MC at 23 weeks...

[rhiannon134]

Had my 20 week sca a few weeks ago and baby seemed fine apart from being slightly small so I was booked for another scan last tuesday. i wasn't worried as the same happened a few months ago with my sister and everything was fine. Tuesday's scan showed baby had not grown and amniotic fluid had practically all gone. They explained that the outcome was poor and my options were to wait it out or terminate now. They sent me home to think about it, all Tuesday night I couldn't sleep as baby was constantly kicking but Wednesday I went to see my midwife and talk i tout with her. We went back to hospital yesterday and there was no heatbeat. Baby had made the decision for us, I'd had a feeling that had happened and to be honest I was relieved as it meant we did not have to make any decisions. Now I have to be induced boxing day. I have already told the midwive that I don't want to see the baby or have any service, (if before wednesday when I'm 24 weeks then we avoid having to register a stillbirth) I'm finding the best way to cope is not thinking of it as a person, this may sound really heartless but I already have 3 kids and I think this was just Fate's way of telling me I should have stopped at 3. All my other pregnancies were easy and my 3 kids are wonderful, healthy and bright. People are finding it odd that I am so practical about it all as they are expecting me to be an emotional wreck... I wonder if I am being heartless? All through this pregnancy I have not felt connected to the baby at all, I couldn't get excited about choosing names and I kept forgetting I was even pregnant... I wonder if maybe I knew it would never actually happen.

We are still having Christmas, with all the family over and I am cooking for 10 tomorrow. This is good for me as it keeps me busy and stops me thinking about the next stage, which for me will be the hardest. The idea of going through labour, all that pain, when there's no baby at the end just seems impossible.

I'm not sure why I am posting this just wanted to write down my feelings, but if anyone who's been through similar wants to share then feel free. I would like to hear from people who've had to be induced following a miscarriage as this aspect is really freaking me out...

[hohohohobnobsaremyfave]

i'm so sorry you are going through this Rhiannon. I haven't experienced anything similar but I know that there are some lovely Mumsnetters on the bereavement thread who may be able to help. It might be worth reposting there . I wish I could help but I am sending my love and can really understand the needing to keep busy.

[spilttheteaagain]

Rhiannon I'm so sorry to read this. My daughter was born in October at 20 weeks, after an induced labour. We found out at the 20 week scan that she had died.

From the point of view of the induction mine was very straightforward and not at all frightening. I was given an oral tablet to ripen the cervix. Then we went home. After 36 hours we went back to hospital (they said come back in 24-36 hours). We were given a lovely midwife and a private room with 2 beds in so DH could stay the whole time - do ask for this. The MW did an internal examination to check how the cervix was (soft I imagine and maybe a bit shorter). Then she inserted 4 pessaries up next to the cervix. I'd never had a smear or an internal before so I can only describe it as weird and uncomfortable, but it was quick and not painful.

The pessaries went in at 11am. I think it was about an hour before I started getting a heavy periody pain feeling. After about another hour I started contracting, roughly every 1.5 mins from the off. The pain got stronger over the next half an hour and I asked for pain relief. I had an injection of morphine in my hip/bum. After about another 20 mins my waters (with blood) went. Contractions then completely stopped. 20 mins later I felt a weird sensation of something falling down inside me, and my baby just slipped out with the tiniest of pushes. She was only the size of a 14-15 weeker, though had lived to about 19 weeks, so yours will be bigger. You can ask the MW how big your baby is before labour if it helps you to prepare - they will have done measurements at your scans. From pessaries to delivery was only 3h20mins for me.

I had a managed third stage and the placenta came out intact with very little effort. One thing I do know is that it is relatively common in early deliveries like this to have difficulty getting the placenta out. Some MNers have described having to get upright and push quite hard. If it is retained they will do an EPRC which is a very quick operation, there are many folks on here who would be able to say what that is like if it helps you to know as much as possible.

Something else to be aware of is your milk may come in, mine did. If you would find this distressing then you can ask for tablets to suppress it. I left mine just come, it actually helped me emotionally I think.

I found I was very calm and practical for a few days and then completely fell apart. I think it was shock initially keeping me going.

Obviously it's entirely your choice but I would urge to reconsider seeing your baby. I posted before my delivery and asked whether people in this situation had seen their babies or not and whether that had been right/helpful for them. The majority of people said they had seen and held their babies and were glad of it. Some didn't get the chance, or said no initially because they were afraid/it was too soon and have found that very painful as the months go on. And some did chose not to see their babies and were comfortable with it, but they seemed to be the minority. If you don't want to see your baby at the time, maybe consider asking the hospital to do hand/foot prints and take some pictures. You don't have to look at these, but at least you would have them in case you ever did.

One last thing too (before I shut up, I promise!), I don't know if you work or not, but if you deliver after 24 weeks you can take maternity leave which maybe helpful in giving you some time and space to recover. If it's before 24 weeks you will be on sick leave until you return. Just something to bear in mind.

AS I said, I'm so so sorry to read about this, I hope some of what I've shared is useful. If you have questions please do ask them, or if in time you want to have a rant/vent/cry/grieve please do keep posting, there's lots of us who've been there sadly.

All the very best to you in this terrible time x

[AxisofEvil]

I am so sorry. If you do decide not to see the baby then I would echo the point of having the hospital take photos so you have the option to see them later should you choose.

[TheNextMrsClaus]

I think you are being very brave; there is no law saying you have to fall apart, everyone copes in different ways.

I hope you get through Christmas Day OK, and the induction goes quickly for you.

[Minione]

I'm so so sorry that you are going through this. my son was stillborn in June at 30 weeks, he was my first child. I didnt see Malachy, I had planned to but just couldn't. I do regret this and not a day goes by when I think about him and that I should have seen him. Dh did and this comforts me a little. I had a lot of morphine to get me through the birth and I don't know how I would have otherwise.

I don't really know what else to say to you and tbh nothing will help at the moment but sending you lots of love. You are being really strong and brave, but you have to do that is best for you x

[Lynli]

I am so sorry this is happening to you.

I completely understand how you feel. I was 2 days short of 24 weeks when I lost my baby.
I had the option to treat her as a MC and not a still birth.

I felt like you that I did not want to see her or have any ceremony. I think it is quite normal to not want to face it.

I did regret this and at a later date had a memorial put up at the crematorium.

I hope your 3 DCs are coping with this, hopefully they are too young to understand.

Best wishes to you and yours.

[rhiannon134]

Thanks everyone. Off to the hospital now for the first part of the induction.

Children went to their Auntie and Uncle's after dinner yesterday, to stay as long as we need them to as we don't know when I'll go into labour.

[spilttheteaagain]

Thinking of you. Hope everything has gone as well and smoothly as could be hoped and that you are home now or soon.

Take care x

[giraffesCantDanceOnAllThisSnow]

Thinking of you x

[hadrian]

Thinking of you too...hope everything went OK and you're comfortable at home. What a lot of pain there is in the world but thank goodness for your 3 DCs and family. Wishing you all the very best as you get through these difficult days x

[Pinkchampagne]

So sorry you are going through this. Thinking of you.

[littlewish]

So sorry this has happened. I understand how you feel as I have been here too

Thinking of you.x