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What would you do? Pls help

(256 Posts)
Beesok Tue 02-Nov-10 10:20:29

Hi everyone, it is really painful for me to join this thread but I am really confused and need some help/advice.

I just found out yesterday that I have a blighted ovum (it's my first pregnancy and I am 6+2 weeks). The doctor said she can see a sac but no yolk sac or fetus and expects me to miscarry within next few weeks. She told me all my options but I felt like she suggested to wait it out to happen naturally.

Obviously I am extremely upset and yesterday after talking to my hubby we decided to let things happen naturally. Today I woke up with minor period like cramps but still no bleeding (I haven't had a single drop of blood since my last period in September).
After reading on the Internet I saw that it took some women weeks to miscarry naturally...I am scared of my emotional state if I wait for weeks and weeks (won't be able to move on until it happens) am just seeking advice from people who went through this? Did you wait or is it better to get a D&C?

BTW The doctore is def off in timing my pregnancy - the report said I am 8 weeks but there is no way that can be true (otherwise I would have been on my period and pregnant!) I am not more than 6 weeks +/- few days....not sure if that means I'll have to wait longer for it to happen...

Thanks in advance for your help

KTDace Tue 02-Nov-10 10:28:45

I am so sorry for your loss.

I can only tell you what has happened to me.

I have had 2 MCs, one at 9 weeks when I started bleeding spontaneously, and one at 12 weeks where I found out at 10 weeks that the baby had died between 8-10 weeks. It took me 10 days to actually start to miscarry.

The only person I know who has had a blighted ovum opted for the ERPC. I think that was because after a few weeks she hadn't started to bleed and like you wanted it over.

When I found out about my 2nd MC (which was a MMC because I hadn't bleed spontaneously) the doctor told me to go with my instinct as to how I wanted to handle it. I wasn't ready to lose that pregnancy which is why I wanted to go naturally, to give me time to digest IYSWIM. Also, I suppose I was desperately hoping they were wrong as it had only been a couple of weeks since I had seen a heartbeat on the screen.

I think you should do what ever you need to get you through this hard time.

Take care x

LunaticFringe Tue 02-Nov-10 10:32:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rosieposey Tue 02-Nov-10 10:40:31

Same sort of thing happened to me. I was told at 6.5 weeks and i opted to wait for it to happen naturally - it did eventually but i was only two days off being 12 weeks. I went for a scan at 11 weeks and they told me the sac was continuing to grow (although there was obviously nothing in there) due to the hormones (i also had all those extra weeks of feeling knackered and sore boobs but with nothing on the end of it iyswim).

From experience i would never put myself throught that again, tbh no-one knows when it will actually happen, could be days could be weeks (think there are also plenty of ladies on here who will tell you it happened quite quickly for them) its up to you. If you feel strongly about getting on with things and it will affect you really badly if you have to wait a while then you perhaps might consider a medical option but the choice really is yours.

Im so sorry this is happening to you, its horrible i know. I am ttc again and have had a chemical pregnancy this cycle (where you find out you are pg a few days before AF is due but get AF anyway usually a bit late so its a very early miscarriage) I was so glad to start bleeding this morning as it meant i wouldnt have to wait and could get on with TTC again which quite frankly is the only thing that got me through it. Having to wait such a long time on that last ms was bloody awful

I really hope you are ok and decide to do what is best for you, just take it one day at a time and be good to yourself xx

Beesok Tue 02-Nov-10 11:11:53

Thanks guys I really appreciate your help!

I am torn as what to do so decided will give myself a few days just to sleep on it - sometimes, when I have a problem that actually helps. You just know at some point. And based on my calculations my period would be due this weekend so hopefully things will move one way or the other.

I am really sorry to hear about your losses. When the doctor was doing the u/s and told me what she could see (or rather not see) I just couldn't believe it, it was surreal. I am generally a worrying person but this was so unexpected!

