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i need some advice about my new relationship and my daughter

(86 Posts)
lilworthy Tue 10-Dec-13 14:33:32

can any one give me some advice about my new relationship. do you think it was too early for my boyfriend to meet my daughter only after a month. my daughter loves him. and her dad did the same. so im confused her dad cant say nothing as he did the same. but i would like someones views on it. no negative comments please

IneedAwittierNickname Tue 10-Dec-13 15:28:18

Personally I think a month is too soon.

sutekidane Tue 10-Dec-13 15:30:04

Definitely too soon.

lilworthy Tue 10-Dec-13 16:12:53

Ok I came on here once and I got all this judgement about my daughter meeting my exs girlfriend. Got told I had no say init

OddFodd Tue 10-Dec-13 16:14:47

Well you don't have any say in what your ex does. But you doing the same as him doesn't make it suddenly okay. If he had come on and asked the same question, then he'd have been told the same thing confused

sutekidane Tue 10-Dec-13 16:38:12

You don't have a say in it. He's doing it too soon too but you can't control him unfortunately. You can control yourself and put your dd first though even when he doesn't do the same. Or you can play tit for tat with him and ignore your dd's needs.

lilworthy Tue 10-Dec-13 17:20:20

Im not ignoring her needs!. She always comes first. My dd loves my boyfriend

FalalalalalalaFiggy Tue 10-Dec-13 17:23:00

So she already knows him?? How old is she?

And yes it's too early

girliefriend Tue 10-Dec-13 17:24:27

I think 3 months is about right, after a month you are still in the getting to know each phase. I would be worried as wouldn't want dd to get attached then decide he isn't for me after all iyswim?

lilworthy Tue 10-Dec-13 17:25:56

i dont have any contact with my ex because of what he did to me 4 years ago.
and yes i do but to be honest my boyfriend would meet my dd soon as he lives up the road from me. and walks past my house.
he has a dd himself.
his dad has asked me to go and meet his dd with him as his dd lives ages away and my boyfriend has just come out of hospital after getting hit by a car. he cares for my dd aswel.

lilworthy Tue 10-Dec-13 17:26:55

yes she knows him and ive been speaking to him for about a year.

sutekidane Tue 10-Dec-13 17:27:01

Your dd loves your boyfriend? Exactly my point. Say this relationship falls apart. You meet a new man. They meet after a month. She loves him. It falls apart. You meet a new man. They meet after a month. She loves him. It falls apart. Do you see the issue? At a month you have no clue at all whether its going to last so introducing your children to a man at that point is irresponsible. Obviously you never know if a relationship will last but the longer you wait the better idea you will have.

But nothing we say will change your opinion because you've obviously already decided if your ex does it you will too.

lilworthy Tue 10-Dec-13 17:27:22

my dd is 4 years old.

GwirionBost Tue 10-Dec-13 17:28:59

I've been thinking a lot about this recently, because I'm in this situation. The key for me is that I need to know BF isn't going to be a short-term, fleeting thing- I don't want to introduce him to DC only to have him disappear. I am thinking of introducing them around February, and by then I will have been with him for 6 months.

lunar1 Tue 10-Dec-13 17:31:38

Far too soon, children get attached so quickly. Introducing her so soon is unfair

lilworthy Tue 10-Dec-13 17:31:52

this is the first time ive been in a relationship in 4 years after splitting with my dds dad. because he thought he could control me and stop me getting in a new relationship.
im trying my best and i did talk to my boyfriend about that!!
and ive spoke to my dd about it too.
she loves him because he plays with her and i dont ever hear that her dad has sat down and plays with her over the weekends he has my dd.

sutekidane Tue 10-Dec-13 17:35:13

Waiting four years before having a relationship does not make the four week thing any better or make your daughter any less attached to someone she has known four weeks. I can't believe there are people out there who think that is okay. It boggles me everytime something like this gets posted.

lilworthy Tue 10-Dec-13 17:38:13

I didnt say that did I! I didnt want negative comments! My bf wasnt ment to meet my dd cant help if he saw me in town but my dd doesn't know we are in a relationship

sutekidane Tue 10-Dec-13 17:40:05

You're going to get negative comments of the only sane answer to your questions involves being negative. She loves him and he plays with her but he's only seen her in town? Yeah, okay then hmm.

sutekidane Tue 10-Dec-13 17:40:26


KellyHopter Tue 10-Dec-13 17:41:46

"I need some advice..."
What advice is it you want?

Lots of people think it's a bit shit to introduce a young child to a new partner so quickly, it's certainly my opinion.

But you've done it and seem pretty adamant that you're doing nothing wrong so that's that then isn't it? Lots of people would agree with you btw, I'm sure they'll be here soon to tell you to 'ignore the haterz hun, your a gr8 mummy' if that's what you want.

lilworthy Tue 10-Dec-13 17:42:29

Thats when he met her omg sod this wont bother coming back on this!!!

IneedAwittierNickname Tue 10-Dec-13 17:43:17

What did you want then? to all say "yay well done fab idea" confused

PatriciaHolm Tue 10-Dec-13 17:44:01

Why did you ask if you didn't want negative comments? Surely you must have had some idea that, actually, introducing them so early wasn't a good idea?

sutekidane Tue 10-Dec-13 17:45:36

So he met her in town for the first time at four weeks. When did he start playing with her and spending time with her?

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