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Longhaul without mother, bad idea?

(11 Posts)
cantthinkofgoodusername Fri 13-Nov-15 03:35:37

tl;dr Is a 2 year old travelling alone with father a problem?

Hey everyone, first post.

I'm the father of a 2 year old boy. I'm in an international marriage and live in Japan. We've taken our son to my home country twice already at 4 and 16 months respectively. I was planning to take my son (now 2) home again this Christmas, but my wife will be unable to join. I'd like to hear mothers' opinions on whether this is a good or bad idea.

1. My wife can't accompany us as she is in the first trimester of pregnancy
2. It'll be a 15hr flight (one change included in that time)
3. I'm not anxious about travelling with him, but my wife is a nervous person
4. Christmas is not a holiday in Japan so my wife will be working week days, but obviously she would like to be together weekends
5. My family would love us to come home
6. it will be a 12 day trip

Any thoughts/opinions welcome.

Thanks very much!

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 13-Nov-15 03:52:22

I can't see any issues per se. I traveled alone with DD a lot during her early years. Long haul. However, do you do a lot of the overnights, bedtimes and sick times? Because if you are like I was and in charge of all the shitwork, with a very attached child, you're good. If your wife is the one doing all that, a two year old might be upset. And, they always get sick. Always. I think it's the plane. Nasty petri dish.

Angelina321 Fri 13-Nov-15 04:28:36

I didn't know that women couldn't travel in the first trimester of pregnancy; is that a new thing?

You should definitely go by yourself if she can't go - you'll have a great time and DS will be fine. smile

jellyjiggles Fri 13-Nov-15 04:46:45

I think it's a decision that you and your wife make as a couple!

She can travel in her first trimester unless specifically told she shouldn't because of personal risks/history. Traveling with dad is perfectly ok.

However if your wife wants you both home or would like to come then I think you need to talk to her and try to come to a compromise your all comfortable with. Maybe wait till she can travel then all go?

cantthinkofgoodusername Fri 13-Nov-15 05:03:02

Thanks for the feedback.

Here in Japan women are advised not to travel in first trimester as far as I'm aware, and my wife would be very nervous regarding anything going wrong while in the air.

I guess it just comes down to whether she's happy to be home alone or not. To be honest a lot (all!) of her friends were pretty shocked when she mentioned that we'd be going without her. They all said it was bad for the child's development, and he'll feel that she has abandoned him. I thought it a bit sensationalist but is there any truth to this?

icklekid Fri 13-Nov-15 05:06:47

There will be no damage to your child if he spends 12 days with his Dad! Your wife will miss him terribly but children are very adaptable. As other posters have said just make sure you are used to look into after him by yourself before you go as then it won't be a shock for you both!

KeyserSophie Fri 13-Nov-15 05:15:56

I'm not sure how helpful comments on here will be due to the marked cultural differences between the UK and Japan as regards child rearing and the more entrenched role of mother as primary caregiver. I think any feedback of opinions garnered here are therefore unlikely to be helpful in your discussions with your wife.

I think this is something you need to negotiate between you. I can see both sides.

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 13-Nov-15 05:23:58

Well if she's worried about flying in the first trimester I can ask my female mother Japanese friend who works for an airline. I feel oddly well qualified to comment.

MistletoeBUTNOwine Fri 13-Nov-15 05:31:29

No advice, but just letting you know I'm currently 8 weeks pregnant and flying back to UK from Australia tonight (with a 2 and 10 year old!)
Left uk at 5 weeks, also flew to Fiji from Oz for 5 nights.
I'm shattered. And nauseous. It's been a bit grim to be honest. Doable, but no fun.

cantthinkofgoodusername Fri 13-Nov-15 05:44:22

MrsTerryPratchett, haha, that would be a very useful perspective!

KeyserSophie, that's the real issue I think. I wanted to check whether it was a universal thing, but I guess it's just a Japanese point of view. The father's role in Japan is pretty limited when it comes to rearing chlidren.

Thanks for the input!

cantthinkofgoodusername Fri 13-Nov-15 05:45:16

MistletoeBUTNOwine, that's pretty hardcore! Think it would be tough to talk anyone into that...

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