILL happen for us. It sounds stupid but for weeks there's been 1 magpie in our garden (1 for sorrow 2 for joy etc) that's been worrying me a little for weeks, immediately after I passed the sac I looked out of the window and saw 2...that little thing lifted me a bit (whatever helps right?) and I think I can start moving on now, provided I don't end up in theatre tomorrow!
Thanks again x

[hairylights]

sorry things didn't go easy for you melies I thought of you yesteday.

I took the four pessaries at about 11.00 and they kept me in for observation (thank goodness). Cramps started almost immeditely, and I was given co-codamol which didn't help, so they then gave me pethedine which did help, although I could still feel a dull ache. By 2pm there was still no bleeding and I was on to gas an air.

I then felt really sick, puked up and felt a gush of blood. Went to the loo and I'd passed the pregnancy sac, which was about a centimetre in diameter.

I've bled heavily since, but I came home at 9pm. Still got mild cramps but feel fine.

sorry if tmi but it might help someone else to know what it's like sometime.

Hope you will be home and well today melies.

[meliesmummy]

Thanks hairylights

They sent me home this morning...not sure why they kept me in to be honest bcos nothing else happened and as soon as I saw a nurse practitioner this morning I was given antibiotics, an appointment for a follow up scan (in epu of all places, it wont be the highlight of my week!) and sent on my way...I think the dr was being over cautious in keeping me in (especially considering the one who decided didn't even come and see me!). I am sure I passed everything.

Hope your recovery is ok x

[hairylights]

Bless you. Glad you are home.

I'm feeling a tad light headed and I haven't got dressed today but I guess I am allowing myself one day of doing nothing before going back to work. I want to get back to work and normality.

It's horrid to have to go back to EPU for a scan - I've now been in and out of that place and emergency gynae more times than I care to - and I think if there is a next pregnancy (after I've had my recurrent MC testing) I won't be having a scan earlier than eight weeks, and I'll probably go private, as I feel a little bit traumatised by the place now.

[meliesmummy]

I am nowhere near ready for work, luckily I'm on holiday this week anyway (not how I imagined spending it!), not just emotionally but physically I'm a wreck, good luck for tomorrow if you make it in x

I know what you mean about the unit, I asked about early scans for the next time and was told no, unless there's a reason (apparently previous mmc and major anxiety aren't enough of one here...) so I'll be doing the private thing too even tho it's 40 miles to the nearest private scanning place, but there's no way I can risk being given that news at a 12 week scan as would have happened this time without the tiniest bleed imaginable.

[hairylights]

Just take your own time and give yourself as long as you need off.

Last time (November) I took over a month off - I really needed the time to get over it.

With this being the third, not so far along, and never having really 'believed' it (after last time) I guess I am ready sooner.

Do allow yourself time to heal emotionally and physically, and good luck x