Just wanted to sound out a few thoughts really. Basically, I believe that I could well have recently entered the peri-menopause (mid 40's) but informed that I am heading for earlyish menopause. I have a toddler and a teenager in the mix. It is so, so hard to determine what is causing what but lately I've been taking a long hard look at my life. I feel stuck and quite frankly depressed too. I have just made some enquiries about counselling because I need to try and unravel it all a bit but I am sure the peri is not helping. I want to feel happy again, I don't know whether it is being a full time sahm that is doing it, the fact that I never properly sorted out some childhood trauma and in my mind have underachieved and struggled to form relationships. I recently discovered that my dh had been watching occasional porn (more of the adult tv variety and not addicted etc.) I knew that things weren't good - getting up in the night to toddler etc. and I all I wanted to do was sleep at night but I also feel like my libido has died and in a way I'm hoping that it is due to fluctuating hormones and not something specifically to do with dh. But now I'm questioning everything - my dh who I thought was a wonderful man pre the porn thing, does nothing but annoy me, things that were a minor irritation before suddenly make me want to scream (obviously I don't outwardly) I can't seem to move on from it when many men do things that are a lot worse i.e. have affairs etc. I didn't know the porn thing was going on and I feel like I've got trust issues now whereas before this never existed. My self-esteem seems very low - just as I'm hitting a hormonal phase and I'm finding it very difficult to separate what is what. Saw this earlier:
DH drive me up the wall, I couldn't sleep and nothing was funny. It was wast to think our relationship was over.
Just so fed up. Counselling is a good idea and I'm glad I've finally got around to making enquiries (instead of putting everyone else first all the time). I'm constantly getting a 'is this it' feeling lately and I feel very isolated. I am also feeling guilty for perhaps wanting a bit more when I am lucky to have a dh and dcs.
Not sure what I'm expecting anyone to say. I've tried a myriad of anti-depressants and can't find one that doesn't cause horrible side effects (this seems to have changed too - I have taken them before and it's been okay). I feel like all of a sudden life has got into an awful mess - happy to be a sahm before but now regretting not having an income etc. of my own. Putting everyone else's needs first when you are feeling so blah, is extremely difficult (and of course I have to because I have a young child). I know that happiness comes from within and you can't look to others to provide it, you have to make the change yourself but right now I wish I had a few uplifting people in my life (I have no extended family) and feel like I have a bit of a hole where my personal relationships should be (probably because I am so irritable etc.) Questioning whether I have a longstanding personality disorder of some kind which is being amplified because of the peri. or I've reached the can't give a s**t bit). Blah. Can anyone relate to any of this, though I'm not sure I can make sense of it myself?
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Menopause
Perimenopause In the Mix
9 replies
morningmarigold · 23/12/2019 19:35
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