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Terrible guilt

(5 Posts)
zubin Mon 03-Jan-11 16:51:37

I had a miscarriage at the end of October at 11 weeks - I am sad to say it was an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy, I was deciding whether to continue with it when nature took its course. I can't seem to get passed feelings of sadness and overwhelming guilt, I feel guilt I didn't want the baby, I feel guilty reading others stories of much wanted babies, I feel guilty for feeling sad and then guilty for not feeling sad enough and now I feel guilty for still feeling sad when I am telling myself i should feel ok by now. I dont know why I am posting really, maybe to get things off my chest I can't talk to anyone in rl and I just want to feel normal again

daisytaylor Mon 03-Jan-11 17:52:21

Hi there i am so sorry for your loss. Please don't feel guilty as you have done nothing wrong. There are planty of women out there who have at some point become pregnant and unable to decide wether they want to continue with the pregnancy. I have a friend who was in the same position as you and also mc and also felt very guilty. It will take time for you to come to terms and it is normal to feel sad. Any loss wanted or unwanted is still a loss to you and a shock to your body.
I know this is probably not much help or comfort to you but i feel many many can sympathise with you and know what you are feeling.
If you want to ask anything or just want someone to talk to feel free and i will keep an eye on this thread. Big hugs x

amy74 Mon 03-Jan-11 17:58:25

I'm so sorry Zubin.We went through completely the same. We already have 2 DD's and the thought of another one scared us both. We too had "the chat".I then told my DH that I wanted the baby and we decided that in fact it would fine.However, sadly we had a mmc at 16 weeks and the guilt was overwhelming. we had to go into hospital to deliver the baby 2 days later and I just knew we were being punished again.
This was on the 27th August and sadly I'm still not coping very well. I have now contacted a bereavement counsellor for some help before I go crazy as I'm not eating or sleeping.
I've been told to take each day slowly and cry if I want to (which is very often!!) but I know it is going to be a very slow process. My heart goes out to you but don't feel guilty as it will eat you up inside.
Take care.x

zubin Mon 03-Jan-11 18:07:18

Thank you so much for your kind words, it's such a strange feeling - I am grieving for something I didn't think I wanted, and now I feel desperate to have another baby but I am pretty sure it's just the emotions talking, I know it's not an option for all the reasons I didn't think I wanted the one I lost.

IAmReallyFabNow Mon 03-Jan-11 18:10:02

I felt guilty that I lost one of my twins but felt it would have been a lot harder with 2 babies. I would still give everything to have both babies here but try to rationalise it by saying it was maybe for the best for a number of reasons. I have felt guilt that I felt more upset at the single twin I lost than the single baby I lost before that.

I would wait a bit before trying for a baby unless you are 100% sure it is what you want and not just the hormones making you think you want a baby. Even if you have a baby it will never replace the one you have lost and will nev4r make up for it.

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