South African Safari ....Oh No, I've upset my hubby. HELP !!!!!(64 Posts)
My dh really wants us to go on a 9 day trip to Safari with out 9yo dd to South Africa. He knows I don't want to do this but is convinced I'd love it. I don't want to go. He's got a luxury co. to prepare an itinerary staying in two luxury lodge resorts to tempt me BUT I really, really don't want to go. It's a lovely thought &
I'm lucky enough to have the opportunity and I feel guilty now but I am firm on the fact. I also wondering if it's a suitable holiday for a 9yo girl who won't have any peers around her to keep her company or play with ...
I'd really appreciate some thoughts or experiences on this. Am I being unreasonable ? I wouldn't push my hubby into doing something if I knew he didn't want to/ have an interest in, just because I did.
Should I feel guilty ?
Am I denying my dh & dd.
Agh ! I was expecting this to come up sooner or later ...
YANBU! You're not denying him a thing. He can go on his own.
WTF? You wouldn't push him into doing something he didn't want to do or had an interest in, so why it is acceptable for him to do that to you?
Why don't you want to? Does your daughter like animals? Is she interested in conservation and ecological complexity?
I'm thoroughly biased as would be there like a shot if anyone offered me the chance. It can be quite a lot of sitting in land rovers and keeping quiet / still so I wouldn't recommend for young children but would have thought 9 is plenty old enough. If there's some underlying reason why you both think lions and giraffes are boring or couldn't care less which insects feed off which faeces and how they build their homes then there might be something more to think about...
It's a long (and expensive) time if it turns out not to be something you and your dd enjoy. Could you do something a bit closer to home first, to get the flavour of it?
To be honest, I wouldn't take a child to South Africa, although I know plenty of people do (and obviously there are many children living in South Africa!). I was mugged at knifepoint in broad daylight in Jo'burg (many years ago).
Who cares why she doesn't want to go? She doesn't want to. And she wouldn't push her spouse into going on a holiday he didn't want to go on.
Has your dh checked dd can do safari activities? I seem to think they wouldn't take kids younger than 12 on the outings in jeeps.
And yanbu- it doesn't matter why but if you really don't want to go then its a bit much. But if you are going luxury you can sometimes do hotel type things whilst dh does safari things (I stayed in , played with dd etc).
YABU yes youre denying your dh and child an amazing opportunity.
What exactly is it you think will be awful about it? Can you not try and get into it?
I can understand not thinking its your ideal holiday, but can you suggest another holiday for next year thats more your thing and go along with this years holiday with a smile ? Or have you already thought of something else?
I have been on safari to SA several times and love it so maybe I am biased. Your DH should not force you into doing something you don't want but I think it is relevant what your reasons are as they may be able to be overcome. 9 is about the minimum age for safari and some lodges don't take till 12. It will be an amazing experience for her but you do need to think about time of year etc and whether it is rainy season etc so eg lots of insects. Do you think your DD. would benefit from it?
DH and I are counting down the days until our youngest child is old enough to go on safari!
And does your dd really need other kids around for 9 days? This falls into the 'holiday of a lifetime' category
I would go for it but if you aren't sure then why not defer for a year.
My immediate reaction is sympathy as I would hate the idea, but I do feel for your dh a bit too.
What is it he really wants to do? Go to SA? Go on safari? And what is it you dislike? Is there a compromise? Would you consider (for example) Botswana instead, a less luxury safari and taking a friend or cousin for your dd? Would he wait a couple of years - I do think 9 is quite young?
My dh tried to persuade me last Christmas with a provisional itinerary so I am cross he's persisting as he is quite clear on my feelings. Yes, he could go on his own or with a mate, I wouldn't deny him at all. He's lucky enough to have a 'boy's' skiing week every year, numerous cycling breaks abroad and lots of time away from the family working ... I don't give him any grief and am happy for him to pursue his hobbies.
We have a weekly family skiing trip every year but I don't ski (health reasons) so I hang about all day waiting for him & dd to come back to the apartment or meet them for lunch etc. It gets very boring by day 4 but I'm happy to support dh & dd as they both love skiing.
