im pretty worried about what to do and why this happened..

[butterfly87]

I'm 23, and wanted my first chid before or when I was 25. I had my scan monday to see an empty sack, they didn't really explain anything... handed me leaflets that said I have 3 options and said have a few days to think...
I should have been 11-15 weeks pregnant by now but being a empty sack means there wasn't a baby! or was a baby but its been absorbed? they said the sack is the size of 12 weeks but why had my body developed it that far?
A week ago me n my boyfriend fell out he doesn't deal with my emotions at all and rarely comforts me (i have severe migranes that really change my mood etc) so I left with a few things to go and spend some time with my sister. The weird thing is my sister lives 80 miles away, there is 18 month age gap and our periods are 2 days appart :/ when i found out I was pregnant she had also late 5 weeks for her period and still hadn't come on when I came to see her 6 weeks later... 3 days after I got there we both started getting period pains (all her tests were neg, and blood was neg) she came on her period and I started to feel not pregnant. I stopped eating as much and stopped being sick and felt quite well appart from the pains. I thought this was normal as I had no bleeding but at 11/13 weeks you start to calm down and levels start to even out. a few days later I was booked for my first scan so whent home. they did 2 scans one external and then a internal then gave me the bad news. My boyfriend is trying to help he's busy with work and I think he struggles with emotions and doesn't know what to do or say to me. Lucky i was really excited about the baby as it was planned so told my parents and grandparents so I have their full support :) But why has my body developed the sack to this stage? Still its 5 days after my scan and still no bleeding just very mild period pain. how long will I have to wait for it to happen naturally? Work have tld me Im not allowed in for another 6 weeks to give myself time - which is nice but I doubt my doctor will sign me off that long, even with being hospitalised with migranes they give me a week and thats not long enough.
If anyone can shed some light I'd be so greatfull everytime I ask they just offer me DnC and the tablets.. but I hate hospitals and the forced method can make it worse and 1 in 100 will need a blood transfusion as I bleed alot anyway I don't see this as a viable option...
Sorry to bumble on I'm just at a loss and I feel like im loosing this battle :(

[Iggi999]

Hi Butterfly, you are having an awful time aren't you? I hope someone else can answer your specific questions, but bear in mind mc will throw up loads of questions for you that you might simply never find answers to. Its too soon to feel you have to have eprc if you don't want one (personally I mc 10 days after scan) but there have been loads of threads on here from people who found the eprc a
good/better option. I understand you just want to fix everything, so if you can't have your baby you at least want to know all the answers and recover successfully. It will take time, you won't always feel as bad as you do today - but it is so bloody unfair.

[Iggi999]

Hi Butterfly, you are having an awful time aren't you? I hope someone else can answer your specific questions, but bear in mind mc will throw up loads of questions for you that you might simply never find answers to. Its too soon to feel you have to have eprc if you don't want one (personally I mc 10 days after scan) but there have been loads of threads on here from people who found the eprc a
good/better option. I understand you just want to fix everything, so if you can't have your baby you at least want to know all the answers and recover successfully. It will take time, you won't always feel as bad as you do today - but it is so bloody unfair.

[butterfly87]

I want to wait my nan had a problem where she didn't MC at all and waited 8 weeks untill it was really bad and rushed to hospital, I want to wait but the pregnancy unit that was dealing with it was ment to call at 1pm, its nearly 4 and no phone call :'(
I'm not sure what length of time is safest to wait, my scan showed bleeding but litrually thats all she said not even the amount, she looked at my overies and looked worried. My doctor has had no news from the scan and is trying to chase it all up, but like me shes getting nowhere :(
Id like to wait but worried the amount of pain will be unbearable..

[Grainger]

It sounds like you've had a missed miscarriage (it's also known as a blighted ovum). I had one in December 07 with my first pregnancy.

I had thought I was 10 weeks but the baby/sac had stopped growing at 6 weeks and the first I knew about it was a very sudden stoppage of pregnancy symptoms and some light brown blood.

I was in bits. I was so angry with my body and myself for every little thing I might have done wrong. I was greatful that I found out when I did though, as my sister had the same thing happen to her years before but like you she found out at her scan. I had been told to come back for a d&c but I started bleeding heavily the next day, whereas my sister needed the procedure done. If your body doesn't start to expel the foetus in the next day or so, I would go for a d&c on Monday if I were you.

My 2nd pregnancy was fine and I now have an 18 month old boy, but I had another miscarriage in June this year. I didn't react as badly to that one as I knew I could carry a baby to full term and I consoled myself with the thought that it hadn't been properly formed in some way and so wouldn't have survived regardless. I was only about 6 weeks when I miscarried, but it started in exactly the same way as last time.

I also think I had been expecting it. I felt I was due another one as my sister had 2 and a vanishing twin, and my mum had at least 2. My other sister has never had any, but she is a different build to us and I think it's just our bodies. Some women are prone to them.

