Supporting DW post mc

[chippy47]

2 weeks since an erpc. Both prepared for hormone mentalness and she is doing really well but most days there is some sort of temporary breakdown. I suppose Christmas does not help as it can be an emotional time and am hopefully being there for her but in all honestly she is feeling the loss so much more than I am - but I always thought that would be the case. I am feeling it too but in a vastly different way (not really qualified to comment tbh). Both looking forward to xmas with 2 DS but this is hard to deal with.
Not sure why i posted or what to expect -just any similar experiences/advice etc.
tia

[winterwombatland]

Hi chippy - have seen your earlier posts and thought it v kind of you to seek out advice / support but didn't post before as there were lots of others who had.

What I can offer at this stage is that I feel so much better now some 5 and a bit weeks post ERPC - I was still VERY up and down 2 weeks afterwards and odd things would catch me out. It does take a while and xmas would make it harder. It is different for you chaps (not any easier or harder, just different). At first, I only wanted to talk to DH about it but gradually, hard as it was, I found it hugely beneficial to speak to others. Mumsnet support has been amazing. If she hasn't already, your DW might want to join us on a thread we're on under "Conception" - here is the link www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1084714-TTC-after-MC-ERPC-anyone-want-to-join-me - we're not all TTC, but have all had MCs and it's truly very helpful to share experiences with other women who can totally understand the ups and downs that go with it.

Good luck Chippy and wishing you and your family a restful Christmas

[kat2504]

The first two weeks hormones are still all over the place. I stillhad a positive pregnancy test until two weeks after so her body is still adjusting, which is hard to deal with alongside the grief. The best thing is still to be a sympathetic shoulder to cry on at this stage. In a few weeks time it will be better. Obviously you will both still be sad about it but the raw initial stage may be behind her.
You sound like you are being really fantastic at this horrible time for you both.

[chippy47]

Thank you.

[MummyAbroad]

I found this website very very helpful for both information about the physical and emotional aspect.

//www.pregnacyloss.info

also the miscarriage association has leaflets online which deal with any aspect of mc you could imagine. (issues in the workplace, telling the family etc)

The worst thing about mc for me was that every single person around me expected me to be over it in about 2 weeks. No one could understand why I was crying and sad months later. Being allowed to grieve by those around you is very important.

These phrases really helped a lot "you have lost something very precious to you, its only natural you will feel sad"
"sadness/anger/guilt is a normal response to grief"
"its ok to grieve" "no one expects you to get over this immediately, take your time"

My due date has been and gone now and I do feel "over it" - time is as they say the great healer.

best of luck to you and your wife.