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Miscarriage on Christmas Eve

(37 Posts)
cblondon Fri 24-Dec-10 22:23:21

So it's 10pm on Christmas Eve and I've no idea whether there's anyone out there but I need to write something to someone. I'm sat in bed with the laptop at my (late) Mum's house, in pain and bleeding.

I am/was 9 weeks pregnant and last weekend noticed a small amount of blood when I went to the toilet and started to experience cramps. I went for a scan on Monday and was told that the embryo had only developed to 5-6 weeks and that while there was a heartbeat it was very slow. They told me I was at a very high risk of miscarriage and that there was nothing I could do except make an appointment for another scan after Christmas.

I went home feeling pretty devastated. The cramps continued but I didn't bleed too much more for the next couple of days and so a small part of my mind had a wild hope that somehow things would be OK. I guess deep down I knew they wouldn't be and I've felt a lot of grief since Monday.

I was already pretty nervous about Christmas as my Mum died in October and I'm only really just getting over that. My husband and I had arranged to spend Christmas with my Mum's partner as otherwise he would be by himself for his first Christmas without Mum. I wasn't too keen on leaving my own home but felt it was too late to change our plans so we travelled up from London to the West Midlands this morning.

Any last hope was finally extinguished in the glorious setting of Corley services where I passed a whole load of blood and clots. Not very pleasant I can tell you. I'm now at my Mum's house and feeling pretty desperate - I didn't know it was possible to feel emotional pain like this. I'm scared by just how low I feel - I can't seem to control my emotions and I can't imagine ever recovering from this.

I can see from all the other posts that it gets better with time but right now I feel very alone. If anyone's reading this do send me a note if you can! I'm dreading Christmas Day - we're supposed to be going to my Dad's house to spend the day with my brother and his pregnant wife and kids. They all know what's happened and are being very sweet but I don't think I can sit around pretending that everything's OK any more. Perhaps we should just go back to the comfort of our own home...?

DH being wonderful thank goodness. Don't know what I'd do if he wasn't with me.

Sorry for such a sad post at what should be a happy time...hope Christmas is going OK for others.

stickersarecurrency Fri 24-Dec-10 22:26:26

Oh you poor soul . I'm so sorry you're going through this. Wishing you strength.

conkertree Fri 24-Dec-10 22:27:35

I'm so sorry to read all this. It's bad enough to suffer a mc without having lost your mum too this year, and to be at her house can't be helping,

If the rest would keep your mums partner company, and your dh would take you home, maybe that would be for the best.

If that won't work, once you get through Christmas day, hopefully dh and you can have a few days yourselves at home and just be together.

Sorry I can't help more, but some with more experience will be along in a minute.

Tikkabillajive Fri 24-Dec-10 22:27:47

I'm so sorry sad. I don't know what to say but I couldn't read your post and not answer. I'm thinking of you - you sound so lovely and it is heartbreaking to think of what you are going through. Please keep posting on here and I am sure some more useful people than me will be along soon.

KateF Fri 24-Dec-10 22:28:11

I'm so sorry. It's 12 years since I lost my first baby but I remember the pain, both emotional and physical. No-one can tell you what you should do but sending you an unMumsnetty hug.

TCOB Fri 24-Dec-10 22:28:14

I don't have any experience or words of wisdom but just wanted to say I am so, so sorry for what you are going through. There are so many wise, amazing strong women on MN who will know so much more what it feels like. But all I can say is I hope you and your DH stay strong together and hope for better Christmases ahead. SO sorry if this sounds a bit trite - I don't have better words but just wanted to post.

conkertree Fri 24-Dec-10 22:28:55

Sorry mis-read post about Christmas day. Sounds like the others would understand if you didnt go to your dads.

pooka Fri 24-Dec-10 22:30:11

Oh poor you - I'm so sorry.

I think if I were you I'd want to be at home, cocooned by things familiar rather than putting on a Christmas face.

Tootlesmummy Fri 24-Dec-10 22:30:15

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I would say why not wait until the morning and see how you feel, you may want to be with others if not I agree go home.

I had a similar situation last year at the beginning of December, and I know how distressing it is.

It will get easier, I know that sounds very trite just now but it does, it just takes time and you need to allow yourself time to grieve as well.

Take care and be kind to yourself.

twofalls Fri 24-Dec-10 22:30:42

I am socsorry. I have no experience of what you are going through so can only imagine your pain. What a terrible time you have had. Sending you lots of hugs.

Beamur Fri 24-Dec-10 22:33:02

Its a dreadful thing to happen at any time, but at Christmas and not in your own home must be so tough.
I know from experience how awful this is - I had a miscarriage at a similar point in my pregnancy and felt so terribly sad.
You will get through this, sadly it has happened to a lot of us.
Wrap up, keep comfortable and take your time to get over this.

mrsmillsfanclub Fri 24-Dec-10 22:38:09

So sorry for your loss. I had my 3rd mc two days ago, so I know how you feel about it being particularly hard at this time of year.

