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Should I tell him?

(24 Posts)
Whyowhy01 Fri 27-Dec-19 08:34:48

For my hubbys 30th birthday I asked him where he wanted to go to celebrate it and as a result I ended up taking him to the Maldives. It was absolutely stunning, we had an amazing time and he said he'd bring us back for for my 30th. smile

Have spend years looking forward to this, but now my 30th is fast approaching, Im met with disappointment. It seems my husband hasnt bothered to use the past 8 years since his 30th to save a single penny for this planned trip plus he's now also had discussions with others about changing it to taking us to go see his ex's boy in Australia instead.

He hasn't bothered asking me if Im ok with doing Australia instead and the thought of having to sit approx 26 hrs on a flight with our young child makes me feel sick.

Am I being selfish by feeling disappointed. Do I tell him I don't want to do Australia, but I wouldn't stop him going?

OP’s posts: |
Soontobe60 Fri 27-Dec-19 08:38:33

At nearly 30, you're perfectly capable of telling him where you want to go to celebrate your birthday.
Did you solely pay for his birthday trip and if so did you expect him to pay solely for your birthday trip? Just have the conversation with him!

FamilyOfAliens Fri 27-Dec-19 08:42:11

Maybe he doesn't remember the conversation you had 8 years ago? I guess at least he’s organising something.

And presuming he’s the dad of your child, why would it just be you looking after him on the flight?

highheelsandweathercocks Fri 27-Dec-19 08:43:20

His ex's boy? What does that mean? Does he want to visit his ex's son? Or does his son with his ex live in Australia? In which case the way you describe him says a lot about you.

As far as making it your birthday trip, you're an adult. Tell him that you want to go to the Maldives and not Australia.

TheReef Fri 27-Dec-19 08:43:38

Tell him.... don't play the martyr and wait until it's all booked, sit him down now and tell him it's your birthday, he agreed to take you to the Maldives and you don't want to go to Australia for your birthday.

GiveHerHellFromUs Fri 27-Dec-19 08:45:28

He probably doesn't even remember what he said but just tell him.

pinkyredrose Fri 27-Dec-19 08:46:37

Just ask him outright why he hasn't booked the Maldives.

msmith501 Fri 27-Dec-19 08:55:55

So for YOUR Birthday, you'll be going to see HIS ex's son? There has to be more to it than that surely.... and if not, then the question to him is "Although it's nice that you want to go and see your ex's son (or your own son by your ex), I was just wondering what you had planned for MY birthday, given that I have no interest in Australia and you'll be doing that trip on your own..."

custardbear Fri 27-Dec-19 08:57:41

Talk to him!

Whyowhy01 Fri 27-Dec-19 08:58:13

I've said to him 'o you said you would take me to the Maldives for my 30th'. And Ive been watching youtube video of the Maldives saying I cant wait to go back there for my 30th'. He just replied 'yes but I'd like to go see x in Australia'.

I have no issue's with his ex's boy. We get along fine. So ive also suggested that we should ask him to come to the Maldives with us. But he just ignored that.

I dont want him wasting money on taking me somewhere i dont really want to go. Although it doesnt feel as though this is a trip he's planning with me in mind.

OP’s posts: |
funmummy48 Fri 27-Dec-19 09:00:53

I think I he's probably just forgotten what he said and you should just speak to him and remind him. As for the trip to Australia, don't be too quick to write it off. I had zero interest in visiting Oz but went two years ago and it was AMAZING.

Inhismemory Fri 27-Dec-19 09:01:20

Is his 'exes boy' his son?

turnthebiglightoff Fri 27-Dec-19 09:04:04

Is his exes boy his son?

SpoonBlender Fri 27-Dec-19 09:13:01

Of course you should fucking tell him. Go have an adult conversation of more than one sentence about it.

Whyowhy01 Fri 27-Dec-19 09:14:43

He's not his biological son, he met his ex when he was 2 years old. We've always stayed in contact, treated him like a son.

OP’s posts: |
Rosielily Fri 27-Dec-19 09:19:06

* he's now also had discussions with others about changing it to taking us to go see his ex's boy in Australia instead.*

Who else has he had discussions with? Were you involved and if so at what stage?

Who paid for his 30th birthday trip?

Who is going to pay for yours (or the trip to Australia) - as he hasn't saved up for it?

Ohyesiam Fri 27-Dec-19 09:19:59

You can’t make him take you to Maldives, but don’t go to Oz I If you don’t want to. Let him know how gutted you are about being let down. Ah why he gets a lovely year for his 30 th and you get offered to tag along somewhere you don’t want to go.
Very unfair

BIWI Fri 27-Dec-19 09:22:17

It's your birthday, not his! You go where you want to. If you've been having these discussions and he's still focusing on Australia then there's something very wrong about him, and also about the way you're putting across your own desires. It's not selfish to want him to take you to the Maldives if that's what you want and (more importantly) that's what he promised.

Whyowhy01 Fri 27-Dec-19 09:23:11

Ohyes youve got it spot on, thats exactly how it feels to me.

OP’s posts: |
Whyowhy01 Fri 27-Dec-19 09:24:02

Thanks everyone for your input.

OP’s posts: |
Ocomeocomeimaginaryfleas Fri 27-Dec-19 09:30:51

I'd go with someone else to the Maldives, DM, sister, best friend, and have a bloody good time.

TheReef Fri 27-Dec-19 09:45:44

I've said to him 'o you said you would take me to the Maldives for my 30th'. And Ive been watching youtube video of the Maldives saying I cant wait to go back there for my 30th'. He just replied 'yes but I'd like to go see x in Australia'.

Tell him it's NOT HIS birthday. He can go to Australia for his next milestone birthday. But for yours you'd like to go to the Maldives. If he refuses and says it's Australia for your birthday, then I'd strongly suggest you have a think about where you sit in his list of priorities and if you want to continue being in a relationship with him

GiveHerHellFromUs Fri 27-Dec-19 10:29:23

Tell him that's fine, he can go to Australia, but not for your birthday, because it's not what YOU want.

SJaneS48 Fri 27-Dec-19 19:02:07

Agree with the PPs, would encourage him to go to Australia but not as your birthday trip. He chose his destination, you get to choose yours & it’s really that simple. For what it’s worth, stick to the birthday person gets the choice model, I’m being ‘surprised’ for my 50th next year by my DH. It’s going to be no surprise as the DDs have loose lips and unfortunately it’s not somewhere I’d have chosen! Your model sounds way better!

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