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Silent miscarriage, feel normal.

(13 Posts)
Hulla Tue 30-Nov-10 18:00:05

I went to epu today for a scan after some bleeding on Sunday. The sonographer said I am measuring 6 weeks but I am certain of my dates and believe that I am nearer 7+2/7+3. There was no heartbeat.

I have to go back on Monday in case a heartbeat develops (though she said the sac was empty so how can a heart beat develop?) but I am fairly sure that it's over.

I was upset at the time but held it together and now that I'm home I feel fine. To the point where I think I could go back to work tomorrow. I'm quite surprised, I thought I would be inconsolable but I'm about the strongest person so far - everyone else is crying and I just feel bad for making them cry.

Am I in shock or am I just dealing with this much better than I expected? The pregnancy was planned and very much wanted, I just didn't expect to be so calm.

hairyfairylights Tue 30-Nov-10 18:10:54

So sorry. I have had the same thing happen recently. I didnt cry at first. We all deal with things differently. Make sure you look after yourself.

Hulla Wed 01-Dec-10 07:23:29

Thanks hairyfairylights. I've been awake all night thinking about it so perhaps I'm not taking it in my stride really. I'm kind of glad, I felt terrible about feeling nothing.

Sorry you've been through the same too & thanks again for posting.

spilttheteaagain Wed 01-Dec-10 08:10:09

Hulla I am so sorry you are going through this. How are you feeling this morning?

It's quite normal to be calm with shock and it to hit you a bit later. I lost my first in October and was utterly numb and calm and behaved totally normally for about 24 hours. Then I started gibbering, crying and panicking about what happened next (it was a late loss and I was induced to deliver DD). I didn't cry about the loss for about 3 days and you are right, it feels terrible.

I would recommend taking some time out of work so you can be in a safe place to cry and rage when you need to. It might happen quite suddenly that you feel the intense grief.

Look after yourself x

Hulla Wed 01-Dec-10 08:42:14

Hello spilttheteaagain thanks for replying. I am
So sorry for your loss, that sounds like something amazingly difficult to go through.

I feel crap today. I panicking about what happens next. I keep feel cramps and discharge and I'm too scared to check if it's more bleeding. I am scared of losing it and being upset and I'm scared of having to go through whatever needs to happen for this to end properly.

My morning sickness has pretty much gone although I was nauseous yesterday afternoon. It feels nice to not feel sick but then I remember why and I feel dreadful for thinking not feeling sick is a positive.

I decided not to go to work today, they don't expect me there so there's no rush. I think I'm going to call my MIL and SIL and tell them and then switch my phone off for the day.

How are you now?

spilttheteaagain Wed 01-Dec-10 09:20:58

I'm ok today thanks.

A good call not to go to work.

I think the guidance for this sort of thing is to go to A&E if:
-you can't cope with the pain
-you are bleeding through more than 1 pad an hour
-you are frightened by it

Put a pad in now and at least then you don't need to worry about leaking as well (don't use a tampon, they can be an infection risk if you are MC).

I'm so sorry for you, it's a terrible thing to happen. I completely understand the fear, suspense and upset. I felt very fragile. Do you have anyone you can phone to be with you?

Hulla Wed 01-Dec-10 09:37:02

DH has just called to say he's taken the day off to be here. He's in a new job and I'm worried they'll not be sympathetic and discipline him but he said he doesn't care.

The nurse gave me a letter yesterday which I've not read yet so maybe I should see what that says.

Thank you for the tips, I didn't know any of that. x

spilttheteaagain Wed 01-Dec-10 10:36:57

Glad he's coming home to you, I hope lots of hugs help a bit. Take care, all the very best to you both xx

CuppaTeaJanice Wed 01-Dec-10 13:22:48

Hi Hulla,

Not everybody feels emotionally distraught after an early MC. I pretty much came to terms with it in the scan room, in fact it was a relief to know one way or the other after bleeding and worrying for several days. Disappointing obviously, but in the same way that you would be disappointed if you were buying a house and the sale fell through, rather than devastating like I should imagine a later miscarriage or worse would be.

The physical side can be tough, though, so it's good that your DH will be there for you. Spilt has given you good tips. If you do need to have an ERPC, don't worry, it's a very simple and safe procedure.

But hopefully this won't be necessary and maybe everything will be ok. The worst bit is being in limbo, not knowing what is going on, and on the one hand thinking maybe there is a chance or the docs wouldn't have suggested a second scan, but also knowing a positive result is unlikely.

Mumsnet is great for support at times like this, keep talking on here and you'll get through this, whatever happens.


Hulla Thu 02-Dec-10 08:43:57

Thanks spilttheteaagain and CuppaTeaJanice. DH is hanging onto the mixed up dates theory. Nothing new to update you with, I hate the waiting though.

I'll pop back after Mondays scan and let you know what's happening x

Alibobster Thu 02-Dec-10 10:12:08

Hulla I am very sorry to hear your news, but don't think it's wrong to feel ok.

I had a six week scan yesterday and it doesn't look like its going to be good news. I to have to go back in a week to get another scan to see if theres any change although the dr doesn't think its likely.

This wil be my 4th miscarriage and while yesterday i thought my world was ending, today I'm feeling ok. I've been the same with previous miscarriages, I always recovered emotionally pretty quickly and always felt terribly guilty that I was able to carry on pretty much as normal. Dn't get me wrong I still have my moments but on the whole I'm ok. I'm glad your lovely DH is there for you and I hope you get on ok on Monday.

There is no right or wrong way to feel at this horrible time, you just do what you've got to do to get through it xxx

Hulla Thu 02-Dec-10 11:01:18

Thanks Alibobster I am so sorry to hear that you're in a similar situation. I think I'm scared of it hitting me emotionally. I always felt like something wasn't right this time (I have a dd who is almost 2) so maybe that's why I'm not as fragile as I thought.

Did you know each time that you wanted to try again? I keep thinking perhaps I'm ok with one dc. I've no urge to get pg very quickly.

Alibobster Thu 02-Dec-10 17:02:27

After last time Hulla I said I wasn't trying agin, but I was just angry and upset. Whilst I hate going through this pain I can't imagine deciding to not try again. I will keep trying until docs tell me otherwise x

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