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longest you would leave a 20month old with family?

(26 Posts)
wedontneedroads Wed 10-Jan-18 12:51:20

Was wondering peoples opinion on leaving a 20month old with grandparents for a week.
We have been invited to a wedding of a good old friend on the other side of the world and I really don't fancy taking the kids on a 24 hour flight.
We worked out that the minimum amount of time we could do it in was a week.
Do you think that a happy, confident 20 month old would be ok to leave for a week? Is this a stupid question? Or do you think it could have a lasting effect on her?
Any opinions welcome as I'm totally undecided!
Thanks x

OP’s posts: |
Rainbowsandflowers78 Wed 10-Jan-18 12:55:18

I think it’s possible but it will upset her loads. She still needs you at that age. I’m sure loads of people will come on and say go for it she’ll be fine as it seems a common view that’s it’s ok to leave them nowadays. But honestly, I think I’m doing so you’ll be putting your needs above hers. As to lasting effects, she won’t remember it at all (memories aren’t formed before 3) but it might just damage your bond a bit.

MyBrilliantDisguise Wed 10-Jan-18 12:57:02

Are there siblings who'd be left, too?

I wouldn't do it. You can't be everything to a little child and then just disappear on them.

Rainbowsandflowers78 Wed 10-Jan-18 12:57:49

Ps you said kids - not kid - if you are leaving her with a sibling might make it easier for her
Also consider how will you be? Will you be so upset and feel so guilty that you won’t actually have a good time? Only you can answer this!
I would take with personally. Could one of your parents come too to help and watch kids when you are at actual wedding?

Youcanstayundermyumbrella Wed 10-Jan-18 12:59:17

My children would all have been fine, but they knew their grandparents well and are quite outgoing and laid back kids. I think only you know your children. The longest I left any of mine at a youngish age with grandparents was five days at the age of about 14 months, and she was fine, although in her own home with her siblings around her.

PETRONELLAS Wed 10-Jan-18 13:00:12

Do the grandparents already look after the children?

EmmaGellerGreen Wed 10-Jan-18 13:00:21

Assuming she knows she the grandparents and is used to staying at their home by the time of your trip, of course she will be fine!

Rainbowsandflowers78 Wed 10-Jan-18 13:02:11

Ps I don’t think it’s about how happy and outgoing the kid is - I think it’s about how bonded they are with you. If they aren’t close to you, or used to you not being around they’ll cope better than if you have a close bond still.

Youcanstayundermyumbrella Wed 10-Jan-18 13:03:26

How many people have small children that 'aren't that close' to their parents? confused

Ellapaella Wed 10-Jan-18 13:06:33

If the grandparents are regular visitors/caters and know the children well then I might consider it. But a week is a long time and you will probably find it harder than you think as well. My main concern would be what if we were delayed getting home etc and being so far away from home if any of the kids became unwell. I think only you can make the decision and I'm sure it will be the right one. You are asking for opinions here so mine is that I probably wouldn't feel comfortable with it. I know plenty of people who would though and they have perfectly happy well adjusted children.

ProseccoPoppy Wed 10-Jan-18 13:06:37

I think it depends very much on your kid and how much they see gps normally. Mine would not have been ok for much over 24 hours at that age, overnight with grandparents (only with one set, not the other, only the gps she saw every week) was fine but by lunchtime the next day she really really wanted us and was then very clingy for a few days after. My friend’s little boy would have been absolutely fine for a week. She lived with her parents for a bit after her ds arrived due to some very difficult circumstances so he was as happy with gps as with her.

wedontneedroads Wed 10-Jan-18 13:10:01

Thanks, everyone. Love hearing your opinions...
I have another child who's 5yrs and we do spend a lot of time staying at my parents. So they know them and are very happy to be left generally with them. But, yup, I think maybe a week will probably be too long for her.
I got the invite yesterday and just so badly wanted to go, but we cant really financially stretch to more tickets for flights etc... so was just working it in my head... also fancied a second mini honeymoon as DH and I haven't been away in so long...