It doesn't help when I stumble across all those websites with misdiagnosed miscarriages (yes, I do have a very tilted uterus). I am trying to be rational and not start dreaming about miracles etc but I think that is the real reason I want to wait for at least 2 weeks. That and the idea of a "procedure" just freak me out

knackered76 Tue 02-Nov-10 18:29:58

So sorry you're having to make this decision When I was diagnosed with a mmc at 10 weeks I opted for surgical removal as I couldn't bear the thought of 'feeling' pregnant when I knew I wasn't. The procedure was fine and went well. I'd never had a general before so was really anxious but honestly just felt like something cold going up my arm and then I woke up to tea and biscuits!

Give yourself a few days to think about it and take huge care of yourself, it's a horrible time

Tezbean Tue 02-Nov-10 18:33:01

Hi Bessok

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm telling you what happened to me as it might help you make a decision.

I started bleeding 4 weeks ago at 10+5. I got a scan and they said it was too small for the dates. They wouldn't let me have an ERPC as they said I'd have to have the miscarriage confirmed by a second scan a week later.

The week's wait was horrible as the bleeding got worse and I had really painful cramps.

The second scan confirmed the miscarriage but said there was some remaining tissue. I again asked for an ERPC but they said there was too little tissue so I'd just have to let things happen naturally.

I continued bleeding and then got an infection so had to have antibiotics.

After 4 weeks of bleeding I went back to the hospital as my GP had run out of ideas. They scanned me again and decided I did need an ERPC after all.

I had it today and it was fine.

Just thought you ought to me warned that you may end up having to have an ERPC anyway and if you are anything like me, the sooner you can move on the better.

Beesok Tue 02-Nov-10 21:05:58

Thanks knackered and taz, the doctor made an appointment in 2 weeks, she said to come back if I have no bleeding or heavy bleeding which doesn't stop. I think I can just about bear 2 weeks so decided that if nothing happens by then will go in get it checked and make the decision then. I was/am scared of risks associated with the procedure and the risk of damage to my uterus (I know statistically it's a small risk but I am scared) and the effect this may have on future pregnancies.

On the other hand, I agree with you that the sooner you move on the better and having to deal with the emotions only to wait for the physical part is hard.

I would like to try again as soon as I can so hoping all this will be done by christmas so I can start the new year "fresh"

Thanks again for your support I appreciate you sharing your stories with me, it must be painful to even think about it. I will keep you posted!

Beesok Tue 02-Nov-10 21:11:30

sorry meant tez

good night ladies

rosieposey Tue 02-Nov-10 21:15:07

Beesok I think you are right about 'the sooner you move on the better' waiting for it to all come to a conclusion is awful and if you can possibly bear a two week wait then thats a good decision for you, hopefully it will all come to a natural conclusion very soon for you anyway - again im so sorry you are going through this.

Really hope that the new year brings good news for you, i am sure it will xxx

Canella Tue 02-Nov-10 21:21:02

Hi beesok!sorry ur having to go through this. I also had a blighted ovum pregnancy a few years ago - think i was about 7 weeks when i was scanned. I chose to have medical management of it which is where they give u tablets which causes you to expel the sac. I had to spend a day in hospital
And had some cramping but it was really manageable. I obviously upset when they told me but i felt like i got over it really quickly since there was no chance that it would ever have been a viable pregnancy and i just wanted it out so i could move on with our lives. I finally got the all clear in september and i was pregnant again by the end of january to dc2 whose now 6!!

Hope you manage to make a decision as to what to do!

