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Perimenopause and “ Sex Surge”

(97 Posts)
SpiritedLondon Wed 03-Jan-18 17:54:16

Ok so I’m not sure if I shouldn’t have name changed for this. I have been married to my DH for 12 years but we have been sexless for about 6 of those years. I would say that we have moved into the “ friends zone “ but I have generally had a low libido over that time so have felt untroubled by this. During the last couple of months I have experienced some changes in my period ( closer together and shorter) and have had low moods and irritability which I guess indicate a move towards menopause. Another pretty terrifying symptom is the massive increase in my libido - almost uncontrollable. I’ve looked online and discovered a website which refers to this as a midlife sex surge. Has anyone else experienced anything like this and come through the other side? It sounds like a good problem to have ( in comparison to no libido) but I have nowhere to put these feelings and feel to desperate and scared that I’m going to do something life destroying. Any help would be appreciated.

Zzzzzxxxzx Thu 16-May-19 13:29:25

Help 70 I wish I had your self control I met someone a few years ago and he’s just been back in touch I’m afraid I’m going to have to have him I can’t wait I can’t ignore the hidden animal inside me I need some release and he wants me all night long so let’s see if I or him can keep up

Divebar Thu 16-May-19 19:35:13

Aaahhhh I was always a fan of Doyle myself

redqueen999 Thu 16-May-19 20:16:54

Trust me Bodie in fawn coloured over tight trousers which leave absolutely nothing to the imagination brings out the phrase "comes over all unnecessary"

redqueen999 Mon 20-May-19 11:18:31

Hi Ladies, things must be getting out of hand 'cos I've got the Wasp track "Harder Faster" on repeat on youtube! (Check out the lyrics) lol

Divebar Tue 21-May-19 09:17:37


Just wondering if there’s a lady version of that song do you think? 🤔

Divebar Tue 21-May-19 09:19:11


Bloody hell im jealous. I hope it was a good night?

Zzzzzxxxzx Tue 21-May-19 11:52:15

Not till Sunday I can’t wait we had a date a few years ago. I always have a three date rule no sex until after the third date we lost touch he lost my number and set up a Facebook account just to find me so Sunday’s is the night will let you know how it went god dodnt think I would feel like a teenager at 56 but I can’t wait

4509jdb2011 Mon 24-Jun-19 16:51:58

im 51 have not had anything for 6 years and all of a sudden since the last week I have been horny and I don't know why does anyone know why.

morepleasethankyou Mon 24-Jun-19 19:21:33

@4509jdb2011 my own theory is that it's because my progesterone and estrogen levels are so low that testosterone has become the dominant hormone. I swear literally NO ONE but us is talking about this! I, too, was 51 when it started. It's been almost a year now and it's significantly subsided but I can still get aroused all too easily. I mentioned it to my gynecologist only because I thought I might have a brain tumor or adrenal gland tumor or something else and her jaw dropped. She offered no explanation. She's been my doctor for almost 30 years, and Harvard trained. Delivered all 3 babies. All those years I cried to her about not wanting anything to do with sex and she told me I just needed to relax...... I KNEW it was a bio-chemical thing. I just knew it.

redqueen999 Mon 01-Jul-19 09:06:12

I'm finally going to mention this situation to my doctor when I see her for my HRT review 'cos LoveHoney is making an absolute fortune out of me! It's not just the usual stuff either this feeling has you wanting to try items that you would never have considered in the past! Some stuff I didn't even know existed! lol

