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Stillbirth at 37 weeks

(17 Posts)
sweetlucy Mon 10-Jan-11 10:17:39

I lost my baby boy 2 months ago, he just stopped moving and by the time I got to hospital there was no heartbeat.
I can't believe that after months of anticipation, love, expectations he was taken away from me before I could even meet him.
The pregnancy had been normal until then, I did some text 2 weeks earlier and was told my baby was in perfect health.
I'm really heartbroken and I feel really lost and alone.

LunaticFringe Mon 10-Jan-11 10:24:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thegrowlygus Mon 10-Jan-11 10:25:03

Hi - so sorry to hear about your baby boy - what did you call him?
I lost my first baby boy at 26 weeks back in 2002. I didn't contact Sands at first but when I did they were fantastic (my local group especially). They are on line http://www.uk-sands.org/ but I would hope that your midwives/hospital have already given you that info (but know from experience that they might not have).

It gets easier with time - but it takes a long long time. I think myself and a lot of the friends I have made since who have had the same experience, found that the period around 6-8 weeks after our babies were born was incredibly difficult. Everyone else seems to have moved on and expects you to do the same, but it is too soon.

Take care. E mail me if you would like to.
xx

Iwishiwasasleep Mon 10-Jan-11 10:25:48

So sorry for your loss. I don't have any experience of this so I don't know what to say exactly but I didn't want your post to go unanswered. Someone who knows what to say will be along soon. That's the best thing about mumsnet. You are never alone here.

Take care.

LunaticFringe Mon 10-Jan-11 10:26:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iwishiwasasleep Mon 10-Jan-11 10:26:44

X posts - not very fast with the typing on the iPhone!

ShowOfHands Mon 10-Jan-11 10:28:03

I am so sorry. What is your little boy's name?

You are very welcome here. My lovely friend lost her little baby shortly after birth and said both SANDS and Cruse were wonderful.

thegrowlygus Mon 10-Jan-11 10:28:54

That's one of the worst things I think - thinking you are alone in this. I am medical. I have cared for families that have had stillbirths before I had mine. I know it happens. I know all that. But when it happened to me, I felt like I was the only one in the world this had happened to. Finding other people (mainly on line initially) was such a comfort.

anon1110 Mon 10-Jan-11 12:07:26

Hi there,

I am very sorry for the loss of your little boy, my heart aches for you, we went through this 3 years ago when we lost our little girl at 33 weeks.

It does get easier with time as many people will prob tell you, but even 3 years on I still find myself crying for the little girl I never got chance to get to know.

You will never forget him, and it does feel so lonely sometimes as it feels like everyone else does and people think that now I should be 'over it' 3 years on, which couldnt be further from the truth.

I hope you have a wonderful family to get you through this difficult time. xx

louisesh Mon 10-Jan-11 12:58:43

Hi Sweetlucy

So very sorry XXXXXX

My dd was stillborn at 41 weeks on October 10th 2010.[3 months ago today].She , Georgina, known as Georgie was my 4 th pregnancy [3 MCs in the last 2 years] perfect pregnancy.Had 2 sweeps at 40 weeks,5 days and 41 weeks .Heard Georgie's heart beat on friday 8th Oct after the 2 nd sweep by the day after no movement, no heartbeat.

Georgie had contracted E coli via the placenta from me and the sweeps.She died of hypoxia and an inflammation of the membranes due to infection.We have no other children.

I m seeimg a counseller via occ health at work and have attended a local support group [which weren t very good] and have spoke to SANDS.I have a really supportive dh,family and friends.I ve ditched a few friends whom relationships with are too hard.[one of my friends had a baby 2 months after Georgie]

We set up a donation web site and Georgie raised over £1500 for the delivery suite staff and memory boxes.

Did you get to spend time with your little boy?

Did you have a memoery box?

Sorry , if i m asking too many questions.

It does slowly get eaiser the first day i left hospital without Georgie i literally thought i wouldn t be able to get through the afternoon.

Please take care try and eat , even if only small amounts,please talk to someone,who ever you feel comfortable with,.

It is the worst thing to ever happen and i know exactly what you are going through.Please message me if you want.

Lots of love XXXX

sweetlucy Mon 10-Jan-11 13:33:21

Thank you for your replies.