Beesok Wed 03-Nov-10 13:19:18

thanks rosie and canella

Just got my appointment letter in the post - Nov 15. I guess I will wait and see what happens until then. At least I have a date and will try to forget about until the 15th (not sure how I'll manage that - maybe I should tidy up my closet

My hubby has been really nice - he's trying to get me to plan a vacation for december (we had cancelled travel plans because of the baby) and he is planning lots of stuff for the weekend - I am trying to do all my crying when he's not around so that I can be a little more cheerful with him, it just breaks my heart even more when I see him upset

Sparklywine Wed 03-Nov-10 14:28:46

beesock just wanted to add my sympathy and support. I had a blighted ovum (my post asking for advice is on the site), we found out at our 12 week scan nearly 4 weeks ago now. Like you say, it is utterly surreal at first, we expected to see a little lifeform wriggling around and there was nothing there, awful. I'd have been around 13 weeks at that stage, and had no signs of bleeding. I was given the options and felt quite strongly that I'd like things to happen naturally, so I'd sit it out. However, did a lot of research on here and it seemed that this far along, if nothing had happened already then it wasn't going to. I made a back-up appointment for an erpc a week on, and was glad I did as I waited a week with nothing happening, but a continued bloated feeling and emotionally a lot of turmoil. I was numb for a couple of days (actually went into work after the scan confused) but then very teary and regretful. I'd like to reassure you that, for me anyway, the erpc was fine. Emotionally it was sad, of course, but little discomfort, and I bled lightly for around 10 days afterwards. Had lots of tea and biscuits (and far too much wine blush), worked through the sadness and then the anger, and now feel much better in myself and am ready to try again (which brings with it a whole host of other questions, but that's for another post!). Perhaps I was too blase about the potential risks to the operation itself but they seemed remote, and actually in my case my body wasn't letting go of the pregnancy so I had no choice, I'd got to 14 weeks without any sign of it happening naturally. Having said that, during my research on here I did read a lot of posts where nature did take its course, so if you feel strong enough then sit it out. You did mention you wouldn't be able to move on until something happens though, so bear in mind it could be another few weeks and whether you can deal with that emotionally; part of my decision was based on the fact that frankly I felt rather pissed off that my body had tricked me for 12 weeks and it seemed almost a waste of part of the year, and now I've got to go through it all again, with double the worry. Be kind to yourself and each other, and take as much time off work as you need, I went back too soon out of a weird sense of obligation and spent the whole time being utterly useless, on MN searching for hope and advice, so had to use some holidays last week to really get my head together. Take care x

Beesok Wed 03-Nov-10 19:22:00

Thanks sparkly it helps to read other's experiences although I feel sorry you had to go through it too and hope that we never ever have to experience this again.

I think that appointment on the 15th gave me some "structure" - at least I am giving it a chance to happen and 2 weeks is enough I guess to wait so I will insist on a last scan (I might go private if they refuse) just to make sure and then will make a decision on the operation. My hubby is coming with me this time.
I was silly enough to tell him no need to come as it's just a check up scan and we probably won't see anythinh but then really wished he was there I think he feels a bit guilty as well

I am going back to work on Friday (it's usually a quiet day at work) and will see how it goes, if it's absolutely unbearable I'll have the weekend to rest and see if I am ready to go back on Monday (I work in a children's centre virtually surrounded by pregnant women, babies and children so it won't be easy

Star82 Wed 03-Nov-10 22:08:17

Hi Beesok. I'm off the June board same as you. I had my scan today which showed me to be 6+1 rather than 7+3 and no heartbeat. They tried to suggest i'm not as far as i thought but i know that isn't the case. I tested positive on Oct 7th so if i were 6+1, i would have conceived 2 days before my positive test result which is impossible really.
Because i have no cramping/bleeding they wont refer me to EPU and have actually said i must wait until dec 11th for another scan. I think it's shocking to be honest. Sounds awful, but if it's gone, i sort of just want it dealt with asap as feel stuck in limbo at the moment.
I have a private scan sat so i'm hoping that that may give me some confirmation that i could go to the GP with.
I've had 2 normal pregnancies so i'm in unknown territory here. I have no idea if i'm best waiting it out or having an ERPC. I have no idea how much blood to expect or anything and feel quite scared about the whole process.
Just thought i'd let you know i'm in a very similar predicament so thinking of you

