Miscarriage after 14 weeks. Can anyone give me any advice?

[leosmummy19]

I wondered if any of you could help me?

We lost our little baby at 14 weeks last Friday. I went into labour and was rushed to hospital where they found the baby had no heartbeat. It took me 8 1/2 hours to deliver our little baby (the hospital experience was appalling and we shall be complaining) and I am feeling totally bereft.

I understand that nature has a way of dealing with things. I cannot get my head around the fact that 2 days before we had an in depth scan showing the baby to be absolutely fine, jumping and somersaulting about. I have a beautiful 3 year old already but developed pre-eclampsia with him, at 27 weeks, and was in and out of hospital until he was delivered at 4lb 13 ozs at 36 weeks.So my placenta was deteriorating in my first pregnancy.

The consultant has told me that my placenta this time did not develop properly, and the scan showed a much reduced blood flow to my uterus, indicating that had the pregnancy progressed further, I would definately have developed pre-eclampsia again. I only had 20% of the normal Hcg in my blood so the placenta was never going to be able to grow the baby to full term. We would really like to try again but I am so very worried that the same thing will happen again. We are waiting for the results of a postmortem to confirm everything, but my GP and consultant say to get "right to it" but I know I will be worried sick.

I guess I am asking if anyone else has had this happen to them, or is it a case of me having too much information to worry about, and it may have just been a fluke and freak of nature and nothing to stress about? This pregnancy was very painful from the word go, I was VERY sick and felt dreadful, and I didn't feel that I "connected" with this baby like I did with my first. I just knew he was a boy from the beginning, and I couldn't "see" with this one. I feel so terrible for thinking this and saying it out loud as I loved our little baby so much and am devasted that we have lost it, but could this have been a sign?

I'm so sorry for waffling and ranting. Everything is so raw and we were given no support at the hospital. Not a leaflet or phone number in sight. My GP, who has had 2 miscarriages herself, gave me this website address and it feels better to know I am not alone.I feel guilty, and sad and angry and lost and understand that there may not be answers to my questions. Thank you for allowing me to share.

Big hugs, Ali x

PS I'm 38

[inmypants]

I'm sorry I can't help with anything similar to your experience - I had a m/c 9 weeks and an appalling catalogue of errors at the hospital during it ( although this was not in this country) so I can feel for you purely on the basis of going through an utterly awful thing with little/no support before or after other than my DH ( and no friends or family either as we had just moved as expats)

So it is still early days for you and I would take a little time to let it all sink in and look after yourself to allow you to recover. you will still have a lot of hormones going through you which can take quite sometime to settle so this is likely to make everything feel a lot worse. ( I know it is worse iykwim)

I hope someone can come along and offer some more helpful comments on a more advanced m/c.

[inmypants]

Sorry also wanted to add that whilst the preg was much sought after I too felt awful, bad sickness and possibly a bit of ante-natal depression, I really had mixed feelings which obv after the m/c left me feeling incredibly guilty to add to everything else....

[leosmummy19]

Thank you so much and I'm so sorry for your loss. It really helps knowing that others have been through this too, but I would never wish this on anyone. Nature can be so cruel. You're right, the hormones are still raging and I can't see clearly right now, but it really helped venting my spleen. I hope all turns out well for you in the future......Ali x

[Ineedmorechocolatenow]

No advice, just so sorry for your loss

[MummyAbroad]

I'm so sorry for your loss and the way you have been treated in hospital.

My experience was also different from yours so I cant answer many of your questions but I did get a lot of help from this site:

pregnancyloss.info/

especially in dealing with the emotional side of things.

I am also abroad so I have no personal experience of this, but I have seen so many women talk about support given by the miscarriage association. Perhaps they can answers some of your medical questions if none of us can.

I can totally relate to you when you said that you "didnt connect" with this pregnancy. I felt like that too, probably because I was worried about the impact the pregnancy was having on my DS and because I felt so ill. Please remember that guilt is a very natural response to grief and loss, and it will take some time to work through all these feelings. It really is "better out than in" so dont feel "terrible" for saying how you feel.

keep posting if it helps,

big hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[KTRace]

I am so very sorry for your loss xx

[Creative79]

I too had a mc last week. I thought I was 18 weeks, but infact our baby had died at 15 weeks. I had no bleeding and no sign to worry, but like you I knew. I had a routine appointment with the midwife and she said all was well and wished me luck with our 20wk scan.

I have a 3yr old beautiful son and this pregnancy felt so different, I too didn't feel in tune with this pregnancy. I felt completely as one with my son, but this was so different. I voiced my concerns to the midwife, who put my feelings down to being a busy mum. However she did try and listen to the heartbeat but there was non. A scan at the hospital later that day confirmed our baby had died and I returned two days later to deliver it.

The hospital treatment was ok, but the aftercare has been non existent. I have been told that they will write in 6-8 weeks with an appointment for a postnatal checkup and will do bloodtests on both my husband and myself. I hope that they will also have checked the placenta and give me some feedback.

I feel at a loss. How can you have one perfectly 'normal' pregnancy and healthy baby and your second go so wrong? I have been through my diary to see what I was doing that week, and have been asking myself so many questions. I have a range of emotions, today has been very much anger that this could have happened. I just can't get my head around it.

Thank you so much for sharing your feelings, particularly about the lack of connection you felt with this pregnancy, this has been a comfort knowing that others have felt this too. Perhaps it's natures way of letting us know, I hope so, but it doesn't take the pain away. xx (I'm 30)