Nolahot Wed 03-Jul-19 17:55:37

Thank you thank you ladies. I've always been a little on the horny side and felt my husband wasn't in sync. we were in a technically sexless marriage (sex maybe 3 times a year) but a few months ago I started needing more and bought a vibrator and dildo. Well, not sure why I did, but I suggested to my husband that we spend the night at a hotel and we had sex for hours. More than we've had in 28 years cumulatively I think. And we've had sex or messed around every night since. AND, i'm 51 and went and got a brazilian yesterday. OMG, he ate me out and I can not stop thinking of it. Anyway, I spent one day sexting other guys (telling my husband about it) and realized that I'd rather have sex with the person that I really love as long as he's willing. BUT, I am having a partial hysterectomy this month and am concerned that this desire will go away. I don't want it to ever go away. We've been closer since this started than we have ever been. We pondered briefly about what our marriage would have been like if we had had more frequent sex and decided we would have been a lot happier. But no time like the present, right? Oh and I want a sex couch too, but I still have a 12 year old and a 15 year old at home. I think we're going to try some pillows..

redqueen999 Wed 24-Jul-19 07:12:33

Well Ladies have met a guy online through a certain website (not naming due to privacy) will be meeting for breakfast in 2 hours! I've been single for 24 years due to a very violent marriage and now due to this surge in my hormones I may have finally found someone! I have a drawer full of raunchy black underwear and a box full of weird and wonderful sex toys.I feel like a million dollars I've lost 3 stone and 3 dress sizes so here's hoping this feeling lasts! xxx

Help70 Wed 24-Jul-19 14:27:12


I havent had a hysterectomy but my sister has. She told me ot made her crave for sex. I've heard it from several women that they wanted more sex after the hysterectomy. But not everyone is the same. What is a sex couch?

Charity68 Sat 27-Jul-19 06:05:12

Joining thread way late 🙄

Oh wow, I thought it was just me! I’m 50 and never had much sex in the last 10years. Suddenly I’ve had more this last year than in my whole 25 years of marriage. Just want it all the time, I mean all the time. Gets too much hubby knocks me back lol 😂.
Plus I’ve never owned so many sex toys in all my life, I want to try everything ☺️☺️☺️

Adult children are still at home too 🙄. I can’t wait for them to go out for the day / night before I jump him hahahaha. Continuously asking them if they are going out lol. I think there are suspicious now 🤭

I’m doing a degree at Uni and just sit there at times thinking about when I’m going to get some 😂

Charity68 Sat 27-Jul-19 06:41:18

Omg Nola, sounds exactly like me and my marriage 🤭, but loving the sex now, and the toys!!! Go us 👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽

Ironprincess433 Tue 06-Aug-19 04:08:17

Well I'm glad I found this post. I am 47 and a half lol and I just started this surge what the heck I dont know what to do either its crazy!! I been married for 30 years my husband has been talking about a divorce but I dont want to miss out on the fun by dating if I'm hitting my prime! Plus it's not fair cause i went through his with him when he was 18 yrs old ! I feel lucky Haha but serious how long does this last? I started with the hot flashes in my mid 30s feeling like my skin was crawling too. Then the past 2 to 3 years only had a period every 10 months. I havent had a period since November so it's either my period ithat s maybe coming, my ovaries are spitting out the last few eggs or this is just a transition to menopsuse idk. I was in the hospital a few months back and they tested my hgc I was there for an asthma attack and my hgc was elevated slightly. I saw the gyn cause my husband had a vasectomy 19 yrs ago and I was scared maybe it grew back together his tubes but I saw the procedure I was 8 months pregnant then and the dr cut a section out he tied them and burned the ends so no way possible. The hospital had me all freaked out cause it was like at 11 normal is less then 5 confirmed pregnancy is 25 so the test said it was uncertain i might of just conceived 0.2 -14 days whatever .2 of a day is lol. The gyn laughed and said I was fine but to be on the safe side to wanted to recheck it 2 months later. I should of went in June and had it tested. It's almost like when u are at that sweet spot in pregnancy but on steriods Haha. Please do tell how long does this last??? Its been only a few days to maybe a week since this started!! Last thing I need is my husband thinking someone else is turning me on like I'm cheating since he is talking a divorce or that I continue this way and he thinks it will make me cheat!! He is still very jealous he talks all this divorce stuff it's been a year and half he hasn't moved out all our kids our out of the house

666onmyhead Tue 20-Aug-19 09:01:02

Just found this ( was looking about itchy legs symptoms, but this seemed interesting ) spoke to DH and asked if he'd noticed a change in our relationship over the years he was very pleased to tell me 'no change darling, you have always been up for it ' and who said romance was dead!