Beesok Wed 03-Nov-10 22:27:10

Oh no Star I am so sorry that is awful I am so so so sorry to hear that you are going through the same thing.
It's weird, I thought I felt better today at some point I sort of "forgot" about it then it hit me - I'm pregnant, no wait not really "pregnant" just waiting to miscarry. Surreal and sh***ty. Then I see that woman with the baby, and I feel no jealousy or hatred just extreme sadness that I just sort of lost that

I am shocked that they are going to make you wait for sooo long? That's weird? Did they give a reason - that is 5 weeks!!! My doctor scheduled my appt for the 15th of Nov, it;s not in the scanning unit more of a check up but I decided that it will be my deadline, if they don't agree to scan me I will pay for one last one just to be 100% of what's going on and I will get the procedure, I couldn't bare to wait that long. Are they sure it's safe? Isn't there a risk of infection?
I'm sorry I don't mean to worry or scare you as I have no clue about all this either but my doctor didn't give me lots of details just gave me my "options".
Like you I have had zero cramping and bleeding.

My thoughts are with you, I know how hard it is. This forum really helped me and talking about it with someone going through was important to me. Take some time for yourself but try to do something to keep yourself busy. I am off work until tomorrow but force myself to get up, shower and get errands done or just go get a coffee - it's silly but helps. Otherwise I drive myself crazy with the thinking.
How is your partner/husband coping? Did you tell anyone?

Just wanted you to know am here if you need to chat x
take care of yourself xxxxxx

Beesok Wed 03-Nov-10 22:36:04

BTW star just read your posts on the june board. I know this may sound silly but you can try to get referred to the EPU through A&E. I mean if they are being stubborn and the scan on Saturday doesn't show anything I think you need to be scanned in another week or so.

In my case, I had a sharp pain in my lower abdomen and went to A&E, it was late so they referred me for a scan next morning (my condition wasn't unstable). I know this may sound ridiculous and if Saturday doesn't turn out to be conclusive that is one way of getting a scan. I personally wouldn't wait for that long

Star82 Wed 03-Nov-10 22:46:33

I know i just feel....weird!!
It's because i don't fit in to any of their avenues for admittance to the EPU. I'm not bleeding and not cramping. I could lie and then they would, but that feels wrong.
Also they are saying because it's measuring only 6 weeks, that it may develop normally still and im behind what i thought i was. The sonographer knows what i'm saying and understands but she's got her hands tied because when they look at the facts they want to treat it like i'm 6+1 and just wait. Obviously had the baby developed further, another week, and there was no heartbeat, i think they would have started the ball rolling.
Even my mother thinks that it may still be ok. I've told her conception would have taken place 2 days before i tested positive and me and DH didn't have sex for at least a week before i tested. Really it looks impossible when you look at the facts.

I think i'm dealing with it better than DH who's struggling a little. He didn't really want to go to the scan on saturday and see it again but now says he will. It's awkward as he'll be working afterwards and his job is performance related. If he's upset it could badly affect work. It's all so complicated what to do for the best.

We told parents and siblings and a couple of friends. I've let them know today what's happened. I think everyone's just really sad. The eldest is school age but i have the youngest when shes not in nursery to keep me occupied. I don't know how people go through this again and again. It has put me off trying again for number 3 ever so slightly. I sort of feel that i have my two and should be grateful for that.

I'm going to buy some pads in preparation tomorrow i think

Keep me updated with how you get on.

xxxx

Star82 Wed 03-Nov-10 22:48:15

That may just be an option i keep up my sleeve. DH's doctor at work can often 'push' things through so may get him to have a word tomorrow. Thanks

Beesok Wed 03-Nov-10 23:06:15

Star you know what at least your doctors are being a bit more reasonable and having the let's wait and see.