Louise I'm so sorry about your little Georgina.

anon I feel I'll never get over this, and I guess like you did, I will need to learn to leave with it.

lunatic thank you for your reply, it's sad but it helps knowing other have been through the dame thing i have and "survived it". I'll have a look at the thread.

the growlygus thank you, I feel angry with my family and friends for forgetting about my baby so quickly. I'm sorry about your baby

I didn't spend anytime with my little boy, Leon, when they told me he'd died I felt like he wasn't really my baby and refused to hold him. I feel so much shame and guilt to have reacted in such a horrible way. When I asked to see him, he had already gone for the autopsy and when he came back they advised me not to see him.
The only time I held him was when he was in his little coffin, but I wasn't allowed to open it. I hate myself for rejecting him the way I did, when all I wanted was to be his mummy.
I have pictures, foot and hands prints but it's not enough. I miss him terribly.
My partner was very sad at first but seems to have moved on and doesn't like to talk about our baby because I get too upset.

I went back to work, and tried to pretend I was over it almost immediately but I cry and cry and cry every time I'm alone for a second.

anon1110 Mon 10-Jan-11 13:47:15

I think its totally normal to react the way you did with the not holding him. I was scared that if I held her I would fall in love with her and would be harder to let go, but my husband talked me into holding my daughter saying I would regret it if I didnt. I am glad I took his advice.

We had an autopsy on our daughter and I saw her in her coffin afterwards and now wish I didnt as she looked totally different, I think it is better to remember them the way they were.

Im sure your little boy knows you loved him.

When I went back to work, I used to go on break in my car and cry, and the horible thing was when I went back nobody knew what had happened and kept asking how my baby was, that hurt so much.

sweetlucy Mon 10-Jan-11 15:32:38

Anon

It's hard, sometimes I feel like staying home and hiding under my duvet so I'm free to cry without worrying about people around me.
And yeah it's awful when people come to you with a big smile asking how your baby is and you have to tell them what happened.
It happens to me almost everyday, emails, phone calls, people in the street...
I've changed all my habits to avoid the places where I used to shop regularly as I can't face the shop keepers who knew me and saw my belly grow.

louisesh Mon 10-Jan-11 16:43:23

Poor you Sweetlucy I held Georgie, we all did my dh,dad,mum,sis,bro and mil.We had her with us for about 8 hours.

You handled things how you could at the time.There is nothing to be gained from beating yourself up now.[I know easier said than done].When we got our results i beat myself up i should have known i had an infection as i m a nurse but soon realised i was a symptonmatic so had no way of knowing and as soon as i detected a problem i went to hospital.

Can t believe you ve returned to work already? I m impressed. I haven t and won t be for at least another month then i ll be phasing in , not going back full time straight away.Mind you , i work in a sexual health clinic with my own clinics with pg patients.I have requested to do office work when i return until i m strong enough to deal with pg pts [hopefully i ll be pg myself then]

My dh returned to work 1 month after Georgie [he doesn t get 6 months full sick pay] i think men cope by "doing" stuff.He doesn t really talk about Georgie but he always participates when i talk about her.Again , i think he worries about upsetting me but as i said how can anything you say upset me? My daughter died whats worse than that?

I still cry most days.We have photos of Georgie in our lounge and what would have been her bedroom and i talk to them!!!!

Loosing a baby does change everything and my whole life, i won t shop at my local supermarket as my ex friend shops there with her 2 week old baby and i can t stand to see her.

Take care XXXX

anon1110 Tue 11-Jan-11 09:31:42

louiseh I know what you mean about having to ditch friends, I should have done it sooner, my apparent best friend decided when my daughter died it was her time to have a family and called her daughter the same name as mine, including the middle name! and my son was born about the same time and she has rubbed her daughter in my face as my son has had loads of health problems which has affected his development and she has rubbed every one of her daughters developments in my face. and worse still she thinks im the bad person and wont talk to me!

sweetlucy Im surprised you returned to work so early too, I still went on maternity leave when I lost my daughter, and went back after 5 months, and I still feel like I wasnt ready! I think you are being really brave for going back so early.

louisesh Tue 11-Jan-11 10:11:25

anon1110 Like you i will have had 5 months off by the time i go back and even then i m only going back as i m phasing in.

Some friends come and go and i think experiencing what we have makes you realise life is too short to put up with crap and all that goes with that.Your "best "friend sounds delightful!!!!!

Sorry for your loss XX

Minione Tue 11-Jan-11 21:02:38

I am so so sorry, I know no words will help you at the moment but just wanted to send my love. My son Malachy was stillborn on the 12th June at 30 weeks. Not a day goes by when I don't think about him but it is starting to get easier. I didn't see Malachy either, I was too scared and couldn't do it. DH did and I'm glad one of us did, I often wish I had held him and told him how much I loved him.

I went back to work almost 3 months after Malachy died, I thought I would be able to cope but after about a week in I broke down and went to see my HR manager. I went on a phased return for a couple of months and even though it was only afew hours less I felt it really helped. Don't push yourself to hard, work was a great distraction for me (I'm a teacher!) but to begin with it was too overwhelming.

Take care and please join us on the bereaved parents thread when you feel up to it x

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