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please tell me I am not being unreasonable. am so upset.

(29 Posts)
bluebeardsbabe Thu 17-Oct-13 15:37:47

So I knew this would happen. Dds first birthday in a few days and card from exp came today. Signed from him AND other woman!!

Bearing in mind he has barely a relationship with his daughter and OW none whatsoever at the moment as well as the fact that he knows how painful the situation was and still is for me.

completely different imo than to get a card from a step parent who has a relationship with the child.

Ffs. Her first ever card from him and he has sullied it by writing her ow name on it. He knew how much it would upset me. This is a woman who ruined my pregnancy, whom I've never met and according to exp has hardly met our daughter.

How fucking disrespectful. Just brought all the pain back. How dare she wish my child a happy first birthday. My daughter is spending it without her dad because of her.

Thesouthernwindisblowing Thu 17-Oct-13 15:39:02


quoteunquote Thu 17-Oct-13 15:48:14

Nasty, and unkind, it is just to make sure you understand that she a permeant fixture, they sound like they deserve each other, crass and mean.

Ignore and focus on your lovely daughter.

and burn the card if it makes you feel better,

Morgause Thu 17-Oct-13 15:49:00

YANBU in the least.

bluebeardsbabe Thu 17-Oct-13 15:49:49

Thank you. Am in tears. What is worse is that he knows my mother is having a major operation this week and my father is dead. I am completely on my own and on my knees and this nice surprise turns up. He could have so easily just signed daddy.

paperlantern Thu 17-Oct-13 15:52:01

lose the card. silly post office

quoteunquote Thu 17-Oct-13 16:30:39

Well it is all about having power over you, they will enjoy the effect it is having on you, so use it as a coaster for the cat bowl or something else fitting.

You have to find a way of not letting on how painful the situation is for you, pity them as they are so selfish they will never be a whole person between them,

They are just shadows of the people they could be, so sad for them.

She didn't wish your daughter a happy first birthday, her actions, denied that, she signed a card to get under your skin, because she is so jealous of you it hurts, and any avenue to annoy you will do.

She has a second hand twonk, and you have a darling beautiful child.

Be totally disinterested in them, leave them to their sorry excuse of a life,

And remember to be really kind to yourself. That is what your daughter would tell you she wants for her first birthday if she could.

Onebuddhaisnotenough Thu 17-Oct-13 16:39:55

Oops. That bloody coffee just spills SO easily wink

Sidge Thu 17-Oct-13 16:43:23

I can understand why you are so upset.

I'd also be tempted to cross her name out in thick marker pen, send it back to him with "I don't think so" written over it and ask him to send another. (I wouldn't really do that but it would feel good!)

bluebeardsbabe Thu 17-Oct-13 16:44:40

Thanks mumsnetters. I can't tell you how much your support has meant to me today. My mum is being operated on this moment and I am in a particularly vulnerable state.

I know that they did it to get to me. If he had an ounce of respect and cared only for dd he would have simply signed daddy.

Chubfuddler Thu 17-Oct-13 16:46:34

You are not being unreasonable. Not one tiny bit.

anon2013 Thu 17-Oct-13 16:46:45

return to sender

Chubfuddler Thu 17-Oct-13 16:47:10

As it's your dd's first birthday she won't have a clue about cards. Put it in the bin.

Wallison Thu 17-Oct-13 16:49:15

Gosh, what a twat. Obviously, your daughter is not going to read the card herself. You are going to read it. So he has done this for your 'benefit'. And in doing so is using your daughter to get at you. Thank fuck you're not with him any more, basically, because I wouldn't give a wanker like that fucking house room.

I hope your mum's operation goes as well as can be expected, and that you are good to yourself and enjoy your daughter's special day.

lunar1 Thu 17-Oct-13 16:51:23

Put it in an envelope and forget about it. Chances are there will be a different random name each year. When the name changes send his Christmas card from dd to daddy and previous random woman.

Wallison Thu 17-Oct-13 16:52:42

Now, that is an excellent scheme, lunar1.

TwerkingNinetoFive Thu 17-Oct-13 16:53:58

Thank god you are no longer with that insensitive wank nob.
I think throw it out say it got lost in the post (as per suggestion above) and ignore it.
This is all so recent so your bound to feel bad, in a few years you'll be like 'what's that Marko? the eX has sent a card for dds 4th birthday, put not on the counter in our five bedroom luxury mansion and lets try for the 6th time today for dc #2'

BornToFolk Thu 17-Oct-13 16:57:50

Don't return to sender, don't let him have the pleasure of knowing it upset you (as it was clearly designed to do). Chuck it away. Your DD won't know different.

What an utter shit of a man.

MarcelineTheVampireQueen Thu 17-Oct-13 17:01:11

Listen, fuck him and fuck his card. He can sign it with the queen of sheba all he wants but the fact remains he is a cunt for doing this. And he sent it for two reasons 1. To get at you 2. To look like he gives a shit (when he clearly doesnt).

And another thing, you are not on your own, you have your mum, you have your daughter and you have us! Put the card into a shitty nappy and bin it. A piece of crap from a piece of crap. It hurts now but things will get easier. Chin up x

Is she enjoying her birthday??

AnandaTimeIn Thu 17-Oct-13 17:02:24

Oh, I'm so sorry you are going through this. And the extra worry about your mum ((hugs)).

I'm a LP too (tho mine is much older) and know how hard it is.

You know, you could put the card away somewhere hidden and then when your daughter is old enough to see it (as an adult), she can see the truth about her father.

Either that or burn it ritually ;-)

Don't let the bastard get you down!

TheWomanTheyCallJayne Thu 17-Oct-13 17:03:05

Send it back saying you must have got the wrong address. We know no one with ow's name

At least your dc is too young to know. Remind yourself that the fact he is an inconsiderate arse is another reason why you are better without his cheating arse

bluebeardsbabe Thu 17-Oct-13 17:41:13

Marceline. Funnily enough dd just had a big poo and card will probably go out with nappy.

Thanks all. I shouldn't really be suprised as he did and said some truly horrible things during pregnancy but has been laying low for a while. Wish I could show him this thread,, 'hey 20+ women think you're a nobjockey. How does that make your ego feel?'

Like I say. If he cared about dd he would have sent her a lovely card signed daddy. He knew I would read it. What a twat.

bluebeardsbabe Thu 17-Oct-13 17:43:13 the ideasmile where do meet a Marco?

quoteunquote Thu 17-Oct-13 22:09:56

This reminds me of a friend of mine who when pregnant her forth child (the older children were teens) he kept pushing for another baby, discovered her husband in bed with the OW, her bed,

she came back unexpectedly from his mother's where she had been helping look after his ill father,

when the divorce, finally came through, (OW even turned up at the hospital ,during an emergency c-section (stress related), demanding to see her new step daughter, friend nearly died, had a second op a day later) she revamped the house, to remove all trace of him,

the down stair loo was commissioned, you can still have dump on OW face, she had a print of her face put in the pan.

even his mother uses the loo with glee.

Do what ever makes you feel better, they are class A twonks.

betterthanever Fri 18-Oct-13 20:29:26

He sounds like this may not be the only thing he does to get a reaction from you. The motivation and this totally thought out action resinates with me 100%. It is very hard but try not to let this and the other things I predict he will do in the future get to you and detract you from your wonderful life ahead. I only have birthday cards up for a week, 10 days max anyway. Then they are recycled - maybe ending up as toilet roll smile. Take care.

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