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Have you travelled solo while married/D.C. encumbered

(12 Posts)
IJumpedAboardAPirateShip Thu 11-Jun-20 06:40:17

I’m desperate to solo travel, specifically in India. I was lucky enough being brought up travelling and living abroad and did the obligatory happy year but due to mental health issues instead of a full year it was a month here and a month there (still appreciate how fortunate that makes me)

I got married at 23, pregnant by 24, still happily
Married so it’s not about escaping that but I just hit my late thirties and I have such a hankering for solo travel. Has anyone else done this? DH is the insecure sort but also not bothered about India whereas I’m desperate to go there - I think he’s fine with the idea of me going on a tour or with friends (I tend towards risk taking and he tends towards risk averse) but I genuinely want to do like 6months. Something like this yeah ok prob need to wait for D.C. to leave home (youngest is only 8) but maybe a month?

No imminent plans but just wondering if anyone else had done the same?

OP’s posts: |
SJaneS48 Fri 12-Jun-20 08:16:57

No but I have thought about it! Very similar to you, I had an ex pat childhood, have done a lot of backpacking and had my eldest at 24. DH is similarly risk adverse.

It all hinges I’d think on how DH and DC feel about you heading off for a month. From the above it sounds like DH is fine with it (mine wouldn’t be!)? If that is the case then I think personally I’d go for it. Life is too short not to see the places we want to see (I fully intend to do the same and go to the places DH rules out when youngest DD is 18+). India though as a solo traveller isn’t without risks though as I’m sure you are fully aware. That’s not to say it’s not do-able but I’m not sure it’s a country I’d want to backpack in from a safety aspect, I’d book a driver and stay in decent hotels. Having said that, I’ve only ever been to Goa so my experience is limited! Why not read Monisha Rajesh’s book ‘Around India in 80 trains’ as some inspiration?

IJumpedAboardAPirateShip Fri 12-Jun-20 15:28:43

Haha @SJaneS48 are we the same person?? DH is not unsupportive but also not entirely supportive. He definitely feels miffed/hurt that I might want to do some of this without him but thankfully India is not on his list of places he wants to go to. Another friend was talking about wanting to go and be made the comment that we could go together so I think if he knew from a safety aspect I would be ok he’d be ok too (he generally thinks I take too many risks 🙄 I REALLY don’t). Maybe to scratch the itch I should think about where else I’d like to go even just for a week and make it happen. Though have to say a lot of other places I would like to experience with D.C. and DH

It’s all a pipe dream at the moment because yes I think buggering off for a whole month (lets be honest, I’d want to go for 2-3!) while the kids are home is a bit selfish, but it’s 10years until the youngest is 18!!!!

Nice to dream and think about though and nice to know there are others who would like to do the same - do you have a bucket list for solo travel?

OP’s posts: |
Swiftier Fri 12-Jun-20 17:41:01

I haven’t but am thinking of it. No DC to consider. I’m hoping to take 6 months or so off work to travel, DH is completely supportive. He’d probably join for a month or so in the middle so we don’t go a whole 6 months without seeing each other! But we are both keen on travelling and have both done a fair bit, and he gets why I want to have some time off and travel. He’d come if he could swing it with work so it’s possible we might do it together but if not I’ll go alone!

jackparlabane Fri 12-Jun-20 17:46:30

What about taking the kids with you?
It'll be a different experience for sure, and need a lot of planning, but having done a 3-week solo trip with 2 kids last summer, youngest age 7, the travel part went really well thanks to modern entertainment on planes.

AgeLikeWine Fri 12-Jun-20 17:49:10

Yes. DP has a very full-on, competitive time-consuming hobby and often goes on multi-day trips with his mates who share the hobby. This means I have at least three weeks each year when he is away, and I’m free to do whatever I want, so I usually go on holiday on my own. I absolutely love doing this, whether it’s a city break or a road trip or just renting an apartment on the coast.

SoloMummy Fri 12-Jun-20 19:40:29

I travelled around India alone.

If going as a woman I would advise booking hotels in advance, so you have an itinerary. Likewise as much of the transport as you can.

Trains can be "risky". So booking in advance to get a guaranteed seat and bed would be advisable. Be aware that even so you may have to "barter" for your space.

Having contacts does help.

Mobile sim cards can only be bought with an address, not hotels. But by having one the calls back to the UK are pennies.

Use a loaded travel moneybcard, money belt under your clothes. Take a scarf and dress modestly.

Expect that if you're non Asian, you'll stand out and in less touristy areas, you'll be somewhat of a celebrity.

IJumpedAboardAPirateShip Fri 12-Jun-20 23:59:21

Thanks @SoloMummy sounds very similar to when I travelled Morocco alone

The whole point is to be unencumbered @jackparlabane my DC are ridiculously lucky to be taken travelling a lot (we live abroad for a start, done 3 week back packing trips to Italy and Japan alone) but I really want the experience of being by myself and only being responsible for me, eating street food without worrying about fussy eaters and caring a thousand snacks with me, chatting to strangers and meeting up with friends. Basically being entirely selfish!!

OP’s posts: |
SJaneS48 Sat 13-Jun-20 07:16:22

I flew for the first child/DH free weekend on my own up to Scotland earlier in the year for a friends birthday -hardly an adventure but spending as much time as I pleased in duty free with no DH around raising his eyebrows and making comments about ‘Don’t I have enough of this shit already?’ was extremely pleasant as was not being hassled for snacks and entertainment by the DD!

Bucket list of places I can’t get DH to agree to for one faddy reason or the other that I want to visit later on are:

Japan
Israel/Palestine
New Zealand
Indonesia (only been to Bali)
More of Eastern Europe and the previous USSR

1066vegan Sat 13-Jun-20 08:02:16

A couple of weeks would be ok if your dh and dc genuinely wouldn't mind but I think that a month or more is incredibly selfish.

It's one thing to leave your family for extended periods when you have no choice eg if you're in the military or if you have been staying at work as people in some sectors have during the pandemic.

It's another thing to swan off on a lengthy holiday and leave them behind. I love independent travel so I understand why you miss it but at the end of the day it is still just a bloody holiday.

IJumpedAboardAPirateShip Sat 13-Jun-20 16:02:42

@1066vegan yup that’s exactly what I said at the end of my last post! I’m fully aware it’s hugely selfish, wasn’t the question I was asking though

@SJaneS48 I’ve been away from mine for up to 2.5weeks for work reasons. The last time I actually really struggled with missing them despite it being in one of my favourite places but I also think being in work mode is different.

I keep thinking about a MN thread years ago where the DH kept taking off on massive motorbike holidays without the family - I think one trip would suffice to a place I’d really want to immerse myself in. I actually really love travelling with my kids but I think the last big trip to Japan with some much organising (we did 7 places in 2.5weeks) and the responsibility therefore for everyone’s happiness weighed very heavily

OP’s posts: |
Levatrice Sun 28-Jun-20 23:38:14

Your allowed to be selfish every now and then! A month is nothing in the grand scheme of things.
You know your children best and how they would react and deal with this if you went on extended holiday and whether you thought it Would/ wouldn’t adversely affect them Then you can decide.

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