I now suspect I'm pregnant for the 4th time, but keep getting negative results. I don't know how I'll take it if I miscarry this time.

[butterfly87]

my sister has neg results for 11 weeks, then all of a sudden her body worked the womans body is a weird and wonderfull thing i guess...
I feel so horrible like I don't have my bf supporting me and him and his father keep saying I'm needy. Its making me feel like crying, and wanting a hug from him is being OTT and I sould just get on, but I really can't. I'll wait another week, my period pains have got a bit stronger feels like someone is pinching and twisting my tummy.. then stops for a few minutes then does it again.

ahhhh good luck with trying for a 2nd baby, I've now realized miscarrages are really 'normal' if thats how to put it.
Nurse has called and said I can wait 2/3 weeks as the baby didn't actually develop and i can have another scan in 2 weeks if I haven't miscarried to see if the scaks getting bigger or if my body is sorting its self out, she said on my scan it shows 3 patches of brusing or blood so thinks in 2 weeks it will happen naturally but waiting longer than 3 weeks is traumattic.
I'm so sorry for everyones loss I thought it was hard when my nan died but this is horiffic. I hope everyone has understanding and loving partners and they help them through it - just wish mine would stop listening to his idiot father n just hug me every now n then without me having to go to him first...
Sorry to rant on, I hope in a few years I can look back at this all and just say it was a life experiance and hopefully this will change the way I look at life and not want something so badly..

[kat2504]

So sorry to hear about what has happened to you. I know it is very confusing and hard to understand. I had never heard of missed misscarriage/blighted ovum until it happened to me. I had a private scan at 8 weeks which, frankly did not look good but persuaded myself dates were out. I saw an embryo with a not-very-great heartbeat. Two weeks later there was nothing to see but my body had grown the sac to ten weeks size. The embryo shrinks back into the lining I think, but because you still have hormones, your body grows the sac a few weeks more. My symptoms stopped by 8 weeks and I pretty much knew it was doomed.

As for your boyfriend, men sometimes deal with things by ignoring it and occupying themselves with work. It doesn't help you of course! It is a hard thing for a man to lose a baby too. I was upset all the more when my boyfriend did not cry at all on the day we learned our pregnancy had ended. I could not understand how he was not grieving like me.He was trying to "be strong" for me, actually it would have helped me more to see some weakness for a while, both of us together, but he felt he had to look after me. I had no idea what he was thinking at that time.

[butterfly87]

Feeling alot better in myself, left the house for the first time in 8 days and that was only to see my doctor as she wanted to check my astmah :/
feeling less and less pregnant every day and finding I have no cravings or sickness, Early pregnancy want to do a second scan to see whats happening as they said they can't let me wait longer than 2/3 weeks to MC as its too stressfull.. I'm going on holiday on the 7th as my best friend is home from Afgan so thats one good thing to look forward to - he tried to tell me its God's way of saying go and get drunk in the Army pub with all my friends. which made me smile for a few seconds...
I'm going to opt for the ERPC next monday as I'd like to be with my friends who survived Afgan and not be worried it will happen while I'm on camp etc. I think thats the last thing I want my friends to have to deal with tho I know they are hugly supportive and loving but want to have fun as I haven't seen some of them for a year :(
Thank-you ladies for all your support I find it hard to trust my nurse or doctor as they just say things from a medical pont of view. I hope all you have healthy happy children in the future and for now I think I will go and look after friends kids as it seems a bit easier for now. My friend had 4 MC and she has given me strength to carry on, another has ovarian cancer and can't have children she has been so supportive and said even tho she can't have kids she's going to try as no one should say never :) just gotta wait and see what happens...

[KTRace]

butterfly87 -I am so sorry this is happening to you, I think the ERPC is a good idea, I decided to MC naturally and 2 weeks since it started I am wishing that I hadn't as it would be all over by now, the clots and pain bit anyway. I wish you all the best for your future - enjoy going out with your friends. Take care xx

[butterfly87]

I did wait in the end. I wish I hadn't the stupid book they gave me said if you bleed excessivly or have clots to call the 24 hour gyne line!! SO I did, lost about half a pint of blood, threw up and fainted. as the book said you shouldn't clot or loose too much partner panicked. NO one said it was normal and I was told to go to A+E, called my doctor and he said not to bother with A+E as all they will do is give me codiene!! IS there really no help for people going through this? I saw the early pregnancy team for a scan, told them Im dizzy and Im fainting, I can't sit down without crying because of the pain and they took my body temp and said I was fine and said in 5 days I can go back to work! Im still heavily bleeding after 2 weeks and can't sit down, to add insult Im supposed to be going back to work in the new baby unit in a nursery, Im not mentally ready to go back! I know my nan said you have to grin and bear it but I feel like there is no support for women :(
Anyone also having trouble with 'after care' ?