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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

feeling strangely numb and not cried yet

14 replies

mslucy · 09/08/2010 20:13

hello,

I went for a scan today and found out I had miscarried.

I started bleeding just over a week ago, but had scan which showed a heartbeat.

Not that much blood (like a light period) and no pain so quite surprised to hear that I had lost it.

Just feel very blank and weird - disturbed rather than upset.

The whole pg was a total shock. I have 2 ds's already - 5 and 18 months and only conceived DS2 after IUI.

My periods did not come back until Easter as I was bfing a lot and then BANG I was pg after 3 months.

I'm 40 on Friday (13th Smile) and had planned a massive party. I cancelled this when I was bleeding and glad I don't have to pretend to be super cheerful at the weekend.

But I kind of feel weird for not actually feeling that bad. I was devastated when I had a mc before DS1 back in 2004 - sent me practically insane.

I guess the difference is that I have 2 kids and although a third would be nice, it's not essential.

I think DH is more upset than me - he's one of 3 and really wanted this baby.

Sort of waiting for a major emotional meltdown - maybe this will come when I least expect it.

All in all a totally rubbish day.

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SagacityNell · 09/08/2010 20:21

It took me a long time after my m/c. Don't force it, you will grieve when you need to x

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mumblecrumble · 09/08/2010 20:21

AM so very sorry for your massive loss. No position to advise but coudn;t readwithout offering my sympathies and hope.

However, as a mum who is currently loooonging fo a second kid don;t feel less deserving or anythng beasue you already have kids. Any loss is a loss.

How many weeks pregnant were you?

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MummyAbroad · 09/08/2010 20:38

I'm sorry for your loss too. I think you have described just how I felt for the first week or so after I found out that there was no heartbeat. My meltdown did come later, hanging around hospitals where there are lots of babies set it off for me.

I think its natures way of protecting us and helping us keep focused while we have to make decisions and deal with all the medical stuff.

Even if you are feeling super strong, you never know exactly when a massive hormonal shift might knock your emotions for six, so I think you are wise to downscale your social events.

I have a son too, and I completely agree with mumblecrumble being a mum already doesn't make you immune to feeling sad.

Take it easy and give yourself a bit of extra TLC.

xxxxxxxxx

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mslucy · 09/08/2010 23:01

I was 8 weeks pg.
Now feeling angry about it.
The emtotional rollercoaster continues.

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Pinkchampagne · 10/08/2010 09:58

I found out at my 12 week scan that my baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks, and I didn't cry at all when I found out, but had that numb feeling you describe. I remember just feeling worried about how DP was feeling at that moment in time. The next day, on the way to hospital, I reached total meltdown. I cried & cried & cried all day. Next day (day of ERPC) I seemed much stronger, and this pattern continued for some time. It seemed to hit me when I least expected it, and still can now 4 months on.

I too have two DS's (although from exh, this would have been my first with DP), but I am still struggling with it all, even now having one of my sons with a horrible vomit bug & the other being super demanding!

Give yourself time. It is such a shock to find out you have miscarried at your scan & ime the numb shocked reaction is definitely what comes first. Look after yourself.x

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teameric · 10/08/2010 10:12

mslucy I remember you posted on a thread I started about when I started bleeding, I'm so sorry for your loss.:(
I found out at my scan yesterday that I have had a MC too (this would have also been my third DC) and I am feeling exactly the same I can totally sympathize

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jerzygurl · 10/08/2010 15:03

im tripolar right now after 2 mcs...one min im singing to radio ..and i can look at other babies...but then bang ...i broken down in middle of pc world and iceland carpark and god knows where else..and over the tinyest lil things..something a pregnant ladies or because iceland didnt have my veggie burgers.
Im hoping its all normal otherwise im in trouble!!
I was numb after my first ..shock i think..it affects us all in diff ways on diff days ..day at a time hunnie..all we can do xx

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jerzygurl · 10/08/2010 15:03

sometimes a pregnant lady*

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mslucy · 10/08/2010 20:17

oh teameric I am sorry.
Feeling weird today - just a bit rubbish rather than total devastation.
Had to give a talk to some Chinese students today which I was dreading, but actually ok and made me feel better.
Off to share a bottle of wine with friend and contemplating pointless internet clothing purchases Wink
What are you doing?

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teameric · 10/08/2010 21:20

Hi mslucy, pretty much feel the same way, feel shitty, but didn't help that I had to go docs today and sit with all the pregnant ladies (antenatal check-up day and I couldn't change my appointment).
Wine and pointless clothing purchases are most definately on my to do list though!

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mslucy · 10/08/2010 23:45

wine = win.
pointless clothing purchases for tomorrow.
my 40th birthday is on Fri - got to cheer myself up somehow!

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wonderif · 11/08/2010 14:12

mslucy sorry to hear your sad news, i felt the same numb and surreal nearly, i found out 12 days ago i was 18 weeks pregnant :( and i would have had my scan this friday 13th (bad omen eh )

its so hard but it took me a while to feel upset i was angry also.

again i have 2 dc's but it doesnt make it any less real i had tried for this baby for 18 months so was dumb struck when found out.

just give yourself time it will hit you the kids r great for keeping it real but when they go to bed at nite it can be hard.

thinking of u x

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MummyAbroad · 12/08/2010 21:11

hi msLucy,

how are you doing?

(Happy Birthday)

xxxx

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teameric · 13/08/2010 09:34

msLucy Happy 40th Birthday!
Hope you are feeling better
enjoy your day x

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