I am not averse to another type of holiday, I don't want to go to SA & I don't want to sit in a jeep waiting for a Giraffe to appear.
So, having thought about it, NO I don't think I am denying my dh at all and have decided that I AM MOST DEFINITELY NOT BEING UNREASONABLE.
If you're fine with his going on his own, then I'd have no problems with telling him 'NO'. And I wouldn't be happy with my 9-year-old going. Teenager, perhaps, but not a 9-year-old on that type of trip.
Do you ever get to choose the holiday, Tillyboo? The ski-ing thing sounds grim but tolerable in that I guess you can take books/catch up on some TV or visit nearby towns perhaps? But is this safari thing more an example of the kind of family holiday he wants to have regardless of what you want? (Am tempted to follow his lead and take DH and ds on a knitting holiday! Not!)
Hmm. I have to say my best holiday ever was Zimbabwe before Mugabe lost the plot completely. It was AMAZING! Lots of animals. So cool.
However - if its not you, its not you.
But your dh can take your DD on her own. They can have a great Dad/DD experience. If she wants to go.
But i have to say I would wait. Our DS is 11 and although we really want to take him we will wait till he is old enough to really appreciate it and remember it so probably 12 minimum. And lots of safari companies will only take children from age 12 so 9 may well be too young.
I agree expat ! My dh went as an older teenager & he said snakes and & all sorts got into his room !!!!!
Is there a risk of Malaria & are medication/ vaccinations necessary (Cape Town/ Port Elizabeth)
If it holds no interest for you, it really does not seem worthwhile. I was not the least bit interested in going to Dubai on holiday, so Dh went there alone which we were both ok with.
Safari trips can be long days. Early starts, lots of sitting in a jeep and lots of waiting around with no guarantee of animal sightings. If your DD is patient and keen on animals and understands the bigger picture that they are wild animals and will not apear on cue, then she (and even you) are in for a magical time.
I had to go with my family to places that required a lot of jabs at that age, for my father's work. Believe me, I was not happy about it. Even now, I despise hot climates full of insects and creepie crawlies that get into even 5-star hotels.
No way I'd send my 9-year-old DD. A teen, if she were really keen, sure, but not at that age, no matter how much they wanted to go.
SA is not going anywhere. It can wait.
I am not clear on why you do not want to go, and that is of course your privilege.
But I would jump at the chance. DH and I went round Botswana for 2 weeks 7 years ago, and it was our best ever holiday. We were planning to go back the folllowing year, but i got pregnant with ds.
I have done several safari holidays in my life, since I was a child, and my only comment would be to not take kids under 6/7, as they have to be able to be quiet when looking at wildlife. But I would not hesitate to take ds now, at 7/ 8, and we are already discussing when to go and whether to go to Malawi or Botswana
Well it sounds like your dh plans all the holidays, and you have no choice.
Has he ever asked what YOU want to do? Where do YOU want to go on holiday?
Seems like your left with the crumbs
Can you not plan a holiday for the family yourself? Something that you want to do and means that you are involved rather than not. he sounds a bit selfish to me. surely he has cottoned on to the fact that watching someone else ski all day is a bit like watching paint dry only not with the comforts of home and more expensive? stop the rot now or he will plan the next holiday and it will be something else you cant join in with. do you get a girls weekend away or is it all about him.
Just to clarify, my dh isn't a particularly selfish man (even though it might sound like it about this issue ). A safari is his dream holiday but it's something I absolutely do not want to do. He'd be quite happy for me to have girly weekends or breaks, in fact I'm going to plan a riding break next year with my friends.
I am just cross he's still hankering about a bloody safari as it makes for bad feeling. We are very easy going, hardly ever argue & agree on 99% of things so it's hit me quite hard that we've 'had words' about this, unnecessarily in my opinion.
I'm standing my ground though ... when I get put in a corner or pressurised I grow ruddy great heels !!!!!
Why is it imperative you all go? I can imagine it being a major adventure for your DD but as has been noted, she's on the young side. I think he needs to wait for a few years and go just the two of them, or go with mates.
Join the discussion
Please login first.