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(13 Posts)
Mermaidinthesea123 Tue 04-Apr-17 21:19:06

Since I went through the menopause I simply have no soft bits at all, I am like a hedgehog.
It's amazing what lack of oestrogen does.
I'm getting divorced as I couldn't be bothered with his shit any more and want to live alone with my cats. I am happy and have lovely friends so I'm not a hate filled loner or anything grin
A male friend I haven't seen for 30 years came over, now 30 years ago I would have jumped cartwheels to have him notice me but now I am all whatevs.
After a morning of hearing about his sex life/divorce/kids and leaving my toilet seat up twice I just started getting a bit irritated.
There was a man there for the taking and all I was thinking was no thank you I think I'll have another cat.
I cannot possibly imagine ever wanting another man in my life, I find them far too self obsessed and high maintenance.
This is definitely a menopause thing, i was never like this before. It is as if all the rose tinted contact lenses in life are peeld away from your eyes and you see it all as it is. That's my experience anyway. It certainly isn't a bad thing.
Does anyone lese feel like this?
They must do as there are so many menopause divorces.

BakerBear Tue 04-Apr-17 21:40:07

I don't know if it's menopause related but I have noticed more and more women becoming intolerant of men once they hit their 50s.

Mermaidinthesea123 Tue 04-Apr-17 21:45:11

Yes definitely Baker Bear, maybe it's just age related then. It's hard to tell.

outabout Tue 04-Apr-17 21:53:08

Is it menopause or mid life crisis or both at once?
You would think that after the major hurdles were over and life could 'coast' a bit then you would, but it seems not.

PollyPerky Tue 04-Apr-17 22:24:33

I don't think it's the hormones, I think women just get more realistic as they age. The rose coloured specs come off and many women think 'Why should I put up with a man who makes a mess, is boring, has let himself go...' kind of thing.
They also realise that time is running out and it's time to LIVE a bit, with or without a newman.

Having said that there is a drive to allow women to have testosterone as well as oestrogen as part of HRT, to boost their libido if it's gone AWOL. Is mentioned in the NICE guidelines. smile

Dorje Wed 05-Apr-17 22:24:25

Absolutely can relate mermaid.
Cannot stand lazy hangers on anymore.
Don't mind telling them so.

It's a perfectly good response to shoving children /partners out of the nest and concentrating on yourself for a change.

My DH's granny gave away all her kitchen equipment as she wasn't cooking for anyone anymore. My friends mum bought a two seater sports car as she wasn't ferrying around anyone except herself. She plays golf.

I know loads of women who've bought a new bed for themselves and have moved into the spare room to have some space just for themselves.

In China the menopause is called the second spring and for me it's been like a rebirth just like that helped by hrt

I've changed career and am more than happy to step back from micro organising my family. Everyone's stepped up to organise themselves and I'm much freer to develop and follow my own interests.

I don't believe women have a mid life crisis, btw, I think we have a period of our lives nurturing and really caring for others and suddenly we want to poke them all out of the nest so we can crack on with the remaining forty years of our lives without anyone clipping our wings or cramping our style.

I find it's very liberating and not a crisis at all.

ACloudCoosHi Wed 05-Apr-17 22:26:53

Oh goodness. You have all posted pretty much exactly how I feel.

(Apart from the cats. I'm allergic to them, but would happily substitute for dogs)

PollyPerky Thu 06-Apr-17 08:21:02

I agree with you Dorje

I think there are two choices for women in their 50s. Start thinking life is over and you are past it, and resign yourself to elastic waisted trousers, or pulling yourself together to get another great 40 years. I changed career and re-trained in two different areas in my 50s at a time when many of my peers were retiring . Only work p/t as I want work-life balance and am self employed so it's all on my terms.

It's really a time to work who you are now after spending 25 years or more often putting other people first.

PollyPerky Thu 06-Apr-17 08:24:57

Oh and I don't feel the loss of interest in men per se. (Maybe HRT keeps libiod going...)

I do get that many women suddenly think they don't want the same man who they met when they were 20 or whatever. They may have changed, the man may have changed, and woman now realise they have another 30-40 years left so why put up with something that isn't making them happy. When women died in their 60s they stuck with crap relationships. Now life expectancy is higher , many women (and men) aren't willing to put up and shut up for 20 or 30 years.

Crispsheets Thu 06-Apr-17 08:28:42

This is really interesting. I divorced 2 years ago at 54 and feel like a different woman. When ds goes to university in September I'm moving 250 miles away.
A brand new life , new partner, and putting myself first. I have put other people first for 25 years.
No cat yet though .

PollyPerky Thu 06-Apr-17 08:37:49

Women have more financial independence now than they used to. There is no longer such a stigma to divorce. Women can have toy boys and be cougars if they want to. In the past, if you knew you'd die around 65 or 70, you just put up with situations. Life expectancy has changed people's behaviour.

Lunaballoon Sat 08-Apr-17 15:56:25

This thread has really stuck a chord with me too. I didn't feel the menopause as any kind of crisis either, on the contrary, I finally feel "comfortable in my own skin" which I had never felt before.

DH and I have lived more like housemates for a long time and whereas before I would have been fearful of splitting up, I can now see a future on my own as a chance to do exactly as I want without constantly having to defer to him.

Mermaidinthesea123 Sun 23-Apr-17 14:01:52

Lovely to hear all your stories and to know I am not alone in this.
Although elastic waisted trousers and Doreen bras are becoming more attractive as every day passes smile

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