friends wo't talk about menopause

[stuckin90s]

Whenever I bring up menopause problems with friends or relatives my age or older, they cut me off and go silent or change the subject, it makes me feel so isolated.Do others have this experience.

[GretchenFranklin]

yes! completely weird. It must be Really Bad.

[MadameCholetsDirtySecret]

I think some people can't face the reality of aging and loss of fertility. It is a huge change in a woman's life and with all changes some cope one way, others another.

[stuckin90s]

I know, we all go through it, so understand, but then I've always been an over sharer😀XXX

[stuckin90s]

I suppose Madame, my husband had a vasectomy when my teens were babies , so I suppose I grieved that that bridge had been burned in my early thirties🙂.

[stuckin90s]

And frankly after 18 years of bringing up children, any maternal feelings around babies are gone, I'm done!!🙂

[PollyPerky]

Possibly it's because a lot of women don't seek help for it, are conflicted ( have symptoms but are worried about treatments like HRT) and have issues that are related to meno- like vaginal dryness, bladder problems etc and they are embarrassed to discuss.

[Goldfishjane]

I think there's meant to be a programme on BBC tonight but I bet they'll change it for some election stuff.

I've got some friends around that age who have had a terrible time getting the doctor to do anything about their problems - now they eventually have had proper treatment they seem like different people.

[PollyPerky]

I think there is an ageism thing about it. In western society , elderly and mature women (and men) are not valued as they are in eaten society, so the focus is on youth and fertility. To admit you are post menopause is to 'admit' you are no longer fertile and there is a social stigma around this in society.
Also, in the past, women did tend to take up knitting and have quite narrow lives once they reached their 50s and 60s, if they were in a traditional homemaking role. If we accept that women can be vibrant, healthy and important contributors to society well into their 60s 70s and 80s, not releasing an egg each month should become less important!

[PollyPerky]

eaten? Heck no. Eastern!

[stuckin90s]

Yes , I see what you mean polly. I think there is still a stigma, a nurse practioner actually looked really flustered and embarrassed when I mentioned lack of libido, but I thought she would be ok about me mentioning it because she was about 50.

[DevelopingDetritus]

They don't mind discussions at my works about it, we've not covered vagina dryness or lack of libido though, might be a step too far. Shame the nurse was embarrassed though.

[brassbrass]

how odd my friends and I are entering the peri menopausal stage and comparing the slight changes we're all noticing in our cycles etc

Are your tribe generally prudish?

[PollyPerky]

Sounds like it was too close to home for her stuck!

[Bluntness100]

I have the opposite problem, one of my friends won't stop talking about it, she is fairly through it and early fifties, I'm 47 and not yet going through it and she acts like I'm lying about it, if I say my periods are stable when she raises it she gives me this "yeah yeah" look. It is really annoying. If I was going though it I would say, but I'm not, it's crazy,

[picklemepopcorn]

I knew so little about it, and missed a lot of problems which could have been related to it. I think it is really important to talk about it.

Thing is, it's been dismissed as 'women going batty' for years in sitcoms. No one wants to buy into that. At the same time the physical and emotional symptoms can be enormous, let alone the practicalities of an erratic cycle. We really could do with talking about it. It feels a bit 'unfeminist' though, to admit to being forgetful, lacking energy, and somewhat less reliable than I used to be because of hormones!

[Bluebell28]

I found no stigma amongst much older women. .they were like "we are free to cuddle and then hand babies back"..I heard negative things from younger women who assumed that only pre menopausal women have loving physical relationships

[stuckin90s]

Hi sorry been busy, am mid cycle so full of energy at the moment. The hardest thing I've found about the menopause is the crashing fatigue,I read about it, but don't hear people talk about it. I wonder too if it's a feminist issue, and perhaps we feel we have to be full of energy and vitality all the time.

My mum retired early at 50 with arthritis, because she had a physical job looking after young children.I now think it might have been menopause related because she was just post menopause, and I remembered she used to go for a sleep every afternoon.

