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CP after MMC - offloading & advice?

(5 Posts)
Yarnie Thu 13-Jan-11 12:34:46

I had a MMC at 10 weeks (measuring 7 weeks) last November. It hit me quite hard because I had an early "reassurance" scan at 7 weeks and saw the HB. Obviously something went wrong shortly after that. Because of the scan, I had allowed myself to acknowledge the pregnancy, which made losing it all the harder.

I had an ERPC and this past month was our first real attempt at TTC again.

After mixed symptoms (constipation, which I usually get when pregnant, and mood swings, which I usually get before AF), I tested today and got a faint positive. A couple of hours later, I have bleeding and my cervix is open, so I assume this is a chemical pregnancy.

Whilst I can be reasonably pragmatic about such an early pregnancy loss, it has brought my feelings about the MMC back to the surface and I'm feeling pretty blue.

To cap it off, I told DH (who was incredibly supportive during the MMC episode) in an email. When I managed to speak to him on the phone, he didn't even mention the email and was telling me about his really bad day at work. I assumed he hadn't read the email, but when I asked, he had. He said "it's pretty normal, isn't it?", which needless to say, isn't the response I was hoping for. I think he was just trying to say it is very common, but that's not much better.

A good friend recently had her baby at 27 weeks only to lose him 2 weeks later, which I found very upsetting - both for her and because it brought back my loss. Also, my best friend is pregnant, so I don't have anyone to talk to. I'm finding the whole thing very isolating. I feel that DH expects me to be over the MMC and he clearly has other things on his mind, anyway. It's hard not having anyone to talk too.

I am lucky enough to have a beautiful 22 month old boy who can lift my spritis, but it is also hard to find the time to get my head around all of this.

Sorry to vent.

Does anyone know whether it would be advisable to see my GP with regard to this CP?

AnytimeNOW Thu 13-Jan-11 12:51:27

Hello, I'm so sorry you are going through such a painful time, and can totally relate to your experience.

You are bound to feel so very sad and of course all the pain of your MMC will come back...please be kind to yourself, and allow yourself to feel your emotions, this will help you in your recovery (not suggesting you will ever get over it, but you will in time handle it).

Sadly I think our partners just don't understand the level of emotional pain this causes, I'm sure he didn't mean to add to your upset. Please try and keep communicating, as you both need to support each other.

I would be booking to see gp, and discuss how you are feeling, and also the details of your recent loss. My gp needed to know, so he could book me in for basic tests. If you are anything like me I needed answers to why my body was failing me.

Give yourself time, and when you can, talk to your friends...I'm sure they are all there for you as you are them.

Take care, if you need to talk more/vent you can always private message me, I have been there, and have an idea how you are feeling.

Louise X

wellieboots Thu 13-Jan-11 12:51:48

Sorry for your losses Yarnie

Not sure re seeing your GP - might be worthwhile just to get it on the record but thankfully I've only mc'd once so I'm afraid I don't know.

Just wanted to say I'm sorry - I'm hoping to start ttc again shortly after a blighted ovum and erpc in Dec and if this happened to me so quickly I'd be gutted. Please be kind to yourself and take your time - chat on here if there is noone in RL you can confide it.

I am finding the same with DH - he has moved on and when I talk about my feelings, difficult memories (eg plans we'd made for this year, which we'd had to make around the pg, which are now coming up but there is no pg) or fears about ttc again for fear of another loss, he is quite nonplussed about the whole thing and I don't get much feedback. I think they deal with it completely differently - it didn't happen in their body which I think makes a difference. There are many many people on here who get a response like that from DHs - it's really hard, I know.

Vent on here as much as you like, and take good care of yourself x

Yarnie Thu 13-Jan-11 16:51:42

Thank you both. Your much needed sympathy brought some much needed tears. Feeling a bit tougher now. My son and I went for a walk this afternoon and he was having such fun. It brought home how damn lucky I am to have this little creature in my life. If he's all I ever have, well, I will be one of the lucky ones - as the stories on these boards illustrate.

Still, I'll be hoping for a happier outcome next month. I imagine it gets harder with each month that does not bring a successful pregnancy.

AnytimeNOW Thu 13-Jan-11 17:49:59

Bless you...glad you are taking pleasure from spending time with your boy.

Like you I feel blessed to have my two DC, but when you have decided you want another child the desire is very strong.
My GP made me feel a little better when he explained that actually getting pregnant is the hard bit...and like you I was...but the problem was keeping hold of them.
He also said that having a child before was a very good sign.

I have had 3 losses in the last nine months, all between 5 and 7 weeks and was on the verge of giving up (Im 38), my GP did all basic tests, all came back ok.

I'm now 11 weeks and keeping everything please don't lose faith, and do see you GP for blood and hormone testing.

I hope I haven't upset you sharing my experience hmm.

Thinking of you X

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