I hope someone can help me,
I had a miscarriage on Monday at exactly 17 weeks.
I'm 39 and riddled with fibroids and was told by my GP I had no chance of conceiving until they were removed.
But I proved her wrong and fell pregnant in April.
My pregnancy was fraught with complications from 10 weeks including one of my fibroids degenerating and prolonged periods of bleeding including passing clots.
But a scan during each episode indicated my Viking Warrior (my pet name him for him/her) appeared to be winning the battle.
I was readmitted into hospital with bleeding on Saturday night but my cervix was closed and a scan showed he/ she was fine but because the bleeding didn't show much signs of subsiding I was booked in to the EPU for a scan on Monday morning.
About an hour before the scan was due I felt a little constipated but could stil feel the baby moving.
I eventually felt I may be able to make a movement but instead I gave birth my angel on the toilet seat.
The doctors and nurses were as shocked as me as he/she seemed to be doing fine.
I said goodbye to him/her yesterday and they were formed so perfectly and looked just like their dad when he's asleep.
He/she had my long arms and long slender fingers.
I made the decision to say goodbye because I didn't want my last image to be of it lying in it's sac in a toilet bowl.
I will find out the sex after a post mortem takes place and plan to name a stat after he/she.
But, How on earth do I move on from this.
To make matters worse there are relatives and friends in my partner and I's social circle who have just given birth or are expecting (all for the first time) including his sister who's just had a gorgeous baby boy.
I'm sorry this message is so long but I just can't see my partner and I ever getting over this.
I'm sure there's someone out there who unfortunately been through a similar ordeal and I would love to know how they eventually found the light at the end of the tunnel.
Thank you so much for reading this I really appreciate it.
Lorraine
About an hour before I could still feel the baby moving but felt a little constipat
Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.
Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
I lost my miracle baby on Monday at 17 weeks
Lollysunshine · 11/08/2010 06:10
I lost my 1st baby at 22 weeks. I had had signs that things weren't right which were missed by my GP. I was admitted to the labour ward and told by the doc that I would probably loose her in the next 3-4 days. I had to just wait and watch it go wrong.
22 weeks is too young to be able to survive, so I knew that there was no chance. The midwives kept on checking her heart beat and it was fine. I felt so sad because I knew it made no difference.
Finally, on day 5, I wanted to go for a poo, and snook out of my hospital room (husband was in there with me asleep it was about 05.00) I was on the loo and I just felt the baby coming out. I really panicked, and kind of pushed it back in. I went out into the corridor and screamed and the MW came and took me back to the room. When they examined me, they couldn`t see the baby and said it must have been a poo. 
Anyway, a couple of hours later, I did give birth to her, and she lived for over an hour. Sadly I was unaware of this. The midwife ran out of the room when I was giving birth because she was upset. She was sent home. I had discussed with her what I wanted to happen when I gave birth and because they said the baby would be dead, I asked if she could be taken away until I was ready to go and see her. When I gve birth they were stood holding the baby and i said take it away, thinking it would be dead as I had been told. She was alive in the next room and I didn't know.
We were reasured that she was held by a MW.
I did go and see her later, and actually felt proud, she was lovely. I will never forget the feeling though when I kissed her and she was cold, it was awful.
The Post mortem showed that she was perfect, I had an infection in my womb which caused me to go into labour.
That was 5 years ago. I can honestly say that I am now "over" it. It was very hard, but my husband was fantastic and so supportive. It was very hard initially, but it does slowly get better. It was a few months ago, I was thinking about her (Emma) and I just realised that I was healed. I will always love her, and I feel she is part of our family, but the pain is now bearable.
I now have a 3 year old daughter and a 1 year old son, and I am 35 weeks pregnant with another girl. Wait for your post mortem results, and if there is a chance that you can get pregnant again, go for it. It won't take the pain away or replace your baby, but it will really help.
very sorry for your loss. I am having my third mc at the moment 
I just wanted to add that you should feel happy for these new babies that are coming. You know how hard it is to lose a baby so a baby arriving is a joy. I know it is hard and you may feel jealous and that life is unfair but the mere fact that babies are being born everywhere to all sorts of women in all sorts of circumstance after all sorts of difficulties should give you hope of the infintate outcomes that can happen.
There was a lady on here the other day who had just given birth after 15 miscarriages. We have no other better way forward than to keep thinking positively.
Take good care of youself x
Lolly - I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Viking soldier . I too have numerous fibroids and have had several mc's (although, thankfully, all pre 12 weeks). I have subsequently gone on to have 2 dc's.
Its so difficult when other people just don't "get it" and having everyone celebrating your SIL's baby must be incredibly hard at the moment .
Take good care of each other xx
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.