She struggled to have my baby to look after for more than a couple of hours at the time, and seems to have more energy now.

[stuckin90s]

hehe Polly!, just realised what you said about being too close to home!😀

[terrylene]

Goldfishjane - here
www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b08ndjfw

[stuckin90s]

Thanks Terry, watched it, but was kind of hoping doctors would too, but it was on quite late, which was a shame.

[terrylene]

It was quite clear about the lack of help from doctors - might be too close to home for some of them too

[PollyPerky]

I didn't watch the programme but have read reviews of it when it went out earlier and some quotes from KW.
TBH what really surprised me- and am being blunt- was how lacking in knowledge she was! She's in the media, London-based, intelligent....
She surely talked to other women? London is full of- well, there are about 3 excellent menopause consultants who are well known and easily findable if you are bothered- who are brilliant. (I see one of them.)
Help is out there! You may have to research to find names, and spent £300 or so, but surely that's better than spending months or years not knowing what the hell to do?
I know not everyone can afford private health care, but if it's the choice between a top of the tree consultant , get your hormones sorted, or a holiday- no brainer surely!
GPs are not experts.

[terrylene]

Kirsty Wark is perfectly intelligent. When she was given a full hysterectomy and hrt, in the late 1990s.

However, at the turn of the Millenium, the interim results of the Million Women Study and the Womens Health Initiative, which were startling and damning, were released to much publicity, and she, like many, many others came off hrt as they thought or were advised that it was the best thing for their health. Doctors were advised to give the smallest amount for the shortest time, with a max of 5 years, and many women have continued to struggle through menopause as best they can without any hrt for fear of it causing breast cancer. HRT has been portrayed as a final resort.

This is a documentary that explains what has happened, explores experiences, and encourages women to look after their health and that there is help there if they want it (or should be if their GP has read the new guidelines and the information for GPs from the professional bodies).

It is gentle and does not go into specific detail about hows and whys hrt prescribing etc, but it is encouraging. It is an enjoyable programme and worth a watch.

Kirsty, having the right age and the experience over this time is their presenter and does an excellent job.

[PollyPerky]

I said she was intelligent.

The most important point is that women who have had a hysterectomy only need oestrogen as part of HRT - not progestogens. Both the MW and WHI studies showed that women on estrogen-only HRT had lower incidence of breast cancer- not only compared to women on combined HRT but even compared to women not using any form of HRT.

KW should never have been taken off HRT because any good dr would have looked at the stats and her own circumstances (which included an early menopause as far as I know, triggered by surgery) and made another decision.

The MW and WHI studies have been shown to be flawed- they are now 15 years old- and new information has been around and available (online via published research) for a long time.

[terrylene]

No she should never have been taken off. But the initial results did not say this and the progestogen thing only came to light later on. IRRC the results of these studies actually pointed to women on oestrogen only hrt having a lower risk of breast cancer. There were a lot of knee jerk reactions going on. I expect she was told to stop taking it and just got on with a busy life as best she could, without having time to research the reasoning.

A friend of mine has oestrogen only hrt after hysterectomy at 35 and was told that she would have to come off it at 50. She has been paying for mammograms for herself. She has been shitting bricks because she is 50 this year and has been very happy and stable on the hrt after putting up with huge problems since before her periods started. Thankfully, because of online sites like this and Menopause Matters, I have been able to show her all the right information, so that she knows what is what and can get a referral if necessary. There is a huge amount of misinformation around out there.

I also know someone who keeps going to the doctor to ask for hrt, but gets fobbed off all the time. She has been several time to talk about menopause issues. They send her for dexa scans (she is osteopoenic) one doctor 'does not do women' and the one who does is part time and popular and did blood tests and found vit D deficiency, so now she has got to go and make an appointment and ask again - she keeps running out of steam.

I hope this programme will encourage women in similar positions to think about their health and give them the courage to find their way through the NHS obstacle courses.