The more I think about it now I feel like my doctor wasn't taking in the facts. Regardless how this all ends - in the report it said I was 8 weeks there is no way that's true otherwise I would conceived while i was on my period!
Because of my thyroid I got tested for HCG on Sept 11 and it was negative, if I was 8 weeks on Monday then I would have conceived on the 6th. According to my calculations I was 6+1 or 6+2 max on the day of the scan.

The only thing that is not allowing me to raise my hopes up is that she couldn't see a yolk sac which I heard is pretty obvious even at 6 weeks. But my gestational sac diameter corresponds exactly to 6+1 weeks not the 8 she thought I was so now I am wondering whether she is basing my scan diagnosis on the wrong dates Also I have a tilted uterus which, I read, in some cases may make scans less accurate in the first trimester.

Which is part of the reason I want to wait 2 weeks to rescan just in case - it will put my mind to rest either way.

Good luck with your scan on Saturday! Keep me posted!
And yeah it's nice to have the little ones' support I am kind of looking forward to work (I am a nursery teacher) and kids can actually be quite nice to have around when you're upset even if it's because you lost one yourself confused

Beesok Wed 03-Nov-10 23:11:45

My hubby wasn't with me on Monday coz I told him it's just routine....well certainly wasn't expecting to burst into tears on those "stirrups"
Needless to say he's coming on the 15th! He dashed out of the office so fast when he heard the news that his boss got worried

I guess it's harder for them. Well, you guys have children so he def must have stronger feelings, mine never went through a pregnancy before and I think he was trying to mentally detach himself since we found out precisely for this reason. I think he's hurting but trying to move on and cheer me up..

Star82 Thu 04-Nov-10 09:18:51

Just had a look and if you were 8 weeks on monday, you would have conceived on the 20th September if you work back, with week 2 being conception. Remember you are already classed as being 2 weeks pregnant the day you conceive. If you were 6+1 on the scan, that would put conception around Oct 3rd. Why are the hospital so adament you are 8 weeks?
What is the difference between the yolk sac and the gestational sac?
I think you need the re scan just so you know for sure. That's why i'll have one next week and if no growth then i know what needs to be done.
DH is normally quite detatched from this stuff as he doesn't really see it as a baby yet normally. I think he was just so excited and a lot of our plans had to change around this one so we'd started looking into lots of things quite early on.
To be honest i feel like i may just go on my own on saturday. I feel i'd rather do that but we'll see....

Beesok Thu 04-Nov-10 09:38:05

Star getting a bit confused now but yes it seems that I am right, when I tested positive on Oct 2 (quite a faint one) I had an appt with an endocrinologist on the same day (which is why I tested early to make sure he knew if I was pregnant). And he said wow you must only be around 2 weeks along. So yes that would make me 6 weeks on the day of my scan.

I am going to try to wait 2 weeks (if I can bear it!!) and def rescan before I make any decision. Not trying to keep my hopes up but def do not want to be pressured into anything so soon.

I hear you - I am actually thinking of just getting a private scan at the end of next week by myself. I feel like my hubby is trying not to think too hard about the possibility of a misdiagnosis to avoid going through the same roller coaster again.
It really doesn't help when you read about women who found their babies to be OK at a rescan at 8,9 or even 10 weeks! It's making me really upset that my doctor didn't even for a second say oh we may off with the dates as it is quite early and I do have solid facts to support my conception date

Good luck on Saturday! I will be thinking of you Keep me posted!

Star82 Thu 04-Nov-10 10:08:00

Yes your doc did seem a bit hasty to assume the worst. To put it bluntly, the last thing you want is to be rushed into a d&c when the pregnancy may turn out to be quite normal. We just need a magic ball......

Beesok Thu 04-Nov-10 12:38:27

I know, I am actually quite strong and now feeling a little better about this whole thing....I am just the kind of person who would like to know, this whole limbo phase is driving me nuts I can handle the bad news but not the uncertainty!

yes, a magic ball would come in very handy right now grin

Keeping fingers crossed for you!!

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