can anyone offer advice on how to cope with waiting for the m/c to happen

[katherine2008]

Hi,

Had a private scan yesterday at 11 weeks, due to bleeding, and we could find no heart beat and little mite looked like he had stopped growing at six weeks. I am now waiting for the bleeding to develop into m/c and would welcome any advice as to how to cope with the waiting. I just want it over now, and some closure, so we can crack on and celebrate xmas with my adorable dd aged 2.

Thank you.

[OctaviaOstrichJollster]

hi katherine I posted on your other thread.
But to add to that, if you want to definitely pursue the natural route, you could try seeing an acupuncturist to "get things moving"?

FWIW I MC nat with MMC2, awaiting an ERPC slot; scan at 11w showed 9w mite, and I MC at 12+1. With MMC3, I saw at scan at 12w that mite was only 10+1; I gave it a week to MC nat, but had to then have ERPC as was moving house and needed it all to be over.
Maybe what you could do is pick a date (say 21st) and book an ERPC for then, and hope to MC nat in the meantime IYSWIM?

Hope all works out for you.

[Greeninkmama]

Katherine, I just stayed really close to home and looked after myself - basically I cancelled everything. I work from home so it was relatively easy for me to do that. I took the natural route twice - the first time bleeding started within a few days; the second I had to wait two weeks, and then the bleeding lasted for another two weeks (which felt quite gruelling). If you want it over and done with, then a ERPC is the only way really. There were lots of positive aspects about taking the natural route, I found, but I did opt for an ERPC when it happened for a third time. (NB I did have two DCs in between MCs). All the very best to you.

[katherine2008]

thank you for your kind messages. Obviously I'd like it all over by Christmas, so will speak to EPU (I guess?) to discuss further. Actually further advice - I have an EPU scan booked for Tuesday - should I go along anyway, as I'd like to get on the system in case I don't MC naturally. I feel much more positive than I could ever have imagined, I just want it over and done with now. You are all very brave btw..

Thank you.

[katherine2008]

p.s. are there pros and cons of having an D&C - for future pregancy etc?

[winterwombatland]

Hi Katherine2008 and very sorry to read about your loss. I'm not sure that I can offer much advice in terms of how to cope other than what I did. The first MC happened quite early at aound 6 weeks and that was natural and just like a normal period, but spotting went on a little longer. The 2nd MC was a missed MC and we found out at 10 week scan that the mite was only around 7 weeks and no HB. We were then offered the option of waiting to let it happen naturally or an ERPC. We thought about it for about half a day and realised the wait would be too hard to endure. In fact, I had to wait a week for the ERPC anyway and I carried on "as normal" that week, went to work etc. but really, looking back now, I was so unproductive and distracted, but it did help to have some sort of routine. I know that I couldn't have waited any longer and so would echo Octavia's earlier advice re: booking the ERPC in and then it may happen naturally anyway. There is also the option of having a medically managed MC which I didn't have the option of (I'm not in the UK and they don't allow the medicine here) but there is quite a bit of advice on other threads here on mn about it. I think even if it had been available, I would have gone for the ERPC as you may have to have it anyway with a natural or medically managed MC.

Regarding your question about your appointment with the EPU, I would recommend you go anyway as I think it's always useful to speak to a health care professional.

Regarding the pros and cons, I found the following very reassuring that another MNer shared. There was a major mc study called the MIST trial which looked at the risks of all three mc treatment methods. They then followed up patients to look at subsequent fertility. I am not a HCP so have no expert knowledge myself, but as you will see here they say they found there was no difference in subsequent fertility between the ERPC group and the natural mc group. You have to register on the website first, but it's free.

Thinking of you lots at this difficult time and sending lots of warm wishes.

[katherine2008]

Thank you so much, your message and kind words are gratefully received.

[OctaviaOstrichJollster]

defo would go to the EPU to get in the system, and explore the ERPC option. Haven't done medically managed personally but have read little anecdotally to persuade me to choose it if I have the situation again.

There's some discussion about whether an ERPC is more disruptive to your cycle "messing with nature" and all that. IME my cycle went back to normal length more quickly after the nat MC BUT I was also having acupuncture then (and not TTC for 3 months), which wasn't the case with after both ERPCs; so in my head I feel the nat MC got things back to normal quicker...?

BUT having said that everyone's experience/body is different so it's hard to gauge. People conceive again after all versions; good luck x

[katherine2008]

Booked in for an ERPC on Thursday morning - so glad to have an end date in sight. Poor DH getting his head bitten off on a regular basis... hopefully the hormones will settle down in time for a peaceful Christmas. Wishing everyone who has been kind enough to respond and think of me a happy Christmas and let's hope 2011 brings us all we wish for.

[LAF77]

dear katherine i hope that you are recovering from your ERPC and are not in too much pain.

[katherine2008]

Thank you so much - feel just fine - little teary but overwhelming relief that it's all over now. And scaring poor dh with talk of trying to conceive again, poor chap.

I shall be getting accupuncture - a brilliant idea Octavia - thank you for reminding me.

Happy Christmas all and one.

[KTDace]

I hope you are ok after your ERPC too. xxx

[blueshinyxmasbauble]

katherine so sorry to hear your news. I was you two years ago (second MMC confirmed 22/12/08, ERPC 1/1/09). I had acupuncture and fell pg on my third cycle with my now almost one DS2.

Having had a natural mc and a ERPC (both at 8 weeks), I found the ERPC a less awful experience, both horrendous and sad but ERPC over and done ITKWIM and hormones returned to normal much quicker.

Good luck with ttc, it will happen!

[katherine2008]

thank you bauble, it gives me great strength and hope to hear your story.