Fifs50 Tue 20-Aug-19 15:14:46

Oh goodness this thread has made me laugh and feel part of a new sex mad sisterhood. Things are so bad for me in this sex addict phase I´have been going through for the last year, that I signed up to the AM site last night and was chatting within minutes to a youngster of 36 looking for a meet-up. I woke up at 5am in a sudden panic stressing about blackmail or people in my area seeing my photo and so I crept downstairs to delete my profile and all messages. I mean you coudn´t make this stuff up. The extra surge did happen to me in both pregnancies but this is such a constant that I feel like a bitch on heat emitting lots of pheromones and I think men can sense it too as I am getting lots of attention and definitely have some of my son´s friends flirting madly with me. It´s all good fantasy fodder but one of the friends and I have had a few heavy flirtatious sessions and discussed his sex life such that if he made a move I´d probably act on it. Fortunately he doesnt live in the same country so I can hopefully control my inner perv. I have been happily married for 35 years to a gorgeous guy who is a fantastic lover. He´s enjoying the change in frequency and overall it has been a real blessing in my life having this last flush of youth. Long may it last.

pennow Mon 26-Aug-19 15:23:47

Finding this post might have just have saved my sanity if not my marriage. I'm 53 and had my 3rd Miena removed 3years ago. No periods since. I have been to the gp a couple of times since to have my FSH level checked but each time they have said I'm not menopausal. I think I am getting other symptoms, sweats, forgetfulness and mood swings but the sex thing is over whelming. Unfortunately as others have said my marriage has never been very sexual maybe 6-8 times a year. In December as I started this obsession with sex my DH informed me that he does not see sex as something he needs anymore. Although he we still have sex he tends to lie back and let it happen which is not what I'm wanting or needing. When I have a spoken with friends they all express that they wish their partners would leave them in peace. I thought I was having some kind of mid life crisis. I am worried that I will look elsewhere for what I'm missing especially as I have chatted on line with an old friend a couple of times. Reading these posts has made me feel more normal, although still not sure what I'm going to do.

redqueen999 Tue 27-Aug-19 13:07:11

Well ladies, I did speak to my Doctor and she says this is definitely hormone related! Her husband is the lawyer for LoveHoney no less lol.
I've had this surge for 6 months and I am having a ball. I have gone from frumpy uninterested in sex; only food, to sexting 5 different men. I now have a man who literally worships me and guys flirt outrageously with me in shops! lol I guess it will come to an end at some point so I fully intend to get as much as I can when I can. Having been a domestic abuse survivor and cancer I would like to think I deserve to grab it with both hands lol!

NormaLouiseBates Thu 19-Sep-19 14:14:20

Late to this one but am so glad I found this thread. I don't know what's come over me in the last couple of weeks but I have gone completely rampant. I'm 45 and suspect the menopause isn't far away as my periods have started to become irregular. H and I have always had an adventurous sex life but this is now off the scale. I literally can't stop thinking about it all day and night. I'm watching porn FFS - something that I have never done or had any interest in my whole life. My house is like something from "How Clean is your House?" because I'm too busy on Fetlife or Love Honey looking at toys and underwear. H thinks all his birthdays and Christmases have come at once but I think he is actually looking forward to my period week so he can have a bit of a rest!

I'm absolutely loving it if I'm honest and really hope it doesn't go away!

So glad to read it's not just me.

Freakingout73 Thu 10-Oct-19 23:18:47

I’m so glad I did a bit of searching and found this. It’s kicked in this last week and I wondered what the hell was going on 😆 Glad I’m not the only one.

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