OP’s posts: |
Shesaysso Wed 10-Jan-18 13:13:09

I think DD would be fine if she's used to being with her grandparents - my worry (from a personal point of view) would be being so far away in case there was an emergency.

MiddleClassProblem Wed 10-Jan-18 13:13:16

Could you go solo and then spend the money you would have spent on dh’s ticket on a weekend away the two of you?

Rainbowsandflowers78 Wed 10-Jan-18 13:14:04

Youcan - babies and young children are all differently attached to their parents. Around 1 in 5 have an insecure attachment. Depends on whether the child has been in childcare from a very early age etc, how responsive parent is, whether parent is there every day or away working during week etc?

Op why not decline invite but book a long weekend away instead? You can have a break without the 2/3 days travelling that way! X

Timemachinetoast Wed 10-Jan-18 13:16:26

I think it would be absolutely fine, wouldn't even question it. Yes she may miss you a bit but that's the worst that will happen.. No doubt she will have great fun and bond closer to her grandparents.
I think it's good to let children away at this age as your less likely to have attachment issues in the future- which by no means implies you're not close but that they are confident and secure enough to know they can be without you and you will return.

ImListening Wed 10-Jan-18 13:19:23

Of course they’ll be fine. Dh & i left ours for the first time at 4 months. Did it every year thereafter for a week. As did dsis.

Go & enjoy it!

wedontneedroads Wed 10-Jan-18 13:23:00

Rainbowsandflowers78- yes, good idea. I think if we do decline we will definitely do that!

Timemachinetoast- oo, now you've got me thinking again... smile

OP’s posts: |
ShanghaiDiva Thu 11-Jan-18 04:04:10

I left my dd at this age for a week. She also has an older brother and my mum looked after both of them.

splendide Thu 11-Jan-18 04:08:12


Is there a way to tell how bonded a child is with me? I’m worried.

RageAgainstThePoutine Thu 11-Jan-18 04:38:58

I did the reverse trip last year, except I went on my own, leaving a 6yo and 2yo with DH. I was gone 8 days in the end, because the hens was scheduled in a couple of days before the wedding and the wedding was a day's travel in each direction from London.

QF2 and QF1 (Sydney to Heathrow) are really fast and timed well for sleeping - I arrived early morning in the UK and back in Oz, having slept a few hours straight before landing. Meant I hit the ground running and avoided most of the jet-lag. Makes all the difference on a quick trip!

whosafraidofabigduckfart Thu 11-Jan-18 21:53:20

We left my three dc’s with grandparents for a lovely 4 nights in New York. My youngest who was 22 months adores his granny so he was fine (also had two older siblings and stayed in his house)

I’d have stayed longer but my mums back isn’t great. My younger sister was supppsed to help but got a tummy bug and spent the time in bed at our house 😄

I wouldn’t do it often (it was our 10th anniversary).

Brighteyes27 Thu 11-Jan-18 22:09:40

Personally I wouldn’t do it. As I feel a week is Avery long time in the life of an under 3 year old.

Ragwort Thu 11-Jan-18 22:16:53

Of course it would be fine, she is with loving, caring grandparents and a sibling. Plenty of children whose parents are in the military etc have to be left, what if you were hospitalised for a long time?

When my DS was younger the one thing I didn't want was to make him over dependent on me or DH, what if we had died?

My own DM was a widowed parent (later marrried my stepfather) - I spent a lot of time living with my GPs whilst she worked, it hasn't caused any damage to our relationship - she is now mid 80s and I am nearly 60 grin.

whosafraidofabigduckfart Fri 12-Jan-18 22:00:25

I spent 4 days in hospital when ds1 was 18 months.

My younger ds has a lovely relationship with his dgm . He cried leaving her after visiting them for a few days, their bond in particular is so lovely to see.

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