My first 2 losses were at about the stage you were at and I remember them as being very painful both physically and emotionally. This most recent mc was very very early, so more like a very heavy period but it still feels heartbreaking.
Please take care of yourself, taking it one day at a time is the only advice I can offer.
Thinking of you.

cblondon Fri 24-Dec-10 22:39:54

Thank you all for the lovely messages - feels better to know you're all out there! I guess I'm going to take it one hour at a time and see how I feel in the morning...better I hope.

Pancakeflipper Fri 24-Dec-10 22:41:23

Oh my. Oh hugs. I am so sorry for you and DH. There's no right or wrong, if you want to go back to your home. Go. Anything to bring a little peace to you and make you a little more comfortable.

teenyweenytadpole Fri 24-Dec-10 22:45:22

Just wanted to add to the other messages of support - what a terrible thing to be happening on Christmas Eve. Glad you have your DH with you and your Mum also. I agree, do whatever you need to do to feel comfortable, even if that means driving home on Christmas morning. Thinking of you. XXX

ShanahansRevenge Fri 24-Dec-10 22:47:09

So sorry...you must put yourself first...I hope your DH looks after you well and I will say a little prayer for you and your baby now...if you're not, I will also put some good thoughts your way.

I hope you come back and let us know how you get on...people will be thinking of you. x

megonthemoon Fri 24-Dec-10 22:58:05

I lost a baby in November last year. It is truly truly awful.

It wasn't just before Christmas, but it was the day before my oldest friend's wedding. I too felt horrendously alone and down, and my immediate reaction was that there was no way I was going to the wedding. But the next morning, I realised that I would feel even worse if I looked back and found that I had not only lost a baby but also missed her wedding, so DH and I went to the ceremony and had a drink afterwards and a quick chat with her, her DH and her mum and dad, then went home. Like your family, she and her DH knew and were very sweet and just told us to do what we wanted. I do look back now and am so glad that I took those few hours to be there so that I don't also feel sad that I wasn't there on her special day on top of everything else - it's not necessarily the same as Christmas, but perhaps a drink with people you love and who will be very kind may be of some help rather than feeling even more alone at Christmas too.

The main thing is, what you do is entirely up to you - there is no right or wrong response.

If it gives you a little bit of hope at such a devastating time, I now have a beautiful daughter (3 months old exactly on Christmas Day!). She wouldn't be here if I hadn't had that miscarriage and she is wonderful. So happiness has come after such sadness - things will get better I promise.

Take care of yourself. You'll be in my thoughts.

Udderly Fri 24-Dec-10 23:02:01

My heart is breaking reading your post. I lost two little beans last year, I know all too well that awful lonely empty feeling. It will get better but it does take time. I do think you should go home where you are comfortable. Its incredibly difficult to be around someone who is pregnant at this time, I didn't get out of bed the next day, I wasn't able to face the world. I'll be thinking of you tonight, take care of yourself.

shinyshoesandglitterypoos Fri 24-Dec-10 23:09:54

Oh how awful for you. There is nothing anyone can say to make this pain go away, but many of us have been there and the vast majority go on to have successful subsequent pregnancies.

Take things very slowly. Don't pretend to be happy when you aren't or that you've got over things. It doesn't help. Wallow for a while, you need to grieve.

And there will come a day when it hurts a bit less. Take care xx.

TheUnmentioned Fri 24-Dec-10 23:20:17

im so sorry xxx

hadrian Fri 24-Dec-10 23:22:52

Thanks for all the good wishes - it's really helping. Feel a bit calmer now so am going to try and get some sleep. Roll on 2011...

(ps changed my nickname to something that reminds me of Mum)

changeforthebetter Fri 24-Dec-10 23:24:34

Really sorry - only went through this once and not at Christmas. Grieve your loss - you have a right to do that. xx

MainlyMaynie Fri 24-Dec-10 23:34:30

How awful for you to be going through this at this time of year, it's bad enough at any time. And it can't be easy being in your late Mum's house. It's impossible to believe it now, but the emotional pain does get better, though I don't think it ever goes away. But you will get through this.

I'd probably go home if I were you, but as someone else said, see how you feel in the morning. I spent a few days lying on the sofa watching undemanding TV and eating toast.

Take care of yourself.

Tikkabillajive Fri 24-Dec-10 23:47:05

Have a good sleep Hadrian, and be really super kind to yourself tomorrow, whether you stay or go home. Wishing you strength to get through this sad time.

spilttheteaagain Sat 25-Dec-10 08:55:01

Thinking of you this morning. I'm so sorry you are going through this xx

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