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Vegan Traitor

(2 Posts)
HootOnTheBeach Wed 13-Jun-18 22:10:15

I have been vegan for close to 10 years.

Over the least few years I have gained a lot of weight and in the last 7 months I gained a further 5 kilos(!). I hate the way I look and feel and I can tell my DP finds me less attractive based on how little sex we're having and the fact that he's always turning the lights off all of a sudden. My face looks fat and if I look down at something I develop extra chins. My clothes don't fit. It's humiliating.

Out of desperation I have cashed in my ethics for my vanity and I am eating fish and green veggies for dinner. I don't really like fish but somehow I can't yet bring myself to eat chicken. Breakfast and lunch are still vegan and low-carb, with most of my carbs coming in at breakfast in whole wheat form.

I intend to see if a month of this makes a difference to my weight all else being equal. So far I notice that I am not hungry later on in the evening or even morning. In fact I don't feel like eating until after 10am. I think I could probably skip breakfast comfortably altogether if I had lunch at 12pm. I am annoyed that it's made such a difference.

Previously I kept my weight under control my running but shin splints put a stop to that. I can't run 2k without pain and difficulty walking for days afterwards. I have orthotics and physio but a year later it's not made much difference. It no longer hurts to walk, but I still can't run. The gym does bugger all for me and I am so, so frustrated. There's a long list of things I can't do at the gym for medical reasons. I had an eating disorder in my teens so close calorie counting just sets me off again and I feel ridiculous throwing up or starving myself as a grown woman with a job and bills and responsibilities.

I don't really know why I'm posting this. I suppose I need to get this off my conscience and I have no one to talk to in real life who wouldn't either be aghast or smug.

Serfisafleur Wed 13-Jun-18 22:29:06

Before reaching your final paragraph I thought to myself "eating disirder" because your anxiety about your weight and diet does very much come across.

I've been vegan, I've been a meat eater, I've been vegetarian, I'm now pescatarian.

I'd love to cut out cows millk and cheese completely but not fish. There's no "word" for that type of diet- no dairy but with fish, no meat, mostly plant based, but ethically it's still valid.

Paradoxically eating fat helps you lose weight because it stops you feeling hungry. So introducing oily fish would help you control your appetite and would benefit you health wise generally.

I wouldn't get hung up on labels and people saying "you're not a proper vegan" and all that shite.

At the end of the day if everyone just ate half as much dairy and meat the planet